As many of you know, politics are not exactly my forte. I'm pulling for Obama in large part because he's a democrat and because I value his priorities a lot more than Bush and McCain, who seem like long-lost brothers in many ways. I gave their first debate my all last night, but ultimately lasted until just past the half-way point. Believe me though, this represents major progress for me. A poll on MSN revealed that 52% felt Obama won, 34% felt McCain won, and the rest were either undecided or thought it was a tie. Here to help you decide who really won is a rough transcript of the first presedential debate between my girlfriend and I.
9:00-9:15 PM:
I'm really pumped up to give this thing a real try.
Z: "Maybe MCain will forget where he is and it'll be over"
T: (laughs)
Attention turns to Jim Lehrer, the moderator of these proceedings.
Z: "Why does this guy get to come up with the questions? (pause) Obama looks nervous."
T: "Does Obama have snot under his nose?" Z looks at T and chuckles. T looks back seriously. "What?"
McCain takes long pause before thanking the university hosting the debate.
Z: "McCain almost forgot what school they're at!"
T: "McCain hasn't been feeling well? What if he has diarrhea?" (laughs)
She goes to get laundry basket for some folding. She comes back and stares closely at McCain.
T: "Why is only his bottom lip moving?"
Z: "Guy's a freak."
McCain makes a joke about his own hearing, smiling as he asks "Afraid I can't hear him." At least the old fart has a sense of humor.
9:16-9:30 PM:
Z: "McCain has an awful combover."
T: "I dunno, his hair's so white it blends with his scalp."
Two Minutes go by.
T: "What are they talking about?"
Z: "Obama's ears are huge!"
A few seconds later Obama uses the word earmarks and I explode with laughter.
Z: "Do you think Obama wants to shave his head, but knows he can't?"
T: "Why?"
Z: "Because he'd look cooler."
McCain laughs at a personal in-joke about being called 'The Sheriff.' Is he even paying attention? Obama doesn't think so and cuts him off when he's attempting to discuss taxes. At this moment, Jim starts mumbling.
Z: "The guy running this thing is a stuttering idiot."
T: "What if McCain gets Alzheimers?"
McCain proceeds to use the word 'fastuned.'
Z: "What? Is that even a word?"
McCain then refers to Obama as 'Captain' before correcting himself with 'Senator.'
Z: "Are there commercials in this?"
T: "Don't know.
In place of the word million, McCain says 'mirrion.
T: "These people talk funny."
Obama then mentions Ohio and Michigan. T throws her arms up in the air.
T: "Ohioooooo!"
9:31-9:45 PM:
Z: "I can't believe they have to stand this whole time?"
Obama refers to McCain as 'Tom' instead of Jon, forcing a rewind on my part. Obama then recommends cutting back on the $10 BILLION a month we are spending in Iraq. I get bored and peruse the viewing guide.
Z: "Hey, The Cable Guy's on."
McCain then announces that we owe China $500 BILLION. Z looks up in shock.
Z: "What???"
I turn to T, who'se on the computer playing free cell.
Obama then calls McCain 'Jim', before proceeding to use the word 'orgy' to describe our spending. McCain counters by announcing his wife is a real maverick. Jim looks up, realizing the debate is falling apart and quickly changes the subject. McCain proudly announces that he went to Iraq in 2003 and realized we had to change our strategy there.
Z: "Wow. This guy's a pioneer huh?"
9:46-10:00 PM:
Obama is owning McCain and Bush for their lack of common sense in invading Iraq in the first place, in large part because of the absurd amount of money spent and all the American lives that've been lost. McCain quickly attempts to distract the criticism with talks of patriotism and then accuses Obama of denying that we are winning the war. Obama shakes his head, saying "that's not true." Insightful.
Z: "You think Bush is even watch this? I bet he's playing Wii."
T: (laughs)
Obama complains we don't even have enough troops in Afghanistan, because we have so many more troops in Iraq than when we originally surged. McCain then becomes the first man to use the word 'explectations.' Scary shades of Bush there. McCain is clearly rattled as Obama announces that there wasn't even Al Queda until we invaded. Obama is so fumed he starts pronouncing Pakistan as 'Pakeeston.' McCain followed that up by calling the Taliban 'Taleeban.' It sounds Mexican.
10:01-10:07 PM
T: "Obama's either gonna make all white people slaves or give information to Bin Laden. He gives me a sick feeling in my stomach."
McCain keeps mentioning General Patrias, who I've never even heard of.
Z: "I'm pretty sure he just made that guy up."
Obama then accuses McCain of singing songs about bombing Iran. McCain responds by reciting his resume, including his personal history in Congress, which has nothing to do with anything.
