I don’t know what to expect from game 5. It’s unlikely it can possibly match the drama that’s resulted thus far from the Celtics/Bulls first round contest. Heading into the playoffs I predicted a five-game series, expecting Chicago to steal one at home. After the announcement that Kevin Garnett was likely out for the playoffs, I extended my guess to six games, still undoubtedly in Boston’s favor. But there is now zero chance this series won’t go seven games. In the past I’ve been critical of the NBA adopting a best of seven formula for the first round, as opposed to the best of five format they’d used for years. I think it makes the playoffs too long, drains too much energy from the players with so many games left, and minimizes the potential for upsets (remember Denver defeating top ranked Seattle in 1994?) Selfishly however, I’m now glad that last point generally holds true.
The Celtics are a better basketball team than the Bulls, even without KG and Leon Powe. Yes, the Bulls are missing Luol Deng, but from what I’ve seen of their play this season they are a better club without him. John Salmons plays tougher defense from the small forward spot anyway. Reverse the outcome of two plays in this series (Paul Pierce’s missed free throw at the end of game 1, Ben Gordon’s off-balance three pointer that sent game 4 to a second overtime), and we’d be talking about a Celtic sweep. The importance of those plays can’t be overstated. Boston needed this to be over fast, so they could rest for the second round and a likely match up with Orlando (who is having their own problems with a young Sixers bunch).
The Celtics aren’t a decidedly old basketball team top to bottom, but their best players are. Pierce has shown signs of age in this series, from his shooting to his turnovers to his failures making big defensive stops. Ray Allen has fared better, including some miraculous clutch shooting following game 1. I’m not sure what to make of Pierce right now. On the one hand his marginal outings still represent well-rounded offensive efforts. Add to that the fact that he hasn’t really taken over a single game yet, and I’m optimistic about our chances. But I wonder why he hasn’t yet gone for forty over the smaller, less athletic Kirk Heinrich. If I’m Doc Rivers I’m getting the ball to Pierce early and often tonight, especially in the post where he can overpower the defense or get to the line.
The real difference for Boston thus far has been the play of Rajon Rondo and to a lesser extent Glenn Davis and Kendrick Perkins. The contributions of the latter two have been invaluable, especially Davis, who’s become the most shockingly nimble, round-bellied individual to impact the sport since yours truly back in the
mid-90s. But Rondo is on another planet. He’s averaging a triple-double in the series, has been the leader on both ends of the court, and has actually outplayed Derrick Rose who himself has played sensationally for Chicago. But the Bulls rely more heavily on individual efforts than the Celtics, which is why I correctly predicted Boston would take game 3 easily in Chicago. The Bulls were coming off astounding games from their best players, and unless they were able to match those numbers, they weren’t going to win. They simply don’t have the coaching, veteran leadership, or decided home court advantage to overcome a bad shooting night. But they have had the X-factor in this series, Ben Gordon, who’s making me question any knowledge I thought I possessed regarding ways to win a basketball game.
I always liked Gordon (especially at UConn), but for all the wrong reasons. I believed he was fundamentally sound, a reliable passer and shooter who any coach would love. I didn’t realize he was an assassin with balls of steel and a complete disregard for proper shot selection. If he were on my NAA team I would bench him for the sheer volume of stupid shots he’s taken. But I digress . . . he makes them. He’s reminds me of a tougher Rex Chapman with the confidence of Isiah Thomas. He’s scary, and his recent hamstring strain could be the difference in the series. As impressive as is his knack for hitting difficult eighteen-footers, if he has no lift, he becomes a non-factor. Remember the announcers debating whether or not Boston should foul Chicago on their last offensive possession before Gordon drained that fall-away in game 4? If he can’t shoot, there’s no longer a debate. You play it out, rely on your defense, and hope for the best, an opinion I bear regardless because 90% of the time that’s not dropping. It’s like walking the bases loaded with two men on when you’re up three runs in the ninth . . . Why put yourself in a position to lose? If they miraculously tie the game, so be it.
I pray this series is decided on the court. The officiating has caused plenty of complaints on both sides and it’s becoming clear that David Stern must makes some rule changes. The strictly enforced “clear path” rule, involving a defensive player intentionally stopping an opposing breakaway, is the single dumbest rule in sports. It sounds like a JCC rule invented by middle-aged white guys who don’t want to run. What is wrong with preventing the other team from scoring as long as it’s clean? And to the latter point, I am so sick of flagrant fouls being called any time there’s more than a “little” contact. What would happen had Kevin McHale’s famous clothesline of Kurt Rambis occurred in 2009? Would he be suspended for a year? Basketball is a contact sport, always has been, and always should be. The ongoing pussification (spell check couldn’t help me out with that one) of the league is a travesty. But those two rules aside, I love everything about this series.
I love that that Doug Collins made a “Semi-Pro” reference, comparing the oafish, curly headband sporting Brian Scalabrine to Jackie Moon. I love that Chicago boasts two of the five ugliest players in the league in Heinrich and Joaquim Noah, who’s a better player than often given credit for being. I love that this series has one of the league’s great overachievers in ‘Big Baby’ and sad underachievers in Tim Thomas. I love that TB was so fascinated by the site of an obscenity-spewing KG on the bench that she thought it would make for a great reality show. Seriously, can you imagine how insane he’d look behaving the same way in a supermarket? Or how you might react if he showed up on your doorstep for Halloween, staring you down for all your mini-Butterfingers? If he weren’t a great athlete, he’d be institutionalized. I love that TNT made public the news that Reggie Miller now has an email bag, which I will use to berate his play and commentating on a weekly basis. I love that Boston has the rare coaching edge in this series and that Doc has designed successful plays for Ray to get clean looks. I love that Chicago inexplicably doesn’t know when to switch on a pick-and-roll. I love that Rondo and Rose have blossomed into the best young point guards in the conference and will potentially face off against Chris Paul and/or Deron Williams in the NBA finals for the next decade. I love that both teams are loaded with talented players, most of whom I actually like and would want on my team, including Tyrus Thomas who could be a beast this time next year. I love that Bill Simmons’ Celtics columns reach thousands of readers daily, since mine tend to max out around twenty.
Most importantly, I love that the C’s are getting an early round test as tough as the Bulls, who at this point are probably the third best team in the East. They are fearless, athletic, persistent, and are providing the Celtics with little margin for error. If Boston can somehow muster up the strength to finish them off by game
6, that would go a long way towards conserving energy for the inevitable showdown with Lebron in the conference finals. Hopefully by that time, Pierce will be ready to go.
Reel Opinions on Movies
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Real World Just Bent Me Over
What a zany morning! In tough economic times, I figured I'd share what one Monday morning was like for good old Beef. I don't know whether you'll laugh or cry, but either is acceptable.
Realizing there was little food in our apartment on my way home from work late Sunday night, I figured I'd stop off for something cheap and easy. T was busy studying for midterms and wasn't going to have any time to get creative in the kitchen, so I let my eyes gravitate towards the always dependable Burger King. Because I'm living paycheck to paycheck and two days away from my next one, I knew I had under $5.00 to spend (cue laughter). Upon returning home T took a TV break, we giggled through reruns of "The Office," and enjoyed a couple rodeo cheeseburgers on the Attorney General’s recommendation. Not sure why they're called that, but they are amazing! About an hour later while dicking around on the internet, I decided to check my online banking. I bellowed one of my patented "Oh Shits!" upon finding that combined with other pending charges, that innocent BK stop put me $.13 (yes, cents) over my balance. I take this kind of nuisance personally, having a somewhat lengthy history of overcharges, bank visits, and overdraft fees both paid and negotiated. Nothing is worse than paying $35.00 after the fact for a meal that cost $4.00, so I was not about to let this minor inconvenience become the travesty I knew it might should this pending charge go through. I figured to avoid any potential penalty, I'd make sure to be at the bank by 8:30 AM with a small deposit. The only problem was I had no cash on me. T had $5.00 lying around, but stubborn asshole that I am I declined, refusing to involve her in my screw-up. Rather, I declared that I’d figure something out, the calling card of a person with no ideas about how to resolve a situation.
After staying up till 4 AM (being the night owl I am), I awoke sluggishly at 8 AM. I had planned to chat with someone at the bank right when they opened in hopes I might get more sympathy for the timely effort. Unfortunately I forgot to brush my teeth so any goodwill would surely be eliminated by the horror that was my breath. I was stunned to find so many cars zipping by on my way to the bank. My work hours generally involve afternoons and evenings, so I always wonder what's wrong with all these citizens moving with ease at such an ungodly hour. Anyway, as I reached for the Chap Stick in my cup holder, I heard something rattle. Sure enough, hiding under a travel tissue pack was some change, including the most valuable quarter I’d ever seen. I laughed at my good fortune (or misfortune depending on analyzes this ordeal) to find a whopping $.43, enough for an immediate deposit to cover my pestering problem. It seemed as though things were turning around. I pulled right up to the bank door with enthusiasm, but was baffled to find no cars in the parking lot. Then I saw it . . .
Bank Hours: M-F, 9AM-5:30PM.
I felt like Chevy Chase in the first "Vacation" after the talking moose tells him that Wally World is closed. With no electronic animals to smash in the face, I sighed and pulled into a parking space. I was planning on waiting there until 9 AM when I noticed my gas light symbol was suddenly bright red. As if the situation wasn't degrading enough, now my car was announcing it would shut down on me in about twenty minutes if I didn’t pump some gas. Adding to this complication was the freezing weather. At twenty-seven degrees, I couldn't just sit still in my car listening to music without heat. I noticed Starbucks across the street and headed there for a coffee until my half-asleep brain realized I still had no money. Frustrated and cold, I pulled out an older debit card I hardly ever use. I called the automated phone line just to ensure I had enough for a coffee, because I was sure-as-shit not going to overdraw two accounts in less than twelve hours for an item a bum can usually purchase without issue. I was happy to find I had a plethora of money in that account ($3.00 if you must know), though due to that silly 'Keep the Change' program any purchase would round up to the next dollar.
Like a defeated outcast of society, shivering, confused, with old jeans ripped in seventeen places, I wandered into Starbucks, heading straight to the bathroom. Fully expecting some coffeehouse snob to inform me the restroom is for paying customers only, I locked the door behind me. I urinated and splashed cold water on my face, having neglected to do either at home in my mad dash to reach the bank by an opening time I’d remembered incorrectly. At the counter I asked for the cheapest coffee on the menu. I don't involve myself with that 'Venti' crap, since nobody knows what any of it means. $1.65 later, I mixed in my cream and Splenda and had a seat on a chair in backmost corner of the room, engulfing myself in the comfortable, heated atmosphere. Note: While I love how homey the Starbucks interior feels, the fact that you essentially make your own coffee will forever keep it below the magnificent Dunkin Donuts, whose coffee is cheaper and tastes far superior anyway.
I sat sipping in my leather chair for about ten minutes, until the annoyance of a male customer in line forced me to vacate the premises. He was about fifty-five and flirting with the teenaged counter girls, asking mundane questions like "Who's that female golfer who plays with the men in all those tournaments?" When they didn’t answer he continued to prompt them, "Michelle . . . someone. I forget her last name." I thought it would've been really funny to answer aloud for them; fully knowing the customer knew the answer to his own question but couldn't think of any other way to make casual conversation with the cute employees. But this early in the morning, my ingenious ideas often go unexplored.
Coffee in hand, I drove back to the bank, that intrusive red gas light staring me right in the face. I alternated turning the engine on and off every few minutes, calling friends to express what a pathetic individual this chain of events had made me feel like. At five till 9, I ventured into the indoor, locked out area, which I'm pretty sure exists just so bank employees can see you, pretend to check their watch, then laugh while you pace back and forth aimlessly. As they opened, I suffered the indignity of writing $.43 in the ‘cash’ box on my deposit slip. I sheepishly handed it to the teller, who informed me it would go through right away. I was now an astounding $.30 in the black, meaning I could purchase, well nothing. But I felt better, having gone through a major hassle to essentially buy myself insurance in case my account would be overdrawn. Of course every task had been caused by my own irresponsibility, combined with an insatiable desire for a tiny burger comprised of questionable meat, melted cheese, onion rings, and barbeque sauce. With a few hours to kill before work, I drove home, sent some emails, made some calls, sorted through papers, and enjoyed a delicious bowl of Hokus Pokus ('Lucky Charms' for those on welfare) with Lactaid milk (for those unfortunate souls who can't enjoy a slice of pizza without visiting the bathroom.
On Tuesday my direct deposit came through with flying colors and as it turns out, one of my previous charges still would've been pending. One could look at my morning on March 9th and think it'd all been a big waste of time, being I wouldn't have received a penalty anyway. Or a 'glass is half-full' thinking individual might think I did what I had to do, just in case. Of course a rich individual wouldn't have thought twice about incurring an overdraft balance, because it wouldn't bother them nor would they be in a situation to let it happen.
