Thursday, August 16, 2012

Nothing Expendable about Stallone's Newest Franchise


About a third of way into The Expendables (2010), Jason Statham took revenge upon a half-dozen punks on a suburban basketball court because one of them beat up the woman he sleeps with three times a year.  I pictured an enthusiastic Sylvester Stallone behind the camera during that scene . . .

Stallone: "Now Jason, stab the basketball as hard as you can. Deflate it!"
Statham: "Why???  What good will that do?"
Stallone: "Trust me, it's so cool . . . . .  Now tell that punk next time you will deflate his balls!"
Statham: "Mate, this is preposterous.  That's such a nonsense threat."
Stallone: "Just do it!"
Statham muttering under his breath: "He's lost his fucking mind," before reluctantly granting the director's wishes.
Stallone: "And CUT! PERFECT!!!"  
Sly high fived himself, flexed his biceps for the dumbfounded crew, and broke into a unique grin that has always made him look slightly retarded.  He grabbed the camera and sprinted to his next location.

The Expendables was a ridiculous throwback to 80s excess and I mean that as a compliment.  Stallone, at one point the biggest movie star in the world, crafted an over the top homage to an era when his name above the title virtually guaranteed $100 million at the box office. Those days long gone, Sly mostly remembered what worked in the past, including giant explosions, corny one-liners, and running times under two hours. As director, co-writer, and star, the former Rambo bared all responsibility for the success or failure of his action comeback.

I'm not sure if The Expendables worked in spite of its shortcomings or because of them.  Boasting one of the dumber scripts of the past decade, not a single character was developed beyond a basic stereotype.  The main objective of the film's heavy (a never sillier Eric Roberts) was never really spelled out, but had something to do with drug fields and a power struggle in South America.  Fighting alongside Roberts was the noted thespian Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Their chief opponent was Angel Batista from Dexter, a sketchy general with a mammoth army of anonymous henchmen as Nigel Powers would say.  He lived in an isolated fortress not unlike Bowser's in Super Mario Brothers, encouraged his troops to paint their faces like football fans, and graciously approved the torture of his daughter Sandra, who's brief encounter with Stallone's Barney Ross (never would've pegged Sly as a Barney) set the plot in motion.  I use the term plot loosely.

Ross was flanked by Jason Statham's Lee Christmas, who I kept confusing with Jim Carrey's Dumb and Dumber character.  On the orders of the mysterious Mr. Church (Bruce Willis), Ross' team of mercenaries was called into action.  However, Ross' primary objective seemed to be rescuing Sandra, whom he respected enough after a single meeting to willingly risk the lives of his entire unit, which included Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews.  Now maybe I'm not giving Ross' logic it's due. After all, Sandra also painted cute pictures and gave him one to keep.  I'm still not quite certain whether Stallone's character wanted to bang the 20-something-year-old or adopt her as his daughter, but that indefinable quality was part of the charm in this glorified mess of a movie.

Some other highlights from the original:

- Ross claimed never to sleep and received constant visits from Mickey Rourke's Tool, a tattoo artist
who delivered a priceless crying scene deserving of a Razzie Award.

 - On a tour in New Orleans I saw exteriors of Sly's bar from the film, although it didn't look nearly big enough to house the knife throwing contests he frequently hosted.

-  In a cast loaded with professional wrestlers, Lundgren was by far the worst actor.  He was left behind, switched sides, and even treated howling viewers to a fake out death scene.  Not to mention the onslaught of short jokes he hurled at Jet Li's character.

-  Former Planet Hollywood titans Stallone, Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger shared their first movie scene together.  Arnold rubbed his knowledge of foreign countries in Sly's face, while Sly cracked how his rival wanted to be president.  Then Bruce told them to stop measuring their dicks.  Ok, so this wasn't exactly the long-awaited Pacino/De Niro coffee shop scene from Heat.  But for those priceless few seconds, theater audiences erupted.
    
So what can we expect for this weeks aptly titled The Expendables 2?  Testosterone levels have been increased with the additions of heroic has beens Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme.  Returnees Schwarzenegger and Willis will see increased screen time.  Stallone has relegated directing duties to action veteran Simon West (Con Air, The Mechanic).  As with any sequel to an 80s inspired slugfest, expect more mayhem and a higher body count.  Fortunately, less logic wouldn't appear to be an option this time around.