Z: "What is he talking about? He just makes statements that completely avoid the issues!"
McCain then talks about a bracelet he got from a mother in New Hampshire. Obama retorts by announcing he also has a bracelet.
I then get a text message from my youngest brother reading 'peepeepoopoo.' Always nice to get words of wisdom from family. Jim then smiles and proudly announces that each candidate has had equal talk time, as if he's looking for a pat on the back and some cookies. T has officially stopped watching.
Z: "Wanna watch the Cosby show?"
T: (laughs)
Z: "Seriously, you still wanna watch this?"
T: "No."
I change the channel to TV Land and start to relax for the first time in over an hour.
Reel Opinions on Movies
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Summer Movie Wrap-Up - Pt. I, THE GOOD
Another summer at the movies has come and gone, and my reaction is mixed. Part of me is ready to embrace the smarter, more mature fare that unspools throughout November and December, just in time for oscar season. The other part of me misses the hype, the explosions, and the ads featuring phony quotes. You know they're phony when you read blurbs like "Evan Almighty is the funniest movie I've seen since Caddyshack," says Joe Smith-Johnson from a periodical in a city you've never heard of. For the most part this past summer was as expected. A couple movies were great, a few were horrendous, and the remainder fell into the mediocrity zone (I'm copyrighting that phrase, so don't steal it). More than anything though, my confidence in the impact of screenwriting was reaffirmed. The script more than any other factor makes or breaks the movie, and this summer offered prime evidence. In fact, several actors clawed through uninspired remakes, unfocused plots, and unwanted violence just to make their films tolerable. Among those who survived mostly unscathed were Will Smith, Steve Carrell, Meryl Streep, and Harrison Ford, who made a welcome return as the greatest fictional adventurer of all-time (see blog entitled 'The Return of Indiana Jones' for a full review). However, the summer's three best performances belonged to . . .
Robery Downey Jr.: By any reasonable measure, the former drug addict was the star of the summer. Afer years of quirky performances in critical darlings, Downey Jr. broke through with Iron Man, which shattered industry expectations in becoming the year's 2nd biggest hit. Delivering sharp dialogue with cocky zeal, he infused Tony Stark with more personality than any other movie superhero on record. The character's surprise cameo at the end of The Incredible Hulk actually received more excitement than anything else in the latter movie. For an encore, he starred as Australian method actor Kirk Lazarus playing a black character named Sgt. Osiris in the self-referential misfire Tropic Thunder. Though the film spent way too much time winking at itself and tossing limbs around like confetti, Downey Jr. rose above it, providing almost all of the laughs with rapid-fire delivery and assorted accents.
James Franco: After years of whining at Peter Parker for killing his insane father, I'd nearly given up on the talented, though inconsistent Franco. But he restored my confidence with Pineapple Express, a stoner comedy in which he goes on the run with buddy Seth Rogan after the latter witnesses a murder. Franco played Saul Silver, a clueless drug dealer who hazily enjoyed BK chicken fries and reruns of The Jeffersons. Franco found the perfect tone for Saul, balancing sincerety with foolishness in a performance that deserves mention alongside celebrated cinematic potheads like Jeff Spicoli, David Wooderson, and Jeffrey Lebowski.
Heath Ledger: Alternately hysterical and horrifying, Ledger captivated audiences with one of the best villanious performances of the decade. It's not easy playing the most famous villain in comic-books, especially since Jack Nicholson made the character his own almost 20 years ago. But from the opening scene, Ledger left no doubt as to which Joker I will remember. He dominated The Dark Knight without hogging the spotlight, and forced the other A-listers (Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, etc.) to raise their game. The Dark Knight quickly become the biggest blockbuster since Titanic and one suspects fascination following Ledger's death last January was a major contributer. Ironically, his death will likely help earn him a best supporting actor nomination at years end, though he deserves one on the basis of his performance.
Others who merit mention for a job well done . . .
Gary Oldman: The Dark Knight's other great performance belonged to Oldman as Lt. Jim Gordon, the only honest cop in Gotham City. Oldman played the part as seriously as he would Shakespeare to assure us that we were watching something truly important. His performace was most crucial in grounding what became a morality tale filled with life and death choices in the midst of near anarchy.
Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly: Comedy is not easy. If you put two lesser comedic talents in their place, Step Brothers could've sunk under the shear stupidity of the concept. But the summer's best screen duo drew laughs even when they weren't there, playing the most immature grownups since Harry and Lloyd. The best scene; when they unknowingly sleepwalked through their parent's kitchen.