The moral of the story . . . Money is no object when it comes to one's stomach :)
Realizing there was little food in our apartment on my way home from work late Sunday night, I figured I'd stop off for something cheap and easy. T was busy studying for midterms and wasn't going to have any time to get creative in the kitchen, so I let my eyes gravitate towards the always dependable Burger King. Because I'm living paycheck to paycheck and two days away from my next one, I knew I had under $5.00 to spend (cue laughter). Upon returning home T took a TV break, we giggled through reruns of "The Office," and enjoyed a couple rodeo cheeseburgers on the Attorney General’s recommendation. Not sure why they're called that, but they are amazing! About an hour later while dicking around on the internet, I decided to check my online banking. I bellowed one of my patented "Oh Shits!" upon finding that combined with other pending charges, that innocent BK stop put me $.13 (yes, cents) over my balance. I take this kind of nuisance personally, having a somewhat lengthy history of overcharges, bank visits, and overdraft fees both paid and negotiated. Nothing is worse than paying $35.00 after the fact for a meal that cost $4.00, so I was not about to let this minor inconvenience become the travesty I knew it might should this pending charge go through. I figured to avoid any potential penalty, I'd make sure to be at the bank by 8:30 AM with a small deposit. The only problem was I had no cash on me. T had $5.00 lying around, but stubborn asshole that I am I declined, refusing to involve her in my screw-up. Rather, I declared that I’d figure something out, the calling card of a person with no ideas about how to resolve a situation.
After staying up till 4 AM (being the night owl I am), I awoke sluggishly at 8 AM. I had planned to chat with someone at the bank right when they opened in hopes I might get more sympathy for the timely effort. Unfortunately I forgot to brush my teeth so any goodwill would surely be eliminated by the horror that was my breath. I was stunned to find so many cars zipping by on my way to the bank. My work hours generally involve afternoons and evenings, so I always wonder what's wrong with all these citizens moving with ease at such an ungodly hour. Anyway, as I reached for the Chap Stick in my cup holder, I heard something rattle. Sure enough, hiding under a travel tissue pack was some change, including the most valuable quarter I’d ever seen. I laughed at my good fortune (or misfortune depending on analyzes this ordeal) to find a whopping $.43, enough for an immediate deposit to cover my pestering problem. It seemed as though things were turning around. I pulled right up to the bank door with enthusiasm, but was baffled to find no cars in the parking lot. Then I saw it . . .
Bank Hours: M-F, 9AM-5:30PM.
I felt like Chevy Chase in the first "Vacation" after the talking moose tells him that Wally World is closed. With no electronic animals to smash in the face, I sighed and pulled into a parking space. I was planning on waiting there until 9 AM when I noticed my gas light symbol was suddenly bright red. As if the situation wasn't degrading enough, now my car was announcing it would shut down on me in about twenty minutes if I didn’t pump some gas. Adding to this complication was the freezing weather. At twenty-seven degrees, I couldn't just sit still in my car listening to music without heat. I noticed Starbucks across the street and headed there for a coffee until my half-asleep brain realized I still had no money. Frustrated and cold, I pulled out an older debit card I hardly ever use. I called the automated phone line just to ensure I had enough for a coffee, because I was sure-as-shit not going to overdraw two accounts in less than twelve hours for an item a bum can usually purchase without issue. I was happy to find I had a plethora of money in that account ($3.00 if you must know), though due to that silly 'Keep the Change' program any purchase would round up to the next dollar.
Like a defeated outcast of society, shivering, confused, with old jeans ripped in seventeen places, I wandered into Starbucks, heading straight to the bathroom. Fully expecting some coffeehouse snob to inform me the restroom is for paying customers only, I locked the door behind me. I urinated and splashed cold water on my face, having neglected to do either at home in my mad dash to reach the bank by an opening time I’d remembered incorrectly. At the counter I asked for the cheapest coffee on the menu. I don't involve myself with that 'Venti' crap, since nobody knows what any of it means. $1.65 later, I mixed in my cream and Splenda and had a seat on a chair in backmost corner of the room, engulfing myself in the comfortable, heated atmosphere. Note: While I love how homey the Starbucks interior feels, the fact that you essentially make your own coffee will forever keep it below the magnificent Dunkin Donuts, whose coffee is cheaper and tastes far superior anyway.
I sat sipping in my leather chair for about ten minutes, until the annoyance of a male customer in line forced me to vacate the premises. He was about fifty-five and flirting with the teenaged counter girls, asking mundane questions like "Who's that female golfer who plays with the men in all those tournaments?" When they didn’t answer he continued to prompt them, "Michelle . . . someone. I forget her last name." I thought it would've been really funny to answer aloud for them; fully knowing the customer knew the answer to his own question but couldn't think of any other way to make casual conversation with the cute employees. But this early in the morning, my ingenious ideas often go unexplored.
Coffee in hand, I drove back to the bank, that intrusive red gas light staring me right in the face. I alternated turning the engine on and off every few minutes, calling friends to express what a pathetic individual this chain of events had made me feel like. At five till 9, I ventured into the indoor, locked out area, which I'm pretty sure exists just so bank employees can see you, pretend to check their watch, then laugh while you pace back and forth aimlessly. As they opened, I suffered the indignity of writing $.43 in the ‘cash’ box on my deposit slip. I sheepishly handed it to the teller, who informed me it would go through right away. I was now an astounding $.30 in the black, meaning I could purchase, well nothing. But I felt better, having gone through a major hassle to essentially buy myself insurance in case my account would be overdrawn. Of course every task had been caused by my own irresponsibility, combined with an insatiable desire for a tiny burger comprised of questionable meat, melted cheese, onion rings, and barbeque sauce. With a few hours to kill before work, I drove home, sent some emails, made some calls, sorted through papers, and enjoyed a delicious bowl of Hokus Pokus ('Lucky Charms' for those on welfare) with Lactaid milk (for those unfortunate souls who can't enjoy a slice of pizza without visiting the bathroom.
On Tuesday my direct deposit came through with flying colors and as it turns out, one of my previous charges still would've been pending. One could look at my morning on March 9th and think it'd all been a big waste of time, being I wouldn't have received a penalty anyway. Or a 'glass is half-full' thinking individual might think I did what I had to do, just in case. Of course a rich individual wouldn't have thought twice about incurring an overdraft balance, because it wouldn't bother them nor would they be in a situation to let it happen.
The moral of the story . . . Money is no object when it comes to one's stomach :)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Oscar Predictions 2009
There’s nothing like waiting until the last minute for a new blog entry, though with regard to this one I have an excuse. If I am to provide the most dependable Oscar predictions on Earth, I really need to see most of the films nominated, a commitment that generally takes me to the final available weekend. I would advise you to use my expert picks in your office pool, though in reality that’s a crock tagline originated by magazines. Honestly, does anyone work in an office that has an oscar pool? Who’s that close with their co-workers that they organize a company-wide competition for anything other than the NCAA tournament? It just doesn’t happen, because if it did I’d have found that job a long time ago.
The Oscars don’t provoke the same level of debate or interest they once did, particularly since there seems to be a new award show every Sunday from Jan. 1st to the end of March. Additionally, many publicly argue that campaigning now has more to do with the nominees than film quality. How else to explain the best picture inclusion of “The Reader?” Still, the academy awards are a must-see event for serious moviegoers. In a departure from the hit-and-miss comic hosts of years past, this year’s responsibility falls upon the only undeniably gay member of the X-Men, Hugh Jackman. My personal pick would’ve been Charles Barkley, who hilariously announced his picks on “Inside the NBA” this week using his uniquely irreverent assuredness.
The only guarantee this year (other than WALL-E) will be the inevitable, mostly disastrous red carpet filled with women who spent thousands of dollars on dresses and makeup that turn them into creatures unworthy of an endangered species list. I don’t know what it is about this night in particular, but more often than not the parade of fancy outfits and styles make me wonder if the stars stopped for a quick glance in the mirror before leaving the house. At least Kate Winslet always looks good.
Anyway, here are my picks for what will win and should win. I’ll start with the minor categories so you won’t stop reading halfway through.
Categories I Know NOTHING About . . .
Live Action Short Film & Animated Short Film: Since I’ve never heard of any of the nominees, I’ll go with the funniest sounding titles; “The Pig,” in the former and “Oktapodi” in the latter.
Documentary & Documentary Short Subject: The only documentary I’ve heard anything about was “Man on Wire,” so let’s go with that. For short subject, “Smile Pinki” sounds too amusing to ignore.
Foreign Film: Isn’t this category the reason they have awards shows in other countries? In Switzerland they don’t honor the best American film do they? Anyway my money’s on “Waltz With Bashir,” because again it’s the one title I’ve heard of, not to mention it comes from Israel. An Oscar win would give the people something new to talk about on Shabbat, rather than the usual “can you pass the challah?”
Costume Design: Seems simple enough, but the inclusion of “Milk” suggests I don’t understand what they’re looking for. Didn’t everyone in that film wear a faded, tight tee shirt? Anyway, Keira Knightley wears something really tall and wacky-looking on the DVD cover for “The Duchess,” so that’s good enough for me.
Art Direction: Again, I’m not exactly certain of the criteria, though I have a vague understanding. Because it’s unlikely to win anything else, I’ll predict a win for “Changeling,” though in this category I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of the nominees win.
Sound Mixing & Sound Editing: Being that nobody knows the difference between the two, I’ll consider it a win even if I mix them up. Let’s go with “The Dark Knight” for one and “WALL-E” for the other. Academy members will look to reward the year’s best blockbusters with technical awards like these.
Original Song: Having seen the nominees only once, it’s tough to recall a random song from each film. I would’ve predicted Bruce Springsteen had he been nominated for “The Wrestler” but now I’m confused. I’ll go with ‘Jai Ho’ from “Slumdog Millionaire.”
Original Score: Again, tough to remember without multiple viewings. I recall liking the music from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” but I suspect a win here for “Slumdog Millionaire,” whose music was a key part of the film’s identity.
Categories I Know SOMETHING About . . .
Visual Effects: This one could go to “The Dark Knight,” but expect a win for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” for the ‘Wow’ factor in several scenes, such as one where Brad Pitt’s character walks across a stage as an infant sized old man. I have no idea how they did that.
Make-Up: I’m pretty confident this will also go to “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” for a credible job capturing stars Pitt and Cate Blanchett at every imaginable age. Both were nearly unrecognizable as elderly characters.
Editing: More often than not this category matches with best picture, but all five nominees are really strong. Expect another win for “Slumdog Millionaire” for effectively merging Jamal’s past stories with the present.
Cinematography: A very tough call, this one could go to either the aforementioned “Slumdog Millionaire” or “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (writing that full title is starting to piss me off), but I predict a win for “The Dark Knight” for its dark atmospheric Gotham City. Still, this category is very much up for grabs.
Animated Feature: The biggest lock of the night; pick “WALL-E.” You can bet your children on this one.
Original Screenplay: Among the toughest categories to predict, because there is no standout. My pick would be “In Bruges,” a dialogue-driven violent comedy that was among the most surprising films of 2008. But I suspect the academy will reward “Milk,” in one of the few categories it has a real shot. It’s not a groundbreaking script, but it’s very efficient and takes no wrong turns. “WALL-E” is a possible spoiler, but I just don’t see the academy handing a writing award to an animated film.
Adapted Screenplay: My personal pick is “Frost/Nixon,” which unjustly doesn’t seem to have the widespread support of other top contenders. I found it completely engrossing, but won’t be disappointed when “Slumdog Millionaire” takes the prize. I can’t imagine ever writing such a detailed, complex story that despite the massive scope of events, somehow never seems contrived. It’s continually clever and never loses site of its characters.
Supporting Actress: This is the one primary category I wasn’t able to give it’s proper due having missed “Doubt,” which was awarded four acting nominations, two in this category (for Amy Adams and reported scene stealer Viola Davis). Taraji P. Henson gave a sweet performance in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” but I’m not even certain she was that film’s top supporting actress. Marisa Tomei would be my pick for “The Wrestler” had she not won an Oscar years ago for “My Cousin Vinny.” Unfortunately, that kind of thing factors into the academy’s decision process. I suspect the “Doubt” actresses will split their votes, leading to a win for Penelope Cruz for her work in Woody Allen’s “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.” Regrettably, I missed this one as well.