And yes, I'll be in line tomorrow night.



Monday, August 6, 2012

Halfway to 2013

I'm slacking.  Through the midway point of 2012 I've only seen 16 movies, by far my lowest total in years.  The funny thing is I don't feel like I've missed anything, with the possible exception of Moonrise Kingdom.  More than ever I am only seeing movies that genuinely interest me and ignoring the rest, save for the first quarter of the year, a dead zone for movie releases.  It's pretty cruel that Hollywood releases their least inspiring offerings between January 1st and March 31st, a time when half the country is freezing with little motivation for leaving home on the weekends.  After a few weeks of winter withdrawal, I trekked out for Contraband and The Lorax among others, decent entertainments I probably wouldn't have considered among stiffer competition.  Amazingly, except for a pack of vicious Alaskan wolves and a foulmouthed, pot smoking teddy bear,  nearly every memorable 2012 release has been based on previous material.  The strongest writers seem to have fully migrated to television and who can blame them?  As a result, the best film to arrive in theaters thus far was a 15-year-old blockbuster.

Titanic 3D ****
Some movies are better sampled than sat through.  When flipping channels it's easy to get lost for 20 minutes during AMC's umpteenth repeat of A Few Good Men or The Shawshank Redemption.  Titanic is not one of those movies. The impact of James Cameron's three-hour juggernaut can only be fully experienced uninterrupted, on a big screen in a darkened theater.  It's the single girliest movie I will confess is a masterpiece without reservation.  The word overrated too often becomes attached to any movie that wins best picture or rakes in hundreds of millions at the box office.  But Titanic feels timeless and would remain so even without the accolades it initially received in 1997.  Some of the corny dialogue (the film's only blemish) was appropriate for the era and led to my telling T, "I know you've been melancholy lately," at least a dozen times in recent months.  The cast was perfect, led by a pair of young actors in Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet who would go on to become arguably the best of their generation.  James Horner's score is so evocative that I wonder if a silent version of the film could've been effective.  And the 75 minute sinking that closes the film remains the most impressively executed stretch of organized chaos that Cameron has ever delivered.  For the man who also directed Aliens, Terminator 2, and Avatar, that's saying something.
Note: While Cameron and co. took substantial time and effort in recreating the film in 3D, that aspect did little to aid the overall impact.  I remain skeptical about the 3D format, especially when studios add a post production conversion to enhance their bottom line.  

The Avengers  ***1/2
If nothing else, Marvel's megahit was the fastest moving two and a half hour movie in recent memory.  Though it took several introductory chapters of varying quality to unite the characters who made up our title superheroes, The Avengers proved worth the wait.  In fact, I doubt very much whether future solo outings will prove satisfying now that we've seen Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, et al. functioning as a team.  Newcomer Mark Ruffalo benefited most from the shared screen time, revealing the Hulk's tortured existence more fully than previous actors Eric Bana and Edward Norton did carrying their own films.  A sharp, funny script yielded several scenes that gained instant audience approval, including Hulk tossing villainous Loki around like a rag doll following a pompous rant by the latter.  The film's setup-heavy first half was a little talky, but briskly paced with ego contests among the new comrades.  If there's a minor complaint, it's that the two lesser members of the unit (Scarlett Johanssons Black Widow, Jeremy Renners Hawkeye) seem arbitrary, like tagalong afterthoughts in the most popular high school clique.  But no matter.  This was the most involving comic book movie since The Dark Knight and was in many ways it's antithesis.  If Christopher Nolan's film mastered mood and despair while introducing the genre's most menacing villain, The Avengers took a less dire approach, filling a comparable running time with quips and energy in spades, all the while building momentum to a thrilling end battle that barely left New York standing.