The Creators of WALL-E: Pixar scored again with one of the best films of the year, animated or otherwise. WALL-E dazzled with clever ideas and impressive visuals as it followed the title character from his trash collecting duties on Earth to his adventures onboard the spaceship housing the remainder of humankind. Along the way he fell in love with EVE in what turned out to be the most convicing relationship of the year, amazing considering it involved two robots and hardly any dialogue.
Though it has absolutely nothing to do with performance, I'd be letting my readers down if I didn't stop to acknowledge the sexiest performance of the summer. It's a toss-up between Iron Man's Gwyneth Paltrow and Get Smart's Anne Hathaway. The former played Pepper Pots, Tony Stark's bombshell of an assistant. The latter starred as Agent 99, who oozed sex appeal as she helped keep the bumbling Maxwell Smart alive. Also worth mentioning is Mamma Mia's Amanda Seyfried, the ridiculously cute 22 year old (she's legal, relax) who somehow kept my eyes fixated in the midst of the dumbest movie musical since . . . well, ever!
For the first time in several years, the most popular films of the summer (The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Indy IV, WALL-E) were actually the best, proving that filmgoers do occassionally discriminate between quality and hype. The lone exception was . . .
Robery Downey Jr.: By any reasonable measure, the former drug addict was the star of the summer. Afer years of quirky performances in critical darlings, Downey Jr. broke through with Iron Man, which shattered industry expectations in becoming the year's 2nd biggest hit. Delivering sharp dialogue with cocky zeal, he infused Tony Stark with more personality than any other movie superhero on record. The character's surprise cameo at the end of The Incredible Hulk actually received more excitement than anything else in the latter movie. For an encore, he starred as Australian method actor Kirk Lazarus playing a black character named Sgt. Osiris in the self-referential misfire Tropic Thunder. Though the film spent way too much time winking at itself and tossing limbs around like confetti, Downey Jr. rose above it, providing almost all of the laughs with rapid-fire delivery and assorted accents.
James Franco: After years of whining at Peter Parker for killing his insane father, I'd nearly given up on the talented, though inconsistent Franco. But he restored my confidence with Pineapple Express, a stoner comedy in which he goes on the run with buddy Seth Rogan after the latter witnesses a murder. Franco played Saul Silver, a clueless drug dealer who hazily enjoyed BK chicken fries and reruns of The Jeffersons. Franco found the perfect tone for Saul, balancing sincerety with foolishness in a performance that deserves mention alongside celebrated cinematic potheads like Jeff Spicoli, David Wooderson, and Jeffrey Lebowski.
Heath Ledger: Alternately hysterical and horrifying, Ledger captivated audiences with one of the best villanious performances of the decade. It's not easy playing the most famous villain in comic-books, especially since Jack Nicholson made the character his own almost 20 years ago. But from the opening scene, Ledger left no doubt as to which Joker I will remember. He dominated The Dark Knight without hogging the spotlight, and forced the other A-listers (Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, etc.) to raise their game. The Dark Knight quickly become the biggest blockbuster since Titanic and one suspects fascination following Ledger's death last January was a major contributer. Ironically, his death will likely help earn him a best supporting actor nomination at years end, though he deserves one on the basis of his performance.
Others who merit mention for a job well done . . .
Gary Oldman: The Dark Knight's other great performance belonged to Oldman as Lt. Jim Gordon, the only honest cop in Gotham City. Oldman played the part as seriously as he would Shakespeare to assure us that we were watching something truly important. His performace was most crucial in grounding what became a morality tale filled with life and death choices in the midst of near anarchy.
Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly: Comedy is not easy. If you put two lesser comedic talents in their place, Step Brothers could've sunk under the shear stupidity of the concept. But the summer's best screen duo drew laughs even when they weren't there, playing the most immature grownups since Harry and Lloyd. The best scene; when they unknowingly sleepwalked through their parent's kitchen.
The Creators of WALL-E: Pixar scored again with one of the best films of the year, animated or otherwise. WALL-E dazzled with clever ideas and impressive visuals as it followed the title character from his trash collecting duties on Earth to his adventures onboard the spaceship housing the remainder of humankind. Along the way he fell in love with EVE in what turned out to be the most convicing relationship of the year, amazing considering it involved two robots and hardly any dialogue.
Though it has absolutely nothing to do with performance, I'd be letting my readers down if I didn't stop to acknowledge the sexiest performance of the summer. It's a toss-up between Iron Man's Gwyneth Paltrow and Get Smart's Anne Hathaway. The former played Pepper Pots, Tony Stark's bombshell of an assistant. The latter starred as Agent 99, who oozed sex appeal as she helped keep the bumbling Maxwell Smart alive. Also worth mentioning is Mamma Mia's Amanda Seyfried, the ridiculously cute 22 year old (she's legal, relax) who somehow kept my eyes fixated in the midst of the dumbest movie musical since . . . well, ever!