Supporting Actor: I don’t see any way Heath Ledger loses this for his work as the Joker in “The Dark Knight.” Sometimes people are ambivalent about voting for deceased actors, but in this case no other nominee has the steam to overcome him. If forced to pick an upset it’d be Josh Brolin for “Milk,” mainly because some consider the actor overdue for some kind of recognition, but like Henson (above), I don’t know if he’s even the best supporting performance in that film. Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for a fun, but silly performance in “Tropic Thunder,” and Michael Shannon’s nomination for “Revolutionary Road” was his award. The always excellent Phillip Seymour Hoffman won an Oscar three years ago and won’t win here. Bet the house on Ledger.
The Heavyweight Categories . . .
Actress: Let’s go by process of elimination here. Angelina Jolie was terrific in “Changeling,” but she’s got no chance. The lukewarm reception to the film and disappointing box-office did her in. Neither does critical favorite Melissa Leo for “Frozen River.” Anne Hathaway gave a breakthrough prestige performance in “Rachel Getting Married,” but some will view this as the first of several nominations down the road. That leaves Oscar favorite Meryl Streep for “Doubt,” and the actress many consider her heir apparent, Kate Winslet, nominated for her work in “The Reader.” The most nominated actor of all-time, Streep has two previous wins and some critics felt this was not among her finest work. Winslet contrastingly was by far the best part of her film, giving a multi-faceted performance that elevated the material. In addition to being long overdue, many felt she should’ve been nominated for “Revolutionary Road,” and will reward her for a strong year. It’s close, but Winslet’s the pick.
Actor: I missed seeing “The Visitor,” but in truth first time nominee Richard Jenkins has little chance in an unusually competitive field. Similarly, Pitt’s thoughtful work in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is probably the least likely win from that film’s leading thirteen nominations. Frank Langella gave a powerhouse performance as former President Richard Nixon in “Frost/Nixon,” but he’s generally seen as the 3rd place finisher here. Still, the leading contenders have detractors. Sean Penn was magnificent as the title character in “Milk and is a deserved favorite to win. But the gay theme may turn off older voters (see “Brokeback Mountain”) and Penn won this award just five years ago for “Mystic River.” Mickey Rourke’s personal story is the best of the bunch and his work in “The Wrestler” was as poignant and memorable as any 2008 performance. But he’s not exactly an eloquent speaker and the academy may not want to reward the reputable bad boy who turned his back on serious acting for years. Langella is a respected veteran with no flaws here, but his fellow actors picked Penn at the SAG awards, while Rourke took this prize at the Golden Globes. Make your own guess here, but I’ll go with Penn for “Milk.”
(Note: Clint Eastwood’s “Gran Torino” snub was a shock to me. This performance, combined with his work in “Million Dollar Baby” represents his finest dramatic work ever. It’s also emblematic of the unique, hard-edged tough guy persona he created decades ago. He’s also funny as hell and probably should be there ahead of Pitt).
Director: For anyone still reading, I’ve finally come to the top awards. “The Reader” director Stephen Daldry seems to have benefited most by Harvey Weinstein’s over-the-top campaign promotion for the film. Daldry is respected, now having been nominated in this category for his first three films (an amazing feat) along with “Billy Elliot” and “The Hours,” though ironically I’m not sure he’s truly warranted any of them. But he won’t win this, nor will Ron Howard, with his second directing nomination for “Frost/Nixon.” His was a professional job, as he creatively merged fact with fiction in a riveting account of an old event that felt new. But the film never really caught on with the public and he seems destined to be an also-ran. Similarly, “Milk’s” Gus Van Sant has a previous directing nomination and a sensational film that didn’t turn into the hit some thought it might. Both Howard and Van Sant were more solid than fancy, a good strategy for strong, sustained filmmaking, but not necessarily for winning awards. David Fincher is the wild card. He’s long been a critical favorite and it’s his first time here. But for every smashing review for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” there was another who called it an overlong “Forrest Gump” clone (I was not among those.) It was an ambitious project, very well made and featuring a lot of technical wizardry, but it’s not Fincher’s year. The award will likely go to Danny Boyle. Another first time nominee, his “Slumdog Millionaire” has been a word of mouth hit, a feel good story, and an epic tale of courage and tragedy. It’s also set in a country the film community hardly ever sees and certainly never like this, so expect Hollywood to reward themselves for venturing out and acknowledging Mr. Boyle, a worthy winner.
(M.I.A. Christopher Nolan, another long overdue filmmaker who I thought might sneak into the group even if “The Dark Knight” was ignored for best picture. He deserves recognition for crafting the smartest blockbuster in years and for getting his all-star cast to treat every scene as drama. I suspect some couldn’t bring themselves beyond seeing it as comic book material, but if “Gladiator” and “Lord of the Rings” can win best picture, I don’t see why “The Dark Knight” couldn’t have been nominated here. The amazing thing is Nolan’s film was better received critically and commercially than Fincher’s, making him seem a logical choice for director).
Picture: I probably could’ve combined this and the director’s category, because the nominees match up perfectly and I don’t see much changing here. For the most part they did a good job in this category, minus “The Reader” which is decent, but simply doesn’t measure up to the rest. Better nominees would’ve included the aforementioned “The Dark Knight,” “The Wrestler,” “Gran Torino,” or “WALL-E,” not to mention “Body of Lies,” “Changeling,” and “In Bruges.” “The Reader” won’t win; neither will “Frost/Nixon” (too small and political) and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (too big with a mixed reception). The one legitimate spoiler could be “Milk,” which was exceedingly well shot, written, and acted. It’s about an important subject and felt very relevant despite taking place nearly thirty years ago. But have all the voters even seen it? If “Brokeback Mountain” couldn’t defeat “Crash,” as the presumed favorite, I don’t see “Milk” gaining enough steam here as an underdog. Thus, your 2008 best picture goes to . (Envelope please) . . . . . Slumdog Millionaire,” an admirable choice who’s reputation will undoubtedly suffer over time as a result of this win. But that’s for bitter internet dwellers to decide.
Enjoy and Good Luck
The Oscars don’t provoke the same level of debate or interest they once did, particularly since there seems to be a new award show every Sunday from Jan. 1st to the end of March. Additionally, many publicly argue that campaigning now has more to do with the nominees than film quality. How else to explain the best picture inclusion of “The Reader?” Still, the academy awards are a must-see event for serious moviegoers. In a departure from the hit-and-miss comic hosts of years past, this year’s responsibility falls upon the only undeniably gay member of the X-Men, Hugh Jackman. My personal pick would’ve been Charles Barkley, who hilariously announced his picks on “Inside the NBA” this week using his uniquely irreverent assuredness.
The only guarantee this year (other than WALL-E) will be the inevitable, mostly disastrous red carpet filled with women who spent thousands of dollars on dresses and makeup that turn them into creatures unworthy of an endangered species list. I don’t know what it is about this night in particular, but more often than not the parade of fancy outfits and styles make me wonder if the stars stopped for a quick glance in the mirror before leaving the house. At least Kate Winslet always looks good.
Anyway, here are my picks for what will win and should win. I’ll start with the minor categories so you won’t stop reading halfway through.
Categories I Know NOTHING About . . .
Live Action Short Film & Animated Short Film: Since I’ve never heard of any of the nominees, I’ll go with the funniest sounding titles; “The Pig,” in the former and “Oktapodi” in the latter.
Documentary & Documentary Short Subject: The only documentary I’ve heard anything about was “Man on Wire,” so let’s go with that. For short subject, “Smile Pinki” sounds too amusing to ignore.
Foreign Film: Isn’t this category the reason they have awards shows in other countries? In Switzerland they don’t honor the best American film do they? Anyway my money’s on “Waltz With Bashir,” because again it’s the one title I’ve heard of, not to mention it comes from Israel. An Oscar win would give the people something new to talk about on Shabbat, rather than the usual “can you pass the challah?”
Costume Design: Seems simple enough, but the inclusion of “Milk” suggests I don’t understand what they’re looking for. Didn’t everyone in that film wear a faded, tight tee shirt? Anyway, Keira Knightley wears something really tall and wacky-looking on the DVD cover for “The Duchess,” so that’s good enough for me.
Art Direction: Again, I’m not exactly certain of the criteria, though I have a vague understanding. Because it’s unlikely to win anything else, I’ll predict a win for “Changeling,” though in this category I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of the nominees win.
Sound Mixing & Sound Editing: Being that nobody knows the difference between the two, I’ll consider it a win even if I mix them up. Let’s go with “The Dark Knight” for one and “WALL-E” for the other. Academy members will look to reward the year’s best blockbusters with technical awards like these.
Original Song: Having seen the nominees only once, it’s tough to recall a random song from each film. I would’ve predicted Bruce Springsteen had he been nominated for “The Wrestler” but now I’m confused. I’ll go with ‘Jai Ho’ from “Slumdog Millionaire.”
Original Score: Again, tough to remember without multiple viewings. I recall liking the music from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” but I suspect a win here for “Slumdog Millionaire,” whose music was a key part of the film’s identity.
Categories I Know SOMETHING About . . .
Visual Effects: This one could go to “The Dark Knight,” but expect a win for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” for the ‘Wow’ factor in several scenes, such as one where Brad Pitt’s character walks across a stage as an infant sized old man. I have no idea how they did that.
Make-Up: I’m pretty confident this will also go to “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” for a credible job capturing stars Pitt and Cate Blanchett at every imaginable age. Both were nearly unrecognizable as elderly characters.
Editing: More often than not this category matches with best picture, but all five nominees are really strong. Expect another win for “Slumdog Millionaire” for effectively merging Jamal’s past stories with the present.
Cinematography: A very tough call, this one could go to either the aforementioned “Slumdog Millionaire” or “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (writing that full title is starting to piss me off), but I predict a win for “The Dark Knight” for its dark atmospheric Gotham City. Still, this category is very much up for grabs.
Animated Feature: The biggest lock of the night; pick “WALL-E.” You can bet your children on this one.
Original Screenplay: Among the toughest categories to predict, because there is no standout. My pick would be “In Bruges,” a dialogue-driven violent comedy that was among the most surprising films of 2008. But I suspect the academy will reward “Milk,” in one of the few categories it has a real shot. It’s not a groundbreaking script, but it’s very efficient and takes no wrong turns. “WALL-E” is a possible spoiler, but I just don’t see the academy handing a writing award to an animated film.
Adapted Screenplay: My personal pick is “Frost/Nixon,” which unjustly doesn’t seem to have the widespread support of other top contenders. I found it completely engrossing, but won’t be disappointed when “Slumdog Millionaire” takes the prize. I can’t imagine ever writing such a detailed, complex story that despite the massive scope of events, somehow never seems contrived. It’s continually clever and never loses site of its characters.
Supporting Actress: This is the one primary category I wasn’t able to give it’s proper due having missed “Doubt,” which was awarded four acting nominations, two in this category (for Amy Adams and reported scene stealer Viola Davis). Taraji P. Henson gave a sweet performance in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” but I’m not even certain she was that film’s top supporting actress. Marisa Tomei would be my pick for “The Wrestler” had she not won an Oscar years ago for “My Cousin Vinny.” Unfortunately, that kind of thing factors into the academy’s decision process. I suspect the “Doubt” actresses will split their votes, leading to a win for Penelope Cruz for her work in Woody Allen’s “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.” Regrettably, I missed this one as well.
Supporting Actor: I don’t see any way Heath Ledger loses this for his work as the Joker in “The Dark Knight.” Sometimes people are ambivalent about voting for deceased actors, but in this case no other nominee has the steam to overcome him. If forced to pick an upset it’d be Josh Brolin for “Milk,” mainly because some consider the actor overdue for some kind of recognition, but like Henson (above), I don’t know if he’s even the best supporting performance in that film. Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for a fun, but silly performance in “Tropic Thunder,” and Michael Shannon’s nomination for “Revolutionary Road” was his award. The always excellent Phillip Seymour Hoffman won an Oscar three years ago and won’t win here. Bet the house on Ledger.
The Heavyweight Categories . . .
Actress: Let’s go by process of elimination here. Angelina Jolie was terrific in “Changeling,” but she’s got no chance. The lukewarm reception to the film and disappointing box-office did her in. Neither does critical favorite Melissa Leo for “Frozen River.” Anne Hathaway gave a breakthrough prestige performance in “Rachel Getting Married,” but some will view this as the first of several nominations down the road. That leaves Oscar favorite Meryl Streep for “Doubt,” and the actress many consider her heir apparent, Kate Winslet, nominated for her work in “The Reader.” The most nominated actor of all-time, Streep has two previous wins and some critics felt this was not among her finest work. Winslet contrastingly was by far the best part of her film, giving a multi-faceted performance that elevated the material. In addition to being long overdue, many felt she should’ve been nominated for “Revolutionary Road,” and will reward her for a strong year. It’s close, but Winslet’s the pick.