The Hunger Games ***1/2
Much to my surprise, the film adaptation of Suzanne Collins' phenomenon The Hunger Games proved more exciting than almost any summer offering thus far.  It helped that the source material seemed tailor made for the big screen, as 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen became one of 24 randomly selected teenagers from 12 districts forced into a televised battle to the death until only one remained.  It's a great premise that seemed to please fans of the books as well as moviegoers new to the nation of Panem.    Casting young Jennifer Lawrence as the film's heroine was a home run, though she was aided by an enthusiastic supporting cast, particularly Stanley Tucci, Elizabeth Banks, and Woody Harrelson as Haymitch.  I'm starting to think the former Cheers bartender should have a role in every movie.  Though saddled with a PG-13 rating to maximize the potential audience, The Hunger Games wisely didn't shy away from violence, which helped emphasize what was continually at stake.  And in a nice change of pace for Hollywood, the year's two most popular films (along with The Avengers) have also been among the best.  At least for the time being, moviegoers seem to be wising up to which spectacles are worth their hard-earned money.  After a thrilling and inventive opening chapter, I'll happily volunteer for this sequel.

The Grey ***1/2
The grittiest cinematic outing from the first six months, director Joe Carnahan's tale of redemption followed a small group of plane crash survivors into the harsh Alaskan wilderness.  Low on food and supplies, hope slowly dwindled amidst brutal snowstorms, freezing temperatures, and bloodthirsty wolves who's territory has been breached.  Considering the premise, I was shocked at how involved I became in the fates of several characters and their struggle to stay alive.  Though inevitably picked off one by one in some truly frightening sequences, I wasn't prepared for a thoughtful script that provided moments of clarity and introspection.  How long would you fight in a virtually unwinnable situation?   Best of all was Liam Neeson, whose ability to stay grounded in the thick of chaotic surroundings made him the ideal actor to carry this material.  His conviction sells the audience whether he's playing Oskar Schindler or running around Europe with "a particular set of skills," killing every scumbag in sight.  There's something to be said for that.

Ted ***
The best of an uninspired lot of comedies, Seth Macfarlane's Ted nonetheless provided numerous belly laughs and at least some imagination.  The film opened in mid 80s suburban Boston as an unpopular boy named John, excluded even from beating up other kids, receives a new teddy bear for Christmas.  The next morning it has magically sprung to life and becomes the best friend he never had, a development that fails to curry favor with John's adult girlfriend 27 years later.  Though both Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis were somewhat appealing, the real star was the title character, who became the most credible CGI creation since Caesar in last summers Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  As voiced by Macfarlane himself, he got all the best lines, including an unexpectedly hilarious response upon hearing he's having turkey burgers for dinner.  I actually wasn't planning on seeing this movie until I discovered several positive reviews from reputable critics.  Humor is completely subjective of course, but I challenge anyone not to laugh when Ted explores new uses for hand lotion at the supermarket.  It's all pretty juvenile and chalk full of pop culture references as one might expect from the creator of Family Guy.  Still, individual scenes represent the pinnacle of American comedy in 2012.  Make of that what you will.
Note: I knocked Ted down half a star for a dumb subplot involving Giovanni Ribisi as a freaky kidnapper that served only to pad the running time by 30 minutes.  Too bad.

That pretty much brings us up to speed.  Both American Reunion and 21 Jump Street had their moments, while the appropriately titled Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is destined to become the guilty pleasure of 2012.  Prometheus and The Amazing Spiderman fell below my expectations despite strong efforts from Michael Fassbender & Noomi Rapace in the former, Andrew Garfield & Emma Stone in the latter.  Michael Stuhlbarg (A Serious Man, HBOs Boardwalk Empire) brought extraordinary wit and charm to his small role in the affable, though inconsequential Men in Black 3.

Then there was Tom Cruise as larger than life superstar Stacee Jaxx in the otherwise forgettable Rock of Ages.  Had the film been held until November and not underperformed badly at the box office, I suspect Cruise might've been in line for his fourth Oscar nomination.  The film came alive every time he authoritatively commanded the screen, so it's a shame his character wasn't the primary focus.  Cruise acted circles around his costars and continues to prove that his talent matches his fame.

Next week brings Nolan's trilogy capper The Dark Knight Rises, while most of the years other highly anticipated films, including Jackson's The Hobbit, Spielberg's Lincoln, and Tarantino's Django Unchained won't be out until winter.

See you in December.