For the first time in several years, the most popular films of the summer (The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Indy IV, WALL-E) were actually the best, proving that filmgoers do occassionally discriminate between quality and hype. The lone exception was . . .
Summer Movie Wrap-Up - Pt.II, THE BAD
Hancock: A fun, though inconsistent mess of a movie that had more ideas than it knew what to do with. The always appealing Will Smith kept things afloat, even as the story meandered in search of an identity. Was it a comedy? A morality tale? A superhero origin story? Could Charlize Theron's character possibly have been more underdeveloped? A couple of rewrites and longer running time could've made Hancock a great entertainment, rather than an adequate one. Still, adequate would've been a large improvement for the following releases;
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: Had The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe not been so enjoyable, I wouldn't be quite so disappointed in this lame follow-up. Any sense of awe and wonder from the original quickly vanished in a story that offered no originality. It was poorly paced, inexpertly acted (to be polite), and lacked a memorable villain. The source material for Prince Caspian simply wasn't very interesting, though it proved an intellectual masterpiece compared with . . .
Mamma Mia: Look, I'm aware I was hardly the target audience. But the filmmakers still owe some level of competency to filmgoers don't they? The summer's worst film was an embarassment, from a non-existent plot to Pierce Brosnan's singing to Christine Baranski's successful attempt to prove she's the most annoying actress currently working. Steep and Seyfried were appealing, but the absence of anything resembling style or wit was pathetic. We didn't even find out who the father is! It's as if the director was thinking "Hmm, there's really nothing to this story. Maybe I should insert 78 songs to fill the running time." I'm still waiting for a refund on my admission tickets and popcorn.
Theatrical adaptations have proven a mixed bag over the years, as have film adaptations from television. This summer gave us three uninspired attempts. It's not that any of them were outright awful. They just weren't especially memorable, which has typically been the case with a few notable exceptions (The Fugitive, The Untouchables, The Simpsons Movie come to mind). The biggest drop-off in quality this summer belonged to . . .
Sex and the City: I wouldn't describe myself as a closet fan by any means, though I can readily admit that the t.v. series was well-written and often funny. But the movie just didn't have a story worth telling. The dialogue lacked the punch of the show, as the men were written as 1-dimensional beings, while the four primary actresses came off as self-absorbed and somewhat pathetic. I must admit though, seeing the film in a packed theater was quite the experience. I counted 7 men in attendance, at least 5 of whom were gay, leaving me and one other guy on a date feeling thankful that most women aren't like Carrie and company. (They aren't right?) Then again like Mamma Mia, I know this movie wasn't aimed at me. A couple that were included . . .
The Incredible Hulk: I admit it was better than Ang Lee's Hulk, which turned off almost everyone when it was released in June 2003. Ironically though, despite higher ticket prices, the newest version failed to match the box-office totals of it's predecessor, making one wonder just how commercially viable the character is. In an important casting change, Edward Norton was far more interesting than the relatively bland Eric Bana had been as Bruce Banner. But Liv Tyler and William Hurt (can you say paycheck role?) brought nothing new and made me wish Jennifer Connelly and Sam Elliot had reprised their roles. The most valuable attribute this time around was the visual effects, probably the coolest of the summer, though upon reflection they stood out most because of the lack of a plot to hold everything together.
Get Smart: Another movie that was too fun to be called bad, but far too jumbled to rate as good. The leads (Carell and Hathaway) were very likeable, though they surely didn't make older audiences forget Don Adams. And for younger audiences, the movie came across as Austin Powers-lite. The biggest problem with Get Smart was it's indecision as to whether it was an action movie or a comedy. There were large elements of both, but neither was strong enough to truly satisfy, leaving this viewer underwhelmed once the credits rolled. But Get Smart did lead me to a theory that has stuck well since . . .
COMEDY AND VIOLENCE DO NOT MIX! As proof, look no further than these two late summer entries;
Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder: The former was a wonderfully funny buddy picture until the final third when humor was abandoned in favor of gunfire and explosions, which left me wondering what the hell happened to the pithy bantar that had ruled the film's opening? Excessive violence is rarely funny in comedies and often seems to indicate that the writer has run out of ideas. Tropic Thunder pushed the envelope further by providing nearly two hours of bloody brutality following an opening that featured hysterical fake ads and trailers. The movie's funniest scene was also it's most offensive, a promo for Simple Jack, with Ben Stiller galavanting about as a helpless retarded yokel. Unfortunately, little else in the film made me laugh, as each subsequent scene drew closer and closer to a remake of Apocalypse Now. Also unfunny was Tom Cruise, bloated and bald as a profanity shouting studiohead. It's one thing to have funny ideas, but it's another to execute them effectively. Tropic Thunder ended up being a bore.