Actor: I missed seeing “The Visitor,” but in truth first time nominee Richard Jenkins has little chance in an unusually competitive field. Similarly, Pitt’s thoughtful work in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” is probably the least likely win from that film’s leading thirteen nominations. Frank Langella gave a powerhouse performance as former President Richard Nixon in “Frost/Nixon,” but he’s generally seen as the 3rd place finisher here. Still, the leading contenders have detractors. Sean Penn was magnificent as the title character in “Milk and is a deserved favorite to win. But the gay theme may turn off older voters (see “Brokeback Mountain”) and Penn won this award just five years ago for “Mystic River.” Mickey Rourke’s personal story is the best of the bunch and his work in “The Wrestler” was as poignant and memorable as any 2008 performance. But he’s not exactly an eloquent speaker and the academy may not want to reward the reputable bad boy who turned his back on serious acting for years. Langella is a respected veteran with no flaws here, but his fellow actors picked Penn at the SAG awards, while Rourke took this prize at the Golden Globes. Make your own guess here, but I’ll go with Penn for “Milk.”
(Note: Clint Eastwood’s “Gran Torino” snub was a shock to me. This performance, combined with his work in “Million Dollar Baby” represents his finest dramatic work ever. It’s also emblematic of the unique, hard-edged tough guy persona he created decades ago. He’s also funny as hell and probably should be there ahead of Pitt).
Director: For anyone still reading, I’ve finally come to the top awards. “The Reader” director Stephen Daldry seems to have benefited most by Harvey Weinstein’s over-the-top campaign promotion for the film. Daldry is respected, now having been nominated in this category for his first three films (an amazing feat) along with “Billy Elliot” and “The Hours,” though ironically I’m not sure he’s truly warranted any of them. But he won’t win this, nor will Ron Howard, with his second directing nomination for “Frost/Nixon.” His was a professional job, as he creatively merged fact with fiction in a riveting account of an old event that felt new. But the film never really caught on with the public and he seems destined to be an also-ran. Similarly, “Milk’s” Gus Van Sant has a previous directing nomination and a sensational film that didn’t turn into the hit some thought it might. Both Howard and Van Sant were more solid than fancy, a good strategy for strong, sustained filmmaking, but not necessarily for winning awards. David Fincher is the wild card. He’s long been a critical favorite and it’s his first time here. But for every smashing review for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” there was another who called it an overlong “Forrest Gump” clone (I was not among those.) It was an ambitious project, very well made and featuring a lot of technical wizardry, but it’s not Fincher’s year. The award will likely go to Danny Boyle. Another first time nominee, his “Slumdog Millionaire” has been a word of mouth hit, a feel good story, and an epic tale of courage and tragedy. It’s also set in a country the film community hardly ever sees and certainly never like this, so expect Hollywood to reward themselves for venturing out and acknowledging Mr. Boyle, a worthy winner.
(M.I.A. Christopher Nolan, another long overdue filmmaker who I thought might sneak into the group even if “The Dark Knight” was ignored for best picture. He deserves recognition for crafting the smartest blockbuster in years and for getting his all-star cast to treat every scene as drama. I suspect some couldn’t bring themselves beyond seeing it as comic book material, but if “Gladiator” and “Lord of the Rings” can win best picture, I don’t see why “The Dark Knight” couldn’t have been nominated here. The amazing thing is Nolan’s film was better received critically and commercially than Fincher’s, making him seem a logical choice for director).
Picture: I probably could’ve combined this and the director’s category, because the nominees match up perfectly and I don’t see much changing here. For the most part they did a good job in this category, minus “The Reader” which is decent, but simply doesn’t measure up to the rest. Better nominees would’ve included the aforementioned “The Dark Knight,” “The Wrestler,” “Gran Torino,” or “WALL-E,” not to mention “Body of Lies,” “Changeling,” and “In Bruges.” “The Reader” won’t win; neither will “Frost/Nixon” (too small and political) and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (too big with a mixed reception). The one legitimate spoiler could be “Milk,” which was exceedingly well shot, written, and acted. It’s about an important subject and felt very relevant despite taking place nearly thirty years ago. But have all the voters even seen it? If “Brokeback Mountain” couldn’t defeat “Crash,” as the presumed favorite, I don’t see “Milk” gaining enough steam here as an underdog. Thus, your 2008 best picture goes to . (Envelope please) . . . . . Slumdog Millionaire,” an admirable choice who’s reputation will undoubtedly suffer over time as a result of this win. But that’s for bitter internet dwellers to decide.
Enjoy and Good Luck
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Super Sunday and January News
Super Sunday is finally here. The big game follows a hectic recent period for news. It’s been nearly two weeks since Obama’s inauguration, which was actually pretty interesting to watch on DVR (fast-forwarding proved useful). I admittedly hadn’t felt compelled to watch it live, despite the excitement stirred by a bunch of people (most of whom nobody’s ever heard of) walking in a straight line for hours on end. For me the real story occurred when he had won the election, though I certainly understand why it was historic to so many thousands. But honestly, did we need to see Obama dance at six different balls? If I were him I’d be pissed off. He gave an inspiring, eloquent speech, provoking goose bumps with multiple promises, while hitting Bush with a few none-too-subtle jabs. His reward: Being filmed eating lunch and dancing in circles for cameras well passed a point when the average human’s heels would’ve buckled. I wouldn’t ever want to be president, especially if they’d make me swear in twice after a single verbal slip-up. If they’d made Bush repeat every statement he messed up, Obama’s big day would’ve been pushed to 2049. That was the low point of the day, though it was nearly off-set by the sight of Cheney rolling around in that wheelchair. For a while I figured one of his hunting buddies had decided to get revenge.
One thing that struck me these last few weeks about Obama is the extent to which he has become a genuine cross-over celebrity. He’s on the covers of magazines coming to my home (trust me, they have nothing to do with politics) and he’s been asked about everything from the songs on his iPod, to his favorite movies, to his ideas for an NCAA football playoff system. By all accounts he seems a pretty cool guy, which is going to make it really tough for the writers at SNL, the Daily Show, and the Late Night crews over the next several years (Having Bush in office for eight years had been a performance booster to comedy writers everywhere, just as steroids might enhance the quality of an athlete’s performance . . . Now we’ll have to see if they can still deliver). Still, Obama lay low on my radar compared to some other events in January. With the Ohio weather continuing to build toward my upcoming suicide attempt, I’ve been watching a lot of TV in my sweatpants when not working. Here’s a quick recap:
The 5th season premiere of “Lost” was easily the most anticipated television event in years and for the most part it delivered. Although I don’t know that the creators delivered on their promise of offering more answers than questions this year. The first episode flashed back and forward multiple times (picture “Back to the Future” if all the writers were on crack) and introduced more new characters to what is already the biggest cast on television. Still, I can’t get enough of it, as opposed to “American Idol,” which is finally becoming a bit long in the tooth. Hiring a 4th judge (the ridiculously hot Kara DioGuardi) was a smart move, but there haven’t been any surprises so far. Hopefully Hollywood week will prove more compelling.
The Screen Actors Guild award show was solid, featuring an amusing James Earl Jones tribute and the always anticipated “In Memoriam” montage. Predictably, Paul Newman drew the largest reaction in an unusually star-studded tribute. Major wins for Sean Penn (“Milk”) and Meryl Streep (“Doubt”) makes Oscar predictions more difficult than usual (my picks are on hold until I’ve seen the last few on my list). Those nominations were announced three days earlier, with the biggest snubs going to Clint Eastwood (“Gran Torino”) and “The Dark Knight.” I had a strong hunch the latter would get left out of the best picture and director categories, despite being remarkably qualified as compelling drama. While the show isn’t in and of itself about ratings, they’ve been declining rapidly over the last few years, especially in the wake of independent films dominating the major categories. Nominating a deserving candidate that just happens to be the biggest blockbuster in a dozen years would’ve increased awareness, viewership, and general acceptance. Since the mid-90s, the only two telecasts that didn’t stink it up in the Nielsen ratings featured “Titanic” and “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. You do the math.
In a development that’s relieved me of substantial stress, the Celtics have stormed back since the Cleveland annihilation a few weeks ago. They’ve won eleven straight and appear to have snapped out of their funk, making the idea of bringing in Stephon Marbury even more ludicrous. With the team reestablishing itself, the all-star snub of Ray Allen is a bit hard to fathom. Statistically he’s been the most proficient off-guard in the NBA and has arguably been the best player for Boston this year. Unfortunately, being selfless has proven a fault in this regard and the coaches should’ve known better. Voting three members of the Orlando Magic on to the team is absurd and points only to their surprising record. Dwight Howard should be their only representative. Out west I’m still not sure how Carmelo Anthony got left off the team, but he and Ray can go shoot eighteen holes and relax during the upcoming long weekend. For the record, I’m switching one of my finals picks. The Celtics will still be there, but I now see them facing the Spurs, which could result in a series so well played they could record and sell the DVD as an instructional video on fundamentals. Should the Green repeat however, they’ll be doing so without Lucky, who got the axe earlier this week. I thought I’d jump for joy the day the C’s parted ways with that trampoline jumping would-be leprechaun, but for some reason I feel bad for the guy.
Meanwhile the Red Sox continue to show their wisdom when it comes to signing valued commodities. This off-season they added John Smoltz, Brad Penny, and Rocco Baldelli, all of whom could make an impact. They also retained Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, Jonathan Papelbon, and captain Jason Varitek, making them favorites to reach the World Series in 2009. In related news, Jim Rice finally made the Hall of Fame on his 15th and final try. I’m really glad he’s in, but what in the world changed about his production from his first year of eligibility to this one? Did he get better? It’s a completely subjective vote that’s only going to become more controversial as more of the 90s power hitters become eligible. That reminds me; the funniest thing I read all week was that Mark McGwire’s baby brother Jay ratted him out publicly for his using steroids, in a book no less. There’s nothing like family huh? Anyway, I know it’s beating a dead horse, but I still can’t get over how good Boston sports have had it recently. Even the Patriots finished a strong season at 11-5 after losing the best player in football! Had they made the playoffs I suspect they’d have won a game or two, but probably fallen short of the Super Bowl, which now airs in four hours. Why do I cut these things so close?
I didn’t pick either Pittsburgh or Arizona to make the Super Bowl at the start of the playoffs, though both my picks (Baltimore and Philadelphia) made the conference championship games, meaning I did better than most prognosticators in that regard. The Steelers are the favorites and rightly so. They were arguably the best team in the NFL all year led by a brutal defense and one of the leagues toughest Quarterbacks. They don’t make many mistakes and are tough as nails. Arizona’s march towards the big game for the first time in their history has been stunning (though Tampa Bay’s World Series appearance was still far more improbable; those ESPN.com poll results are sillier than ever). I much prefer watching the Cardinals than Steelers, and am glad they emerged from the NFC, as opposed to the New York Giants who still suck Their offense is explosive and should they score first or at any time hit reach a ten-fourteen point lead, I don’t think Pittsburgh will come back. However, I don’t really see that happening, as much as I’d like to rub a loss into Steeler fans (who are at least as annoying as us Mass-Holes). History has shown time and time again that a great defense beats a great offense. Remember all those experts picking the Raiders against Tampa in 2002? How about the Ravens defense smothering NY in 2000? Or the underdog Pats defeating the Rams in 2001? True, the Colts did escape Chicago in 2006, but that’s because any random cashier from your local supermarket would’ve been an improvement for the Bears at Quarterback. They didn’t give themselves a realistic chance.
As spoiled as I’ve become watching the Patriots semi-annual trips to the big dance, I’m looking forward to tonight’s match up. The Cards have the most exciting receiving core in the league and Kurt Warner’s play has made for a great comeback story. In a way it’s a relief not having any feelings personally invested in the outcome. T and I will be making a pizza, munching on Doritos, and having a few drinks before inevitably switching to coffee around 9pm. Around the midway point in the 2nd quarter I suspect she’ll find her way to the computer, while I become giddy about the upcoming Bruce Springsteen halftime show. He probably only is allowed the time for three-four songs; I’m guessing “The Rising, “Glory Days,” and “Born to Run” for a close, with something off his new album mixed in. He’ll probably make at least one brief political statement (which I usually scoff at), but The Boss is among maybe five celebrities who I’m willing to let get away with anything. Actually, the most interesting news from the Super Bowl thus far is that as of Thursday they hadn’t sold out all their ad spots. Everyone knows the economy is terrible but this got my attention, as this is the single biggest promotion evening of the year for several companies both old and new. Super Bowl commercials have disappointed the last several years, so if even three are memorable I’ll consider it a solid night.