Summer 2008 has ended, though with studios pushing up release dates for next summer's tentpoles to late April, I only have to wait thirty weeks for the new onslaught of wannabe blockbusters. If we're all very lucky, maybe one or two will approach the intelligence and excitement level of The Dark Knight, which proved that great movies can still be seen during the summer.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: Had The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe not been so enjoyable, I wouldn't be quite so disappointed in this lame follow-up. Any sense of awe and wonder from the original quickly vanished in a story that offered no originality. It was poorly paced, inexpertly acted (to be polite), and lacked a memorable villain. The source material for Prince Caspian simply wasn't very interesting, though it proved an intellectual masterpiece compared with . . .
Mamma Mia: Look, I'm aware I was hardly the target audience. But the filmmakers still owe some level of competency to filmgoers don't they? The summer's worst film was an embarassment, from a non-existent plot to Pierce Brosnan's singing to Christine Baranski's successful attempt to prove she's the most annoying actress currently working. Steep and Seyfried were appealing, but the absence of anything resembling style or wit was pathetic. We didn't even find out who the father is! It's as if the director was thinking "Hmm, there's really nothing to this story. Maybe I should insert 78 songs to fill the running time." I'm still waiting for a refund on my admission tickets and popcorn.
Theatrical adaptations have proven a mixed bag over the years, as have film adaptations from television. This summer gave us three uninspired attempts. It's not that any of them were outright awful. They just weren't especially memorable, which has typically been the case with a few notable exceptions (The Fugitive, The Untouchables, The Simpsons Movie come to mind). The biggest drop-off in quality this summer belonged to . . .
Sex and the City: I wouldn't describe myself as a closet fan by any means, though I can readily admit that the t.v. series was well-written and often funny. But the movie just didn't have a story worth telling. The dialogue lacked the punch of the show, as the men were written as 1-dimensional beings, while the four primary actresses came off as self-absorbed and somewhat pathetic. I must admit though, seeing the film in a packed theater was quite the experience. I counted 7 men in attendance, at least 5 of whom were gay, leaving me and one other guy on a date feeling thankful that most women aren't like Carrie and company. (They aren't right?) Then again like Mamma Mia, I know this movie wasn't aimed at me. A couple that were included . . .
The Incredible Hulk: I admit it was better than Ang Lee's Hulk, which turned off almost everyone when it was released in June 2003. Ironically though, despite higher ticket prices, the newest version failed to match the box-office totals of it's predecessor, making one wonder just how commercially viable the character is. In an important casting change, Edward Norton was far more interesting than the relatively bland Eric Bana had been as Bruce Banner. But Liv Tyler and William Hurt (can you say paycheck role?) brought nothing new and made me wish Jennifer Connelly and Sam Elliot had reprised their roles. The most valuable attribute this time around was the visual effects, probably the coolest of the summer, though upon reflection they stood out most because of the lack of a plot to hold everything together.
Get Smart: Another movie that was too fun to be called bad, but far too jumbled to rate as good. The leads (Carell and Hathaway) were very likeable, though they surely didn't make older audiences forget Don Adams. And for younger audiences, the movie came across as Austin Powers-lite. The biggest problem with Get Smart was it's indecision as to whether it was an action movie or a comedy. There were large elements of both, but neither was strong enough to truly satisfy, leaving this viewer underwhelmed once the credits rolled. But Get Smart did lead me to a theory that has stuck well since . . .
COMEDY AND VIOLENCE DO NOT MIX! As proof, look no further than these two late summer entries;
Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder: The former was a wonderfully funny buddy picture until the final third when humor was abandoned in favor of gunfire and explosions, which left me wondering what the hell happened to the pithy bantar that had ruled the film's opening? Excessive violence is rarely funny in comedies and often seems to indicate that the writer has run out of ideas. Tropic Thunder pushed the envelope further by providing nearly two hours of bloody brutality following an opening that featured hysterical fake ads and trailers. The movie's funniest scene was also it's most offensive, a promo for Simple Jack, with Ben Stiller galavanting about as a helpless retarded yokel. Unfortunately, little else in the film made me laugh, as each subsequent scene drew closer and closer to a remake of Apocalypse Now. Also unfunny was Tom Cruise, bloated and bald as a profanity shouting studiohead. It's one thing to have funny ideas, but it's another to execute them effectively. Tropic Thunder ended up being a bore.
Summer 2008 has ended, though with studios pushing up release dates for next summer's tentpoles to late April, I only have to wait thirty weeks for the new onslaught of wannabe blockbusters. If we're all very lucky, maybe one or two will approach the intelligence and excitement level of The Dark Knight, which proved that great movies can still be seen during the summer.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Ohio: A World Apart
Remember when Brandon and Brenda moved from Minneapolis to Beverly Hills? (Forgive the analogy to a fictional event that happened almost 2 decades ago, but the series premiere of the “new” 90210 airs tonight, and I am positively giddy). They had no friends and relatively no clue about life in this sunny paradise. They figured they had to forget their Midwestern sensibilities, their small town roots, and their amiable methods of interaction. After all, they were moving to a big city filled with glitz, money, trendy clothes, and spoiled snobs. To their credit, they remained pretty grounded and eventually rubbed off on their new circle of friends, making each of them better people in the process. However, this was television, and the Walsh’s transition was more or less wrapped up in an hour. Reality is a little trickier, especially when the destinations are reversed. I feel like I’ve just moved back to Minneapolis.
Though I’ve only been in Stow, Ohio a couple of weeks, I’ve noticed several changes from living in Boston. The number of fast food restaurants is astounding! I’m pretty sure I’ve passed more Burger Kings than gas stations. Also, it seems rare to find a top flight, fancy restaurant, as opposed to say a Chili’s or Applebee’s. Not to seem condescending, as I’m sure to many a steak from Outback constitutes fine dining on a Saturday night, but I miss the offerings of the South End, the North End, and all the best steakhouses and sushi in between. Still, none of that accounts for friendly service. On a recent dinner visit to Texas Roadhouse (a surprisingly good chain), my girlfriend and I were told we’d have at least a thirty minute wait. Imagine our surprise then at being called to sit 3 minutes later. We weren’t even ready, since I was busy cracking peanut shells from the gigantic barrel they made available to patrons in the waiting area. Our waitress was among the nicest of all-time, sincerely recommending the best items on the menu and later apologizing for our food taking too long. We hadn’t even complained! Major points for customer service, I must admit.
Life in Boston was certainly faster paced, and in a sick way I miss several of the things I used to complain about, such as the police sirens that frequently raced by our living room after midnight. I enjoy noise at night, because it makes you feel that life is exciting. Something is going on, even if you’re not a direct participant. I miss the cabs that are always there to get you home when you’re inebriated. I don’t miss the traffic per se, though I do miss driving down Dartmouth St. with Cleary’s and Appleton Bakery to my left, blocks of endless Brownstones to my right, and Tremont St. straight ahead, not to mention Copley Square in my rearview. I miss walking to and from the bank and post-office. I miss having a stocked liquor store within a block of my apartment. I even miss Blade Barbershop, where Albert and a team of admittedly too friendly barbers would smile at me when I walked through the front door. Say what you will about the South End, Ogunquit Beach, and Provincetown, but they sure do make you feel welcome. At the same time though, I don’t miss street cleaning. I don’t miss the tickets or the meter maids. I don’t miss the tow zones or construction sites or resident parking stickers. And I don’t miss how people pretend they’re from out-of-town every day at 5pm when merging at an off-ramp from a lane that didn’t even exist, cell phones glued to their ears.
I miss the sports scene and unfortunately, that will not change. I miss the Boston Globe and Bob Ryan. I miss hearing endless radio banter focusing on the attitude of Bill Belichick, the strategy of Terry Francona, and the maturation of Rajon Rondo. I miss the smells of Fenway and the talk of titles. Fine, I’m an arrogant Mass-Hole when it comes to sports, but you know what . . . I’ve earned the right to be. Our success during the past 7 years has been mind-blowing, so it’s unlikely anything in Ohio will compare, though I’ve been told I must see a Buckeye’s football game live. But regarding the professional ranks, the intensity just doesn’t seem to be there. Strolling through a supermarket in Akron, I caught a brief glimpse of the Cleveland/Pittsburgh rivalry when a local approached a young man wearing a Steelers shirt. I believe his exact words were, “Be careful wearing that in here, heh heh heh,” followed by a playful smile and a pat on the back. He reminded me of the dope working on Alan Stanwyk’s plane in ‘Fletch,’ who liked to kid him when he asked, “Whatr you doin sum stuntflyin er something?” When I walked into a Verizon store sporting my Celtics championship tee-shirt, I wasn’t greeted with taunts or Yankee-like “you got lucky’s.” Rather, the two guys behind the counter were impressed that I actually attended game 7 in Boston and were jealous I got to see Lebron and Pierce in head-to-head action. They were fans, but their words lacked even a hint of resentment.