For what it’s worth, the Super Bowl already should have come and gone. That two week layover is still a dumb idea and tends to kill momentum. I’d be curious to see a ratings comparison for years in which the game has been telecast one week versus two weeks following the conference title games to see if there’s any difference. As the average viewer, I really see no other argument for postponing it. I lose interest between the end of the college football season and the bowl games (following a month break), I hate when television shows try to comeback after months of repeats . . . hype only works with limitations. The Super Bowl is a strong enough event to overcome a relatively short break, but it shouldn’t have to. Nobody needs an extra week of reporters and columnists repeating arguments they had seven days earlier.
In the end though I suppose it’s all about the outcome, so let me rub my crystal ball. This will be the final score, so put all your money down on what I’m about to tell you. I’m thinking . . . . . . I see Madden making at least thirty-four statements that make no sense . . . . . . This is hard . . . . . . I see a lot of Budweiser ads that will come too late to stop me from buying Coors . . . . . . It should be close . . . . . . No blow-outs tonight for sure . . . . . . I watched “Wanted” last night. It’s the most unapologetically violent, brainless, entertaining summer action movie in years . . . . . . Man, so many factors to consider . . . . . . Shit, I need to take out the trash . . . . . . I see lots of hollering and shoving following insignificant plays holding no bearing on the score from players you’ll never hear from again . . . . . . I need to get to the gym . . . . . . I got it!
Pittsburgh Steelers - 27
Arizona Cardinals – 21
Remember to stay tuned for an hour long episode of “The Office” after the game (you’d think I work for NBC’s advertising team). The game always has the potential to become a snoozer. But Michael Scott would never let that happen.
One thing that struck me these last few weeks about Obama is the extent to which he has become a genuine cross-over celebrity. He’s on the covers of magazines coming to my home (trust me, they have nothing to do with politics) and he’s been asked about everything from the songs on his iPod, to his favorite movies, to his ideas for an NCAA football playoff system. By all accounts he seems a pretty cool guy, which is going to make it really tough for the writers at SNL, the Daily Show, and the Late Night crews over the next several years (Having Bush in office for eight years had been a performance booster to comedy writers everywhere, just as steroids might enhance the quality of an athlete’s performance . . . Now we’ll have to see if they can still deliver). Still, Obama lay low on my radar compared to some other events in January. With the Ohio weather continuing to build toward my upcoming suicide attempt, I’ve been watching a lot of TV in my sweatpants when not working. Here’s a quick recap:
The 5th season premiere of “Lost” was easily the most anticipated television event in years and for the most part it delivered. Although I don’t know that the creators delivered on their promise of offering more answers than questions this year. The first episode flashed back and forward multiple times (picture “Back to the Future” if all the writers were on crack) and introduced more new characters to what is already the biggest cast on television. Still, I can’t get enough of it, as opposed to “American Idol,” which is finally becoming a bit long in the tooth. Hiring a 4th judge (the ridiculously hot Kara DioGuardi) was a smart move, but there haven’t been any surprises so far. Hopefully Hollywood week will prove more compelling.
The Screen Actors Guild award show was solid, featuring an amusing James Earl Jones tribute and the always anticipated “In Memoriam” montage. Predictably, Paul Newman drew the largest reaction in an unusually star-studded tribute. Major wins for Sean Penn (“Milk”) and Meryl Streep (“Doubt”) makes Oscar predictions more difficult than usual (my picks are on hold until I’ve seen the last few on my list). Those nominations were announced three days earlier, with the biggest snubs going to Clint Eastwood (“Gran Torino”) and “The Dark Knight.” I had a strong hunch the latter would get left out of the best picture and director categories, despite being remarkably qualified as compelling drama. While the show isn’t in and of itself about ratings, they’ve been declining rapidly over the last few years, especially in the wake of independent films dominating the major categories. Nominating a deserving candidate that just happens to be the biggest blockbuster in a dozen years would’ve increased awareness, viewership, and general acceptance. Since the mid-90s, the only two telecasts that didn’t stink it up in the Nielsen ratings featured “Titanic” and “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. You do the math.
In a development that’s relieved me of substantial stress, the Celtics have stormed back since the Cleveland annihilation a few weeks ago. They’ve won eleven straight and appear to have snapped out of their funk, making the idea of bringing in Stephon Marbury even more ludicrous. With the team reestablishing itself, the all-star snub of Ray Allen is a bit hard to fathom. Statistically he’s been the most proficient off-guard in the NBA and has arguably been the best player for Boston this year. Unfortunately, being selfless has proven a fault in this regard and the coaches should’ve known better. Voting three members of the Orlando Magic on to the team is absurd and points only to their surprising record. Dwight Howard should be their only representative. Out west I’m still not sure how Carmelo Anthony got left off the team, but he and Ray can go shoot eighteen holes and relax during the upcoming long weekend. For the record, I’m switching one of my finals picks. The Celtics will still be there, but I now see them facing the Spurs, which could result in a series so well played they could record and sell the DVD as an instructional video on fundamentals. Should the Green repeat however, they’ll be doing so without Lucky, who got the axe earlier this week. I thought I’d jump for joy the day the C’s parted ways with that trampoline jumping would-be leprechaun, but for some reason I feel bad for the guy.
Meanwhile the Red Sox continue to show their wisdom when it comes to signing valued commodities. This off-season they added John Smoltz, Brad Penny, and Rocco Baldelli, all of whom could make an impact. They also retained Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, Jonathan Papelbon, and captain Jason Varitek, making them favorites to reach the World Series in 2009. In related news, Jim Rice finally made the Hall of Fame on his 15th and final try. I’m really glad he’s in, but what in the world changed about his production from his first year of eligibility to this one? Did he get better? It’s a completely subjective vote that’s only going to become more controversial as more of the 90s power hitters become eligible. That reminds me; the funniest thing I read all week was that Mark McGwire’s baby brother Jay ratted him out publicly for his using steroids, in a book no less. There’s nothing like family huh? Anyway, I know it’s beating a dead horse, but I still can’t get over how good Boston sports have had it recently. Even the Patriots finished a strong season at 11-5 after losing the best player in football! Had they made the playoffs I suspect they’d have won a game or two, but probably fallen short of the Super Bowl, which now airs in four hours. Why do I cut these things so close?
I didn’t pick either Pittsburgh or Arizona to make the Super Bowl at the start of the playoffs, though both my picks (Baltimore and Philadelphia) made the conference championship games, meaning I did better than most prognosticators in that regard. The Steelers are the favorites and rightly so. They were arguably the best team in the NFL all year led by a brutal defense and one of the leagues toughest Quarterbacks. They don’t make many mistakes and are tough as nails. Arizona’s march towards the big game for the first time in their history has been stunning (though Tampa Bay’s World Series appearance was still far more improbable; those ESPN.com poll results are sillier than ever). I much prefer watching the Cardinals than Steelers, and am glad they emerged from the NFC, as opposed to the New York Giants who still suck Their offense is explosive and should they score first or at any time hit reach a ten-fourteen point lead, I don’t think Pittsburgh will come back. However, I don’t really see that happening, as much as I’d like to rub a loss into Steeler fans (who are at least as annoying as us Mass-Holes). History has shown time and time again that a great defense beats a great offense. Remember all those experts picking the Raiders against Tampa in 2002? How about the Ravens defense smothering NY in 2000? Or the underdog Pats defeating the Rams in 2001? True, the Colts did escape Chicago in 2006, but that’s because any random cashier from your local supermarket would’ve been an improvement for the Bears at Quarterback. They didn’t give themselves a realistic chance.
As spoiled as I’ve become watching the Patriots semi-annual trips to the big dance, I’m looking forward to tonight’s match up. The Cards have the most exciting receiving core in the league and Kurt Warner’s play has made for a great comeback story. In a way it’s a relief not having any feelings personally invested in the outcome. T and I will be making a pizza, munching on Doritos, and having a few drinks before inevitably switching to coffee around 9pm. Around the midway point in the 2nd quarter I suspect she’ll find her way to the computer, while I become giddy about the upcoming Bruce Springsteen halftime show. He probably only is allowed the time for three-four songs; I’m guessing “The Rising, “Glory Days,” and “Born to Run” for a close, with something off his new album mixed in. He’ll probably make at least one brief political statement (which I usually scoff at), but The Boss is among maybe five celebrities who I’m willing to let get away with anything. Actually, the most interesting news from the Super Bowl thus far is that as of Thursday they hadn’t sold out all their ad spots. Everyone knows the economy is terrible but this got my attention, as this is the single biggest promotion evening of the year for several companies both old and new. Super Bowl commercials have disappointed the last several years, so if even three are memorable I’ll consider it a solid night.
For what it’s worth, the Super Bowl already should have come and gone. That two week layover is still a dumb idea and tends to kill momentum. I’d be curious to see a ratings comparison for years in which the game has been telecast one week versus two weeks following the conference title games to see if there’s any difference. As the average viewer, I really see no other argument for postponing it. I lose interest between the end of the college football season and the bowl games (following a month break), I hate when television shows try to comeback after months of repeats . . . hype only works with limitations. The Super Bowl is a strong enough event to overcome a relatively short break, but it shouldn’t have to. Nobody needs an extra week of reporters and columnists repeating arguments they had seven days earlier.
In the end though I suppose it’s all about the outcome, so let me rub my crystal ball. This will be the final score, so put all your money down on what I’m about to tell you. I’m thinking . . . . . . I see Madden making at least thirty-four statements that make no sense . . . . . . This is hard . . . . . . I see a lot of Budweiser ads that will come too late to stop me from buying Coors . . . . . . It should be close . . . . . . No blow-outs tonight for sure . . . . . . I watched “Wanted” last night. It’s the most unapologetically violent, brainless, entertaining summer action movie in years . . . . . . Man, so many factors to consider . . . . . . Shit, I need to take out the trash . . . . . . I see lots of hollering and shoving following insignificant plays holding no bearing on the score from players you’ll never hear from again . . . . . . I need to get to the gym . . . . . . I got it!
Pittsburgh Steelers - 27
Arizona Cardinals – 21
Remember to stay tuned for an hour long episode of “The Office” after the game (you’d think I work for NBC’s advertising team). The game always has the potential to become a snoozer. But Michael Scott would never let that happen.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Most Fraudulent Cliche in Sports
You hear it during postgame interviews following any big win. The reporter corners the hometown hero, who answers mindless babble regarding working hard and stepping up to a challenge, before inevitably thanking his team’s fans. Ironically every player, regardless of location or the team to which he is affiliated announces his fans are the best in the league. However, certain rules immediately disqualify a fan base from being the best; Are they knowledgeable about the sport? Did they care about the team when they were bad? Do they have a legitimate rooting interest in their success beyond a fun night out at the arena?
I've been pondering these questions after attending Friday nights Cavaliers/Celtics game in Cleveland, a circled date on the calendar for any true basketball fan. Regrettably for yours truly, the Celtics played like donkeys with the exception of Kevin Garnett, who never seemed to stop working. But Paul Pierce and Ray Allen looked lethargic from start to finish, Rajon Rondo was inconsistent, and Doc Rivers couldn't find a single unit with any rhythm. We gave ourselves no shot to win as Cleveland out worked, out shot, and out defended us (inexcusable) for four straight quarters. Lebron James also had ‘that’ look in his eyes all night. You could see he wasn't going to let the Cavs lose as he subsequently dominated every aspect of the game. But enough reminiscing about the on court play. If I immerse myself deeply into how and why Boston has been playing so poorly the last couple of weeks, this entry will be twenty-five pages long. So let’s get back to my real concern, which involves the Cleveland fans. I realize there is no way to convince readers that I am capable of a neutral opinion on what follows, so you'll just have to take my word as fact (TB can vouch for everything I'm about to report, for what it's worth).
The Cleveland crowd, for lack of a better word, sucked. Throughout the first half, the sold out stadium was so quiet you could actually hear a pin drop. I at one point turned to TB to ask why we could hear conversations taking place ten rows away. Talk about a lifeless crowd. This was the biggest professional sporting event the city of Cleveland has seen since last year's playoffs, and the excitement was virtually nonexistent. I started texting friends in disbelief. Even when the Celtics went 15-67 during the dreadful 1996 season, the crowds were louder than this. The only energy in the building developed as a result of silly jumbotron prompts that had nothing to do with the Cavs! At random moments throughout the game, it flashed the logos of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Michigan Wolverines, and even the Boston Red Sox, all of which elicited sustained boos from the crowd. Apparently the magnitude of the game itself wasn't enough to get them caring, though not to worry. After I’d all but given up on them, the building exploded midway through the third with a rousing chorus of "Cha Lu Pa!" The crowd roared in unison and it took a full minute to figure out what they were suddenly screaming with enthusiasm. Over and over and over, chants of "Cha Lu Pa" echoed from one side of the stadium to the other. Nothing like Taco Bell to pump up twenty thousand fair weather fans.
During the fourth quarter the indifferent crowd finally came alive, although by that time the Cavs were up twenty, the outcome no longer in doubt. A "Boston sucks" chant suddenly echoed through the rafters from out of nowhere, though I suppose I expected it from this group of dispirited morons, who depended on a highlighted plus/minus score differential on the scoreboard to help identify how many points they were winning by. Seriously, a plus/minus digital score? Can they not add in Cleveland? I've never seen that before. While their eventual win brought the season series to a tie (1-1), the C’s are still the defending champions, and our city has amassed a plethora of recent championships. The last title won by this shitty city was for the Browns (1964), before the Super Bowl even existed! The fact that Cleveland broke into this disheartening chant made me chuckle. It's like the Rolling Stones being criticized by a wannabe startup band with no songs of note.
To highlight a few positives, Quicken Loans Arena was physically impressive. Newer and larger than the TD Banknorth Garden, it also boasted better entertainment value, at least throughout the concourse. They offered a free sign making booth, fun for both kids and obnoxious adults. With an option like this, frustrated fathers can escape dragging awkward cardboard cutouts featuring humorless lines like "We Rule" all the way from home. A team of young talented dancers occupied a space by the escalator and even encouraged fans to match their hip moves (sadly the only person we saw try was a middle-aged white guy). Additionally, the ‘Q’ provided an electronic basketball shooting game where you could challenge an opponent to see who could score more points in thirty seconds. The pretzels sold were in the shape of giant Q's, not exactly ingenious, but fun none the less. And offering Cold Stone Creamery products is always a smart move. The prices were more or less inline with Boston sporting events, though the beer was slightly cheaper. Lastly and most bizarrly they gave out a free deck of cards to every fan, causing me to wonder if they somehow knew I'd be writing this article.
Unfortunately the in-game entertainment was poor, very poor. Despite a cool opening fire blast and a funny montage showing famous Bostonians wearing simulated Cavs gear (including the stars of Cheers, Damon & Affleck, Bird & McHale, etc...), they were pretty stingy with alternative entertainment, including the lack of any halftime activities. Does this happen anywhere else? Young kids sat there with nothing to look at for sixteen minutes other than the two ball boys shooting lay-ups. The ‘Q’ didn't offer any fan money shot. They did replicate the slingshot shirt throw and parachute drop, though the latter didn't reach fans in the seats most deserving (i.e. the balcony). Rather the majority of them dropped into the laps of the affluent families occupying the lower level $200 seats. TB was quick to point out that the Cleveland uniforms didn't match, a fact, although they were wearing old school jerseys on this evening. The P.A. system was another failure, until the previously mentioned chalupa chants. At one point they played "Sweet Caroline" so softly I wondered if the goal was to taunt the few Boston fans who could hardly hear it, but they weren't that clever. Hearing that Sox anthem in a stadium where nobody sang along was perhaps the most depressing experience of 2009 thus far. The extended movie montages (a typical highlight for me) were few and far between, and the Cavs cheerleaders rarely took the court. Most disappointing was their team mascot Moondog, who brought no personality and his dunks were pedestrian at best. He actually made me long for Lucky, the C’s infuriating mascot who I regularly rip for being annoying.
It must be said that parking was much more accessible and cheaper ($15) than for Boston sporting events. Although with the weather being typically hideous for Ohio, our drive home was somewhat horrifying. Upon exiting the ‘Q’ a few obnoxious Cleveland fans began yelling for Celtic's fans to "suck their . . . . .,” a classy move if ever there was one. A young man from Columbus who sat next to us during the game had even remarked how “ghetto” the Cleveland masses were. A fellow Boston fan we spoke to actually informed us of his intent to register an official complaint over how disgusting the crowd had acted towards visiting fans. While I don't tend to take this stuff personally, I do find it telling that there were no taunts prior to tip-off or throughout the early stages of the game. While having a few pregame drinks at “Harry Buffalo,” a seemingly popular sport's bar across from the ‘Q’, we'd received a couple of stares from Cleveland fans, but not much conversation. I expected more having been showing off my official KG tank top and Celtic's hat. TB wore a green Celtics shirt, and the best any fan could come up with was a lifeless "so not cool" to me on my way to the bathroom. Where was the ridicule earlier in the evening? Doesn't Cleveland have any pride? I guess being so accustomed to losing, they don't pile it on until after registering a worthwhile victory, an achievement so rare they don't know how to act accordingly when they do win.
When all was said and done, the biggest cheers inside the ‘Q’ may have actually been for Ben Wallace, the most generously supported bad player in sports. The stadium went nuts when he hit a free throw in the final minutes, another rare event I gathered. Sure they cheered for the lovable Anderson Varejao (Cleveland’s answer to Brian Scalabrine). They went bonkers for the Chalupas and of course Lebron, who was awesome. But these were brief, isolated moments occupying perhaps thirty minutes of a game that ran almost three hours. One of my friends said the building sounded loud on TV, which makes me wonder how good ESPN's sound system must be to stage that kind of electricity. The energy during the fourth quarter was in my view completely nullified by the prolonged dead patches that marked the first three.
Fortunately, I wasn’t subjected to King James referencing the league’s ‘best fans’ in his postgame interview. If he had he'd have been lying, like so many athletes probably feel compelled to do. When he inevitably bolts for New York in 2010, he'll instantly know the kind of worthwhile fan base he's been missing all these years. Roughly 80% of the merchandise offered at the ‘Q’ concession stands consisted of tee shirts reading "Witness," a reference to the Nike sponsored ads for Lebron. Sadly for the Cleveland folks, they have little else to latch on to. And once their local hero abandons this despondent franchise, they will resort back to the indifferent demeanor that seems to characterize the entire city. While my beloved Celtics lost in disappointing fashion on this snowy evening, I left Cleveland with a sense of pride, taking solace in knowing where I come from and who I have the opportunity to support.
I've been pondering these questions after attending Friday nights Cavaliers/Celtics game in Cleveland, a circled date on the calendar for any true basketball fan. Regrettably for yours truly, the Celtics played like donkeys with the exception of Kevin Garnett, who never seemed to stop working. But Paul Pierce and Ray Allen looked lethargic from start to finish, Rajon Rondo was inconsistent, and Doc Rivers couldn't find a single unit with any rhythm. We gave ourselves no shot to win as Cleveland out worked, out shot, and out defended us (inexcusable) for four straight quarters. Lebron James also had ‘that’ look in his eyes all night. You could see he wasn't going to let the Cavs lose as he subsequently dominated every aspect of the game. But enough reminiscing about the on court play. If I immerse myself deeply into how and why Boston has been playing so poorly the last couple of weeks, this entry will be twenty-five pages long. So let’s get back to my real concern, which involves the Cleveland fans. I realize there is no way to convince readers that I am capable of a neutral opinion on what follows, so you'll just have to take my word as fact (TB can vouch for everything I'm about to report, for what it's worth).
The Cleveland crowd, for lack of a better word, sucked. Throughout the first half, the sold out stadium was so quiet you could actually hear a pin drop. I at one point turned to TB to ask why we could hear conversations taking place ten rows away. Talk about a lifeless crowd. This was the biggest professional sporting event the city of Cleveland has seen since last year's playoffs, and the excitement was virtually nonexistent. I started texting friends in disbelief. Even when the Celtics went 15-67 during the dreadful 1996 season, the crowds were louder than this. The only energy in the building developed as a result of silly jumbotron prompts that had nothing to do with the Cavs! At random moments throughout the game, it flashed the logos of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Michigan Wolverines, and even the Boston Red Sox, all of which elicited sustained boos from the crowd. Apparently the magnitude of the game itself wasn't enough to get them caring, though not to worry. After I’d all but given up on them, the building exploded midway through the third with a rousing chorus of "Cha Lu Pa!" The crowd roared in unison and it took a full minute to figure out what they were suddenly screaming with enthusiasm. Over and over and over, chants of "Cha Lu Pa" echoed from one side of the stadium to the other. Nothing like Taco Bell to pump up twenty thousand fair weather fans.
During the fourth quarter the indifferent crowd finally came alive, although by that time the Cavs were up twenty, the outcome no longer in doubt. A "Boston sucks" chant suddenly echoed through the rafters from out of nowhere, though I suppose I expected it from this group of dispirited morons, who depended on a highlighted plus/minus score differential on the scoreboard to help identify how many points they were winning by. Seriously, a plus/minus digital score? Can they not add in Cleveland? I've never seen that before. While their eventual win brought the season series to a tie (1-1), the C’s are still the defending champions, and our city has amassed a plethora of recent championships. The last title won by this shitty city was for the Browns (1964), before the Super Bowl even existed! The fact that Cleveland broke into this disheartening chant made me chuckle. It's like the Rolling Stones being criticized by a wannabe startup band with no songs of note.
To highlight a few positives, Quicken Loans Arena was physically impressive. Newer and larger than the TD Banknorth Garden, it also boasted better entertainment value, at least throughout the concourse. They offered a free sign making booth, fun for both kids and obnoxious adults. With an option like this, frustrated fathers can escape dragging awkward cardboard cutouts featuring humorless lines like "We Rule" all the way from home. A team of young talented dancers occupied a space by the escalator and even encouraged fans to match their hip moves (sadly the only person we saw try was a middle-aged white guy). Additionally, the ‘Q’ provided an electronic basketball shooting game where you could challenge an opponent to see who could score more points in thirty seconds. The pretzels sold were in the shape of giant Q's, not exactly ingenious, but fun none the less. And offering Cold Stone Creamery products is always a smart move. The prices were more or less inline with Boston sporting events, though the beer was slightly cheaper. Lastly and most bizarrly they gave out a free deck of cards to every fan, causing me to wonder if they somehow knew I'd be writing this article.
Unfortunately the in-game entertainment was poor, very poor. Despite a cool opening fire blast and a funny montage showing famous Bostonians wearing simulated Cavs gear (including the stars of Cheers, Damon & Affleck, Bird & McHale, etc...), they were pretty stingy with alternative entertainment, including the lack of any halftime activities. Does this happen anywhere else? Young kids sat there with nothing to look at for sixteen minutes other than the two ball boys shooting lay-ups. The ‘Q’ didn't offer any fan money shot. They did replicate the slingshot shirt throw and parachute drop, though the latter didn't reach fans in the seats most deserving (i.e. the balcony). Rather the majority of them dropped into the laps of the affluent families occupying the lower level $200 seats. TB was quick to point out that the Cleveland uniforms didn't match, a fact, although they were wearing old school jerseys on this evening. The P.A. system was another failure, until the previously mentioned chalupa chants. At one point they played "Sweet Caroline" so softly I wondered if the goal was to taunt the few Boston fans who could hardly hear it, but they weren't that clever. Hearing that Sox anthem in a stadium where nobody sang along was perhaps the most depressing experience of 2009 thus far. The extended movie montages (a typical highlight for me) were few and far between, and the Cavs cheerleaders rarely took the court. Most disappointing was their team mascot Moondog, who brought no personality and his dunks were pedestrian at best. He actually made me long for Lucky, the C’s infuriating mascot who I regularly rip for being annoying.
It must be said that parking was much more accessible and cheaper ($15) than for Boston sporting events. Although with the weather being typically hideous for Ohio, our drive home was somewhat horrifying. Upon exiting the ‘Q’ a few obnoxious Cleveland fans began yelling for Celtic's fans to "suck their . . . . .,” a classy move if ever there was one. A young man from Columbus who sat next to us during the game had even remarked how “ghetto” the Cleveland masses were. A fellow Boston fan we spoke to actually informed us of his intent to register an official complaint over how disgusting the crowd had acted towards visiting fans. While I don't tend to take this stuff personally, I do find it telling that there were no taunts prior to tip-off or throughout the early stages of the game. While having a few pregame drinks at “Harry Buffalo,” a seemingly popular sport's bar across from the ‘Q’, we'd received a couple of stares from Cleveland fans, but not much conversation. I expected more having been showing off my official KG tank top and Celtic's hat. TB wore a green Celtics shirt, and the best any fan could come up with was a lifeless "so not cool" to me on my way to the bathroom. Where was the ridicule earlier in the evening? Doesn't Cleveland have any pride? I guess being so accustomed to losing, they don't pile it on until after registering a worthwhile victory, an achievement so rare they don't know how to act accordingly when they do win.
When all was said and done, the biggest cheers inside the ‘Q’ may have actually been for Ben Wallace, the most generously supported bad player in sports. The stadium went nuts when he hit a free throw in the final minutes, another rare event I gathered. Sure they cheered for the lovable Anderson Varejao (Cleveland’s answer to Brian Scalabrine). They went bonkers for the Chalupas and of course Lebron, who was awesome. But these were brief, isolated moments occupying perhaps thirty minutes of a game that ran almost three hours. One of my friends said the building sounded loud on TV, which makes me wonder how good ESPN's sound system must be to stage that kind of electricity. The energy during the fourth quarter was in my view completely nullified by the prolonged dead patches that marked the first three.