I love the prices. Gas is cheaper, food is cheaper, cable and internet are cheaper, and rent is much cheaper. Inexplicably though, home phone service is far more expensive, the one financial anomaly I have yet to figure out. The movies are cheaper and the local AMC theatre even offers $5 tickets all day on Mondays, including free popcorn. For those of you keeping score, that’s less than half of what a ticket at Loews on the Common charges. Of course, there are drawbacks to the low cost. There is no stadium seating or digital projection screen or IMAX experience where the surround sound threatens to crack one’s eardrums. One area where we’ve undoubtedly found more bang for our buck is car repair service. On the drive from Boston to Ohio, my girlfriend’s car died about 90 minutes from our final destination. When the tow guy arrived, he didn’t groan or complain about wearing long sleeves in the same scorching sun that had forced us to find shade. He smiled as he worked, jokingly asking me if I was ready to push the car for him. He asked my girlfriend what she was studying in graduate school and didn’t even pretend to know what Audiology was, innocently choosing to ask instead. In his place, I undoubtedly would’ve been nodding in false understanding, uttering bullshit responses like “sure,” and “of course.” Once we made it to the auto-shop, we explained our dilemma and after flexing a little big city attitude (it comes in handy for some things), the mechanic agreed to take a quick peak at her car. He instantly knew it needed a new battery, and scratched his head while wondering if she had the right kind of battery for her car in the first place (she’s had the car for 8 years). He suggested we wait in the cool office and help ourselves to some coffee while he searched for a replacement part. He was efficient and courteous, the battery was cheap, and the whole detour took no more than an hour, a relief since we thought our arrival would be postponed until at least the following day.
The tow guy and mechanic had been like a breath of fresh air, which accurately describes most of the strangers I’ve encountered here. I’m not quite used to random people saying hello to me yet (I keep expecting them to ask me a favor), but in a way it’s nicer than passing me by with total indifference. The waitresses and hostesses, the convenient store clerks and mailmen, the bank tellers and librarians, all seem cut from the same cloth. Even those guys from Verizon had been jovial and patient in the midst of a storewide computer malfunction (I’d never before dealt with friendly customer service at a cell phone store). During a similar computer crash at the local DMV, an employee announced aloud the problem and encouraged us to come back at a later time. I was blown away by this. While it certainly seemed logical and the neighborly thing to do, I can’t imagine an employee from the DMV in Watertown, MA raising her voice over the crowd to alert us with this crucial information. Isn’t it more likely we’d all be left walking in circles, sighing, and eventually swearing as the 30 minute wait became an hour, than 2 hours, and so on?
All things considered, life in Ohio has been pretty solid. I miss my family and my friends, but it’s like not moving in 1978. In an age where email and cell phones are as integral a part of daily life as food and sleep, it’s easy to stay in touch. And given the nature of the majority of folks in this area, I predict our transition will continue to be a smooth one. I even called an elderly woman “Ma’am” the other day while holding a door open. I suppose these small-town Walsh’s are rubbing off on me.
Though I’ve only been in Stow, Ohio a couple of weeks, I’ve noticed several changes from living in Boston. The number of fast food restaurants is astounding! I’m pretty sure I’ve passed more Burger Kings than gas stations. Also, it seems rare to find a top flight, fancy restaurant, as opposed to say a Chili’s or Applebee’s. Not to seem condescending, as I’m sure to many a steak from Outback constitutes fine dining on a Saturday night, but I miss the offerings of the South End, the North End, and all the best steakhouses and sushi in between. Still, none of that accounts for friendly service. On a recent dinner visit to Texas Roadhouse (a surprisingly good chain), my girlfriend and I were told we’d have at least a thirty minute wait. Imagine our surprise then at being called to sit 3 minutes later. We weren’t even ready, since I was busy cracking peanut shells from the gigantic barrel they made available to patrons in the waiting area. Our waitress was among the nicest of all-time, sincerely recommending the best items on the menu and later apologizing for our food taking too long. We hadn’t even complained! Major points for customer service, I must admit.
Life in Boston was certainly faster paced, and in a sick way I miss several of the things I used to complain about, such as the police sirens that frequently raced by our living room after midnight. I enjoy noise at night, because it makes you feel that life is exciting. Something is going on, even if you’re not a direct participant. I miss the cabs that are always there to get you home when you’re inebriated. I don’t miss the traffic per se, though I do miss driving down Dartmouth St. with Cleary’s and Appleton Bakery to my left, blocks of endless Brownstones to my right, and Tremont St. straight ahead, not to mention Copley Square in my rearview. I miss walking to and from the bank and post-office. I miss having a stocked liquor store within a block of my apartment. I even miss Blade Barbershop, where Albert and a team of admittedly too friendly barbers would smile at me when I walked through the front door. Say what you will about the South End, Ogunquit Beach, and Provincetown, but they sure do make you feel welcome. At the same time though, I don’t miss street cleaning. I don’t miss the tickets or the meter maids. I don’t miss the tow zones or construction sites or resident parking stickers. And I don’t miss how people pretend they’re from out-of-town every day at 5pm when merging at an off-ramp from a lane that didn’t even exist, cell phones glued to their ears.