Fortunately, I wasn’t subjected to King James referencing the league’s ‘best fans’ in his postgame interview. If he had he'd have been lying, like so many athletes probably feel compelled to do. When he inevitably bolts for New York in 2010, he'll instantly know the kind of worthwhile fan base he's been missing all these years. Roughly 80% of the merchandise offered at the ‘Q’ concession stands consisted of tee shirts reading "Witness," a reference to the Nike sponsored ads for Lebron. Sadly for the Cleveland folks, they have little else to latch on to. And once their local hero abandons this despondent franchise, they will resort back to the indifferent demeanor that seems to characterize the entire city. While my beloved Celtics lost in disappointing fashion on this snowy evening, I left Cleveland with a sense of pride, taking solace in knowing where I come from and who I have the opportunity to support.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Good-Byes of 2008
It's that time again. With 2008 about to give way to the New Year, I want to pay tribute to the people who passed this year. Not everyone is accounted for, but here are the individuals who meant something to me.
Aunt Bess (89): One of the funniest women I ever had the privilege of knowing. Though never in great health as long as I remember, she never let more than a minute go by without making us laugh, sometimes intentionally, other times not. Not even diabetes could stop her from a rich piece of chocolate. Aunt Bess was matter of fact about the grimmest of subjects, such as death, disease, and relationships (picture an even straighter-faced Steve Carell). But she was sharp as a bat and always showed a keen interest in what my brothers and I were doing with our lives. We didn't see her as often as I'm sure she would've liked (living 100 miles away), but knowing our visits brought her joy makes me smile, as does knowing where a pronounced portion of my sense of humor must've came from.
George Carlin (71): The list of genuinely funny comedians in my lifetime is pretty short. Now subtract those who were legitimate trail blazers, equal parts eloquent and merciless, and we only have one. I had the good fortune to see Carlin perform in Las Vegas in 2002, a phenomenal piece of work that ranks with a recent Jerry Seinfeld show as the funniest live comedy act I've seen. What set Carlin apart was his honesty, mastery of language (truly unique, he often sounded like a walking encyclopedia), and the fact that he never seemed to do a bit just to fill time. One could always find harsh truths hidden in the subtext of his carefully chosen words. Several of his acts ("Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, "Baseball and Football," "The Ten Commandments," "Airplane Safety," "Saving the Planet") have achieved legendary status. But it was his quick-witted attacks on religion, politics, and general stupidity perpetrated by all of us that made him a brilliant spokesman for his time.
Heath Ledger (28): Not since the death of River Phoenix had Hollywood lost such a promising young actor, whose legend is likely to grow as a result of his tragic passing. His performances elicited a stronger emotional response than all but a handful of actors from his generation. Even in lesser films such as "10 Things I Hate About You" and "The Patriot," his natural charisma elevated the material. His sad, muted work in "Brokeback Mountain" was as powerful as anything I've seen in the last decade of cinema. He deserved an Oscar for that role (2005), but will likely earn one posthumously for his stunning portrayal of the Joker in this summer's "The Dark Knight." Ledger balanced horror, humor, insanity, and brilliance in a role made famous to many by Jack Nicholson. Ledger's ultimate trick was in making sure his interpretation was the one we will all remember.
Paul Newman (83): Quite possibly the most likeable actor of all-time, Newman was also among the most versatile performers of his era. And at the risk of sounding very gay, he wasn't too ugly a fella either. Upon hearing news of his passing, my Mom sounded genuinely affected as she said "this one feels more personal somehow." Newman was a philanthropist of the highest order, raising an astounding 250 million for charity through his Newman's Own food company. He was rumored to have no ego, seemingly impossible given an astounding ten Academy Award nominations and a plethora of landmark films he will be remembered for. My favorite Newman performance was his rebellious turn as the title character in "Cool Hand Luke," followed closely by Fast Eddie Felson, a role he originated in "The Hustler" and returned to in "The Color of Money." Other essential performances included his work in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "Hud," "The Sting," "The Verdict," and "Road to Perdition." I would argue no current actor so successfully blurs the line between actor and movie star as Mr. Butch Cassidy did.
Roy Scheider (75): His passing early in 2008 didn't receive the same publicity as some of his more celebrated contemporaries, but Scheider possessed an everyman quality that several of his era's bigger names lacked. During the 1970s, considered by many to be the greatest decade in American cinema, Scheider made a lasting impression. His credits included the thrillers "Marathon Man" and "The French Connection," as well as the semi-autobiographical drama "All That Jazz." While the latter two earned him Oscar nominations, he was best known for his role as Police Chief Martin Brody, the reluctant hero of Steven Spielberg's "Jaws." The film most often credited with creating the Hollywood blockbuster, "Jaws" set itself apart on the strength of its human characters, usually absent in the thousands of clones since. Brody hated the water; Scheider made us believe it could happen to anyone.
Some Others We Lost . . .
Sammy Baugh (94): The last surviving member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame's inaugural class, the Washington Redskins quarterback is widely regarded as one of the finest to ever play the game.
John Costelloe (47): Costelloe was best known for his role as Johnny Cakes, the gay fireman and short-order cook who formed a relationship with closeted mob capo Vito in the final season of the HBO hit "The Sopranos."
Michael Crighton (66): The hugely successful author wrote several thrillers, including "The Great Train Robbery," "Jurassic Park," "The Lost World," "The Andromeda Strain," "Disclosure," and "Congo." He also created the Emmy Award-winning drama, "E.R.", one of the most popular television shows of the last twenty years.
Kevin Duckworth (44): Duckworth was a two-time All-Star center who helped the Portland Trail Blazers reach the NBA finals in both 1990 and 1992. The 1992 team, featuring a starting five of Duckworth, Clyde Drexler, Terry Porter, Buck Williams, and Jerome Kersey came as close to defeating Michael Jordan's Bulls as anyone.
Bobby Fischer (64): One of the finest chess players who ever lived, Fischer's disappearance from competitive chess provided the basis for the 1993 film "Searching for Bobby Fischer." He remains the only American to win the World Chess Championship.
Stanley Kamel (65): Though most widely known for his role on the USA series "Monk," I will remember him as mobster Tony Marchette, whose feud with Luke Perry's Dylan McKay provided the dramatic center of season 6 of "Beverly Hills 90210."
Estelle Getty (84): An Emmy and two-time Golden Globe winner for her role as Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls, Getty was actually younger than co-stars Bea Arthur and Betty White despite playing the foul-mouthed mother of the former. She later starred in the dreadful Sylvester Stallone comedy "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot."
Isaac Hayes (65): Among the most well-known musicians of the past half-century, Hayes also possessed one of the coolest voices the world has ever known. Among his many credits, the three-time Grammy winner performed the universally known "Theme from Shaft" and voiced Chef on Comedy Central's "South Park."
Charlton Heston (84): An outspoken political activist and noted gun nut, Heston was also Hollywood's go-to-guy for heroic epics throughout the 1950s-60s. His impressive resume included "The Ten Commandments," "El Cid," "Ben-Hur," "Touch of Evil," and
"Planet of the Apes." He also provided one of my favorite cameos
in "Wayne's World 2," making Mike Myers cry with his story of a girl he once knew on Gordon Street.
Bernie Mac (50): As much as anyone this year, Mac's death came as a complete shock. The engaging comedian lent his winning presence to films like "The Original Kings of Comedy," "Friday," "Above the Rim," "Life," "Bad Santa," and the "Ocean's 11" franchise. He was also nominated for two Emmy awards for his lead role on the self-titled "The Bernie Mac Show."
Sydney Pollack (73): One of the most respected talents in the film community, Pollack made impressions as an actor in films such as "The Player," "Eyes Wide Shut," and "Michael Clayton," though his real gift was directing. The Oscar winner's credits included "The Way We Were," "Three Days of the Condor," "Absence of Malice,"
"Out of Africa," and "The Firm." However, his crowning
achievement remains "Tootsie," one of the smartest and funniest comedies ever made.
Robert Prosky (77): One of cinema's quintessential "that guys," Prosky wasn't flashy but his work always lent credibility to the projects he chose. I'll remember him most for a pair of 1993 roles; as Father Cavanaugh who helps Rudy Ruettiger get into Notre Dame in "Rudy" and as Mr. Lundy, Robin Williams' boss in "Mrs. Doubtfire."
Brad Renfro (25): Renfro tragically OD'd from heroin use early in the year, ending an often troubled career that started with great promise in 1994. He followed his tremendous debut in the hit film "The Client" with strong performances in the underrated drama "Sleepers," "Apt Pupil," and "Ghost World."
Stan Winston (62): Anyone without a deep appreciation of film probably doesn't recognize his name, but the four-time Oscar winner's visual effects & make-up artistry proved essential to a number of hugely popular films. Winston's credits included "Aliens," "Predator," "Edward Scissorhands," "Terminator 2," "AI: Artificial Intelligence," and "Jurassic Park."
Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't briefly mention several of 2008's biggest retirements, starting off with one of the most polarizing athletes of my lifetime;
Antoine Walker: Though not officially retired, I doubt any team's going to go out of its way to sign 'Twoine, a one-time offensive talent who couldn't jump over a piece of paper. Seriously, what 6' 9" black man can't dunk a basketball with one hand? An athletic enigma if ever there was one, Walker was as likely to make Celtics fans smack their collective foreheads as cheer for the mercurial talent, an occasionally brilliant passer and turnover machine. In the years when Boston became the laughingstock of the NBA, Walker was noteworthy for his supreme entertainment value, which included his infamous wiggle, equally probable to appear following triple-double efforts and his many errant, tiptoed 3-point launches from 27 feet out. This past summer in Vegas, Walker was responsible for another highlight. Celebrating a good friend's bachelor party at Nine's Steakhouse, Walker briefly joined our parade of Boston fans for some laughs, high-fives, and best wishes for the intoxicated groom-to-be, who showed Antoine how the shimmy is really done.
Others who hung 'em up (presumably) for the last time . . .
MLB: Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Mike Piazza
MOA (Morons of America): George W. Bush & Dick Cheney
NBA: Pat Riley, Chris Webber, Bobby Knight (NCAA)
NFL: Troy Brown & Willie McGinest, Steve McNair, Warren Saap, Michael Strahan
Farewell 2008. Now join me as we say L'shanah haba'ah b'Yerushalayim!
Aunt Bess (89): One of the funniest women I ever had the privilege of knowing. Though never in great health as long as I remember, she never let more than a minute go by without making us laugh, sometimes intentionally, other times not. Not even diabetes could stop her from a rich piece of chocolate. Aunt Bess was matter of fact about the grimmest of subjects, such as death, disease, and relationships (picture an even straighter-faced Steve Carell). But she was sharp as a bat and always showed a keen interest in what my brothers and I were doing with our lives. We didn't see her as often as I'm sure she would've liked (living 100 miles away), but knowing our visits brought her joy makes me smile, as does knowing where a pronounced portion of my sense of humor must've came from.
George Carlin (71): The list of genuinely funny comedians in my lifetime is pretty short. Now subtract those who were legitimate trail blazers, equal parts eloquent and merciless, and we only have one. I had the good fortune to see Carlin perform in Las Vegas in 2002, a phenomenal piece of work that ranks with a recent Jerry Seinfeld show as the funniest live comedy act I've seen. What set Carlin apart was his honesty, mastery of language (truly unique, he often sounded like a walking encyclopedia), and the fact that he never seemed to do a bit just to fill time. One could always find harsh truths hidden in the subtext of his carefully chosen words. Several of his acts ("Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, "Baseball and Football," "The Ten Commandments," "Airplane Safety," "Saving the Planet") have achieved legendary status. But it was his quick-witted attacks on religion, politics, and general stupidity perpetrated by all of us that made him a brilliant spokesman for his time.
Heath Ledger (28): Not since the death of River Phoenix had Hollywood lost such a promising young actor, whose legend is likely to grow as a result of his tragic passing. His performances elicited a stronger emotional response than all but a handful of actors from his generation. Even in lesser films such as "10 Things I Hate About You" and "The Patriot," his natural charisma elevated the material. His sad, muted work in "Brokeback Mountain" was as powerful as anything I've seen in the last decade of cinema. He deserved an Oscar for that role (2005), but will likely earn one posthumously for his stunning portrayal of the Joker in this summer's "The Dark Knight." Ledger balanced horror, humor, insanity, and brilliance in a role made famous to many by Jack Nicholson. Ledger's ultimate trick was in making sure his interpretation was the one we will all remember.