I miss the sports scene and unfortunately, that will not change. I miss the Boston Globe and Bob Ryan. I miss hearing endless radio banter focusing on the attitude of Bill Belichick, the strategy of Terry Francona, and the maturation of Rajon Rondo. I miss the smells of Fenway and the talk of titles. Fine, I’m an arrogant Mass-Hole when it comes to sports, but you know what . . . I’ve earned the right to be. Our success during the past 7 years has been mind-blowing, so it’s unlikely anything in Ohio will compare, though I’ve been told I must see a Buckeye’s football game live. But regarding the professional ranks, the intensity just doesn’t seem to be there. Strolling through a supermarket in Akron, I caught a brief glimpse of the Cleveland/Pittsburgh rivalry when a local approached a young man wearing a Steelers shirt. I believe his exact words were, “Be careful wearing that in here, heh heh heh,” followed by a playful smile and a pat on the back. He reminded me of the dope working on Alan Stanwyk’s plane in ‘Fletch,’ who liked to kid him when he asked, “Whatr you doin sum stuntflyin er something?” When I walked into a Verizon store sporting my Celtics championship tee-shirt, I wasn’t greeted with taunts or Yankee-like “you got lucky’s.” Rather, the two guys behind the counter were impressed that I actually attended game 7 in Boston and were jealous I got to see Lebron and Pierce in head-to-head action. They were fans, but their words lacked even a hint of resentment.
I love the prices. Gas is cheaper, food is cheaper, cable and internet are cheaper, and rent is much cheaper. Inexplicably though, home phone service is far more expensive, the one financial anomaly I have yet to figure out. The movies are cheaper and the local AMC theatre even offers $5 tickets all day on Mondays, including free popcorn. For those of you keeping score, that’s less than half of what a ticket at Loews on the Common charges. Of course, there are drawbacks to the low cost. There is no stadium seating or digital projection screen or IMAX experience where the surround sound threatens to crack one’s eardrums. One area where we’ve undoubtedly found more bang for our buck is car repair service. On the drive from Boston to Ohio, my girlfriend’s car died about 90 minutes from our final destination. When the tow guy arrived, he didn’t groan or complain about wearing long sleeves in the same scorching sun that had forced us to find shade. He smiled as he worked, jokingly asking me if I was ready to push the car for him. He asked my girlfriend what she was studying in graduate school and didn’t even pretend to know what Audiology was, innocently choosing to ask instead. In his place, I undoubtedly would’ve been nodding in false understanding, uttering bullshit responses like “sure,” and “of course.” Once we made it to the auto-shop, we explained our dilemma and after flexing a little big city attitude (it comes in handy for some things), the mechanic agreed to take a quick peak at her car. He instantly knew it needed a new battery, and scratched his head while wondering if she had the right kind of battery for her car in the first place (she’s had the car for 8 years). He suggested we wait in the cool office and help ourselves to some coffee while he searched for a replacement part. He was efficient and courteous, the battery was cheap, and the whole detour took no more than an hour, a relief since we thought our arrival would be postponed until at least the following day.
The tow guy and mechanic had been like a breath of fresh air, which accurately describes most of the strangers I’ve encountered here. I’m not quite used to random people saying hello to me yet (I keep expecting them to ask me a favor), but in a way it’s nicer than passing me by with total indifference. The waitresses and hostesses, the convenient store clerks and mailmen, the bank tellers and librarians, all seem cut from the same cloth. Even those guys from Verizon had been jovial and patient in the midst of a storewide computer malfunction (I’d never before dealt with friendly customer service at a cell phone store). During a similar computer crash at the local DMV, an employee announced aloud the problem and encouraged us to come back at a later time. I was blown away by this. While it certainly seemed logical and the neighborly thing to do, I can’t imagine an employee from the DMV in Watertown, MA raising her voice over the crowd to alert us with this crucial information. Isn’t it more likely we’d all be left walking in circles, sighing, and eventually swearing as the 30 minute wait became an hour, than 2 hours, and so on?
All things considered, life in Ohio has been pretty solid. I miss my family and my friends, but it’s like not moving in 1978. In an age where email and cell phones are as integral a part of daily life as food and sleep, it’s easy to stay in touch. And given the nature of the majority of folks in this area, I predict our transition will continue to be a smooth one. I even called an elderly woman “Ma’am” the other day while holding a door open. I suppose these small-town Walsh’s are rubbing off on me.
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