Paul Newman (83): Quite possibly the most likeable actor of all-time, Newman was also among the most versatile performers of his era. And at the risk of sounding very gay, he wasn't too ugly a fella either. Upon hearing news of his passing, my Mom sounded genuinely affected as she said "this one feels more personal somehow." Newman was a philanthropist of the highest order, raising an astounding 250 million for charity through his Newman's Own food company. He was rumored to have no ego, seemingly impossible given an astounding ten Academy Award nominations and a plethora of landmark films he will be remembered for. My favorite Newman performance was his rebellious turn as the title character in "Cool Hand Luke," followed closely by Fast Eddie Felson, a role he originated in "The Hustler" and returned to in "The Color of Money." Other essential performances included his work in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "Hud," "The Sting," "The Verdict," and "Road to Perdition." I would argue no current actor so successfully blurs the line between actor and movie star as Mr. Butch Cassidy did.
Roy Scheider (75): His passing early in 2008 didn't receive the same publicity as some of his more celebrated contemporaries, but Scheider possessed an everyman quality that several of his era's bigger names lacked. During the 1970s, considered by many to be the greatest decade in American cinema, Scheider made a lasting impression. His credits included the thrillers "Marathon Man" and "The French Connection," as well as the semi-autobiographical drama "All That Jazz." While the latter two earned him Oscar nominations, he was best known for his role as Police Chief Martin Brody, the reluctant hero of Steven Spielberg's "Jaws." The film most often credited with creating the Hollywood blockbuster, "Jaws" set itself apart on the strength of its human characters, usually absent in the thousands of clones since. Brody hated the water; Scheider made us believe it could happen to anyone.
Some Others We Lost . . .
Sammy Baugh (94): The last surviving member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame's inaugural class, the Washington Redskins quarterback is widely regarded as one of the finest to ever play the game.
John Costelloe (47): Costelloe was best known for his role as Johnny Cakes, the gay fireman and short-order cook who formed a relationship with closeted mob capo Vito in the final season of the HBO hit "The Sopranos."
Michael Crighton (66): The hugely successful author wrote several thrillers, including "The Great Train Robbery," "Jurassic Park," "The Lost World," "The Andromeda Strain," "Disclosure," and "Congo." He also created the Emmy Award-winning drama, "E.R.", one of the most popular television shows of the last twenty years.
Kevin Duckworth (44): Duckworth was a two-time All-Star center who helped the Portland Trail Blazers reach the NBA finals in both 1990 and 1992. The 1992 team, featuring a starting five of Duckworth, Clyde Drexler, Terry Porter, Buck Williams, and Jerome Kersey came as close to defeating Michael Jordan's Bulls as anyone.
Bobby Fischer (64): One of the finest chess players who ever lived, Fischer's disappearance from competitive chess provided the basis for the 1993 film "Searching for Bobby Fischer." He remains the only American to win the World Chess Championship.
Stanley Kamel (65): Though most widely known for his role on the USA series "Monk," I will remember him as mobster Tony Marchette, whose feud with Luke Perry's Dylan McKay provided the dramatic center of season 6 of "Beverly Hills 90210."
Estelle Getty (84): An Emmy and two-time Golden Globe winner for her role as Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls, Getty was actually younger than co-stars Bea Arthur and Betty White despite playing the foul-mouthed mother of the former. She later starred in the dreadful Sylvester Stallone comedy "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot."
Isaac Hayes (65): Among the most well-known musicians of the past half-century, Hayes also possessed one of the coolest voices the world has ever known. Among his many credits, the three-time Grammy winner performed the universally known "Theme from Shaft" and voiced Chef on Comedy Central's "South Park."
Charlton Heston (84): An outspoken political activist and noted gun nut, Heston was also Hollywood's go-to-guy for heroic epics throughout the 1950s-60s. His impressive resume included "The Ten Commandments," "El Cid," "Ben-Hur," "Touch of Evil," and
"Planet of the Apes." He also provided one of my favorite cameos
in "Wayne's World 2," making Mike Myers cry with his story of a girl he once knew on Gordon Street.
Bernie Mac (50): As much as anyone this year, Mac's death came as a complete shock. The engaging comedian lent his winning presence to films like "The Original Kings of Comedy," "Friday," "Above the Rim," "Life," "Bad Santa," and the "Ocean's 11" franchise. He was also nominated for two Emmy awards for his lead role on the self-titled "The Bernie Mac Show."
Sydney Pollack (73): One of the most respected talents in the film community, Pollack made impressions as an actor in films such as "The Player," "Eyes Wide Shut," and "Michael Clayton," though his real gift was directing. The Oscar winner's credits included "The Way We Were," "Three Days of the Condor," "Absence of Malice,"
"Out of Africa," and "The Firm." However, his crowning
achievement remains "Tootsie," one of the smartest and funniest comedies ever made.
Robert Prosky (77): One of cinema's quintessential "that guys," Prosky wasn't flashy but his work always lent credibility to the projects he chose. I'll remember him most for a pair of 1993 roles; as Father Cavanaugh who helps Rudy Ruettiger get into Notre Dame in "Rudy" and as Mr. Lundy, Robin Williams' boss in "Mrs. Doubtfire."
Brad Renfro (25): Renfro tragically OD'd from heroin use early in the year, ending an often troubled career that started with great promise in 1994. He followed his tremendous debut in the hit film "The Client" with strong performances in the underrated drama "Sleepers," "Apt Pupil," and "Ghost World."
Stan Winston (62): Anyone without a deep appreciation of film probably doesn't recognize his name, but the four-time Oscar winner's visual effects & make-up artistry proved essential to a number of hugely popular films. Winston's credits included "Aliens," "Predator," "Edward Scissorhands," "Terminator 2," "AI: Artificial Intelligence," and "Jurassic Park."
Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't briefly mention several of 2008's biggest retirements, starting off with one of the most polarizing athletes of my lifetime;
Antoine Walker: Though not officially retired, I doubt any team's going to go out of its way to sign 'Twoine, a one-time offensive talent who couldn't jump over a piece of paper. Seriously, what 6' 9" black man can't dunk a basketball with one hand? An athletic enigma if ever there was one, Walker was as likely to make Celtics fans smack their collective foreheads as cheer for the mercurial talent, an occasionally brilliant passer and turnover machine. In the years when Boston became the laughingstock of the NBA, Walker was noteworthy for his supreme entertainment value, which included his infamous wiggle, equally probable to appear following triple-double efforts and his many errant, tiptoed 3-point launches from 27 feet out. This past summer in Vegas, Walker was responsible for another highlight. Celebrating a good friend's bachelor party at Nine's Steakhouse, Walker briefly joined our parade of Boston fans for some laughs, high-fives, and best wishes for the intoxicated groom-to-be, who showed Antoine how the shimmy is really done.
Others who hung 'em up (presumably) for the last time . . .
MLB: Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Mike Piazza
MOA (Morons of America): George W. Bush & Dick Cheney
NBA: Pat Riley, Chris Webber, Bobby Knight (NCAA)
NFL: Troy Brown & Willie McGinest, Steve McNair, Warren Saap, Michael Strahan
Farewell 2008. Now join me as we say L'shanah haba'ah b'Yerushalayim!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happy Holidays from Ohio
End the Past Year with Some Holiday Cheer
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Beefy was bored,
Flipping through channels, drinking coke that I poured.
"It’s a Wonderful Life" seemed a wise choice to me,
TB, her Mom, and myself totaled 3.
With night 4 of Chanukah and Christmas about,
It’s time to start writing, rather than shout.
An ode then to all that was 2008,
The highs and the lows, the crappy and great.
Moving to Ohio where the weather plain blows,
The rain, the wind, and the snow are my foes.
I got a bad cold and was sick for a week,
Jobless and broke, my situation was bleak.
But TB got straight A’s and did great in school,
Supporting yours truly with groceries and fuel.
We’ve mostly adjusted and today I got work,
Thank God for Trinity: A video store clerk.
I’ve been working out and can run a 5K,
I honestly never thought I’d see the day.
Setting goals is key and keeps me on track,
Especially when I’m in the mood for a juicy Big Mac.
I long for old Boston, the game day high fives,
Several old friends have turned girlfriends to wives.
We’re all growing up, some quicker than others,
But even far apart, they’re all still my brothers.
I do miss my family, though we talk every day,
They loyally read every word that I say.
From movies to sports to the babble I write,
They always find humor laced with a sarcastic bite.
Speaking of sports, what a year it has been,
My beloved Celtics continue to win.
On pace to break records with Rondo a star,
For a second I almost forget M.L. Carr.
I know they’ll beat up L.A. tomorrow,
To heal me from feeling any Red Sox sorrow,
The Yankees spending has left me all hollow,
All hail the wealthy, Teixeira will follow.
I’m sure they’ll be fine, just likes the Pats
Marching onward with the confidence of Minnesota Fats.
Brady is down, but Cassel is a winner,
I can’t wait for tomorrow’s ham and latke dinner (no joke!)
This year the best shows were "The Office" and "Lost,"
That flash-forward business had me all turned and tossed.
Better than anything at the movies for sure,
Will "Benjamin Button" finally be the cure?
"10,000 B.C." was the worst of all-time,
"Burn After Reading" wasn’t worth a dime,
Movies about women were hideously bad,
"The Women" and "Mamma Mia" simply made me mad.
"Narnia" sucked, "Tropic Thunder" was a bore,
And "Sex and the City" was quite a lame chore.
To the library I went to rent some old hits,
Nearly all of them boasted superior wits.
I’ve hardly played cards, but a break is ok,
Not like I’ve had the resources anyway.
I may soon be teaching the young kids again,
If I ever get a call back, who knows if and when?
For now I’ll look forward to 2009,
A full year in the Midwest to think and to whine.
I’m half-kidding though, things are turning around,
Maybe by then a writing job I’ll have found.
But I do have my health, my friends, fam., and T.B.,
I’m actually a pretty lucky guy don’t you see?
Can’t wait for tomorrow morning's parade with Al Roker,
See you all in July from the World Series of Poker.
Happy Holidays,
Z
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Beefy was bored,
Flipping through channels, drinking coke that I poured.
"It’s a Wonderful Life" seemed a wise choice to me,
TB, her Mom, and myself totaled 3.
With night 4 of Chanukah and Christmas about,
It’s time to start writing, rather than shout.
An ode then to all that was 2008,
The highs and the lows, the crappy and great.
Moving to Ohio where the weather plain blows,
The rain, the wind, and the snow are my foes.
I got a bad cold and was sick for a week,
Jobless and broke, my situation was bleak.
But TB got straight A’s and did great in school,
Supporting yours truly with groceries and fuel.
We’ve mostly adjusted and today I got work,
Thank God for Trinity: A video store clerk.
I’ve been working out and can run a 5K,
I honestly never thought I’d see the day.
Setting goals is key and keeps me on track,
Especially when I’m in the mood for a juicy Big Mac.
I long for old Boston, the game day high fives,
Several old friends have turned girlfriends to wives.
We’re all growing up, some quicker than others,
But even far apart, they’re all still my brothers.
I do miss my family, though we talk every day,
They loyally read every word that I say.
From movies to sports to the babble I write,
They always find humor laced with a sarcastic bite.
Speaking of sports, what a year it has been,
My beloved Celtics continue to win.
On pace to break records with Rondo a star,
For a second I almost forget M.L. Carr.
I know they’ll beat up L.A. tomorrow,
To heal me from feeling any Red Sox sorrow,
The Yankees spending has left me all hollow,
All hail the wealthy, Teixeira will follow.
I’m sure they’ll be fine, just likes the Pats
Marching onward with the confidence of Minnesota Fats.
Brady is down, but Cassel is a winner,
I can’t wait for tomorrow’s ham and latke dinner (no joke!)
This year the best shows were "The Office" and "Lost,"
That flash-forward business had me all turned and tossed.
Better than anything at the movies for sure,
Will "Benjamin Button" finally be the cure?
"10,000 B.C." was the worst of all-time,
"Burn After Reading" wasn’t worth a dime,
Movies about women were hideously bad,
"The Women" and "Mamma Mia" simply made me mad.
"Narnia" sucked, "Tropic Thunder" was a bore,
And "Sex and the City" was quite a lame chore.
To the library I went to rent some old hits,
Nearly all of them boasted superior wits.
I’ve hardly played cards, but a break is ok,
Not like I’ve had the resources anyway.
I may soon be teaching the young kids again,
If I ever get a call back, who knows if and when?
For now I’ll look forward to 2009,
A full year in the Midwest to think and to whine.
I’m half-kidding though, things are turning around,
Maybe by then a writing job I’ll have found.
But I do have my health, my friends, fam., and T.B.,
I’m actually a pretty lucky guy don’t you see?
Can’t wait for tomorrow morning's parade with Al Roker,
See you all in July from the World Series of Poker.
Happy Holidays,
Z
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