It’s almost the start of another summer movie season, which seems to commence earlier with each passing year. The box-office explosion kicks off this Friday, May 1st with the opening of Wolverine, and won’t let up until August. Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Charles Barkley have helped fuel the collective appetite of sports fans with a hilarious TNT commercial in which they debate what the latter would do if blessed with Wolverine's claws (Kenny correctly surmises he'd rip open packages of twinkies in bulk). Unfortunately the 2009 release schedule seems particularly uninspired, from lame brain comedies to sequels nobody seemed to be asking for. I can’t remember another summer when I knew ahead of time I’d be skipping so many tent poles, the “can’t-miss” offerings each studio wants you to believe will destroy the competition.
This year’s big Memorial Day films include Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian and Terminator Salvation. The former is a follow-up to one of the worst films of the decade, a supposed family comedy with no laughs, cartoony special effects, and a bored Ben Stiller making faces at blue screens. No thank you. The latter is the 2nd misdirected attempt to reboot a franchise that should’ve ended credibly in 1991 when James Cameron was still directing. T3 remains one of the most disappointing theatergoing experiences of my life and it’s going to take more than Christian Bale to sucker me in again. Another major release is Angels and Demons, a sequel to the lifeless, incoherent 2006 adaptation of The Da Vinci Code, arguably the worst film on the resumes of both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. May also launches J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, this summer’s only true wildcard. Die-hard fans are salivating, but this film will need excellent reviews and word-of-mouth to lure those with no interest in the often ridiculed franchise. Count me among the skeptical.
Later months will bring comedies starring Will Ferrell (Land of the Lost), Eddie Murphy (Imagine That), Jack Black & Michael Cera (Year One), The Wayans Brothers (Dance Flick), Adam Sandler & Seth Rogan (Funny People), Will Arnett & Jon Heder (When In Rome), David Hasselhoff (Beverly Hills Ninja 2- NOT JOKING), Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), and Robin Williams (World’s Greatest Dad), as well as estrogen driven counter programming featuring Cameron Diaz (My Sister’s Keeper), Katherine Heigl & Gerald Butler (The Ugly Truth), Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal), Rachel McAdams (The Time Traveler’s Wife), Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel (500 Days of Summer), Matthew McConaughey & Jennifer Garner (The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past), and Meryl Streep & Amy Adams (Julie and Julia). Other releases include the heist flick The Brothers Bloom and animated films G-Force and Ice Age 3: Dawn of Dinosaurs, both likely to do very well financially. Finally, what preview would be complete without a mention of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra? It appears silly beyond words, though the presence of Dennis Quaid in an action film is almost always good for a few unintentional laughs, just not enough to warrant a trip to the theater. Of all the aforementioned films, only two are semi-realistic possibilities: The Proposal, because T already decided we are going, and Land of the Lost, because I’m a total sucker for Ferrell in anything.
Not all is lost though. Here is a list of 10 films I WILL be seeing this summer and why it might be worth your while to join me . . .
10.) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Eh, what can I say? It’s the most critic-proof blockbuster of 2009. While I wasn’t crazy about the original (whose 1st half I enjoyed much more than the mind-numbing final hour), I’m willing to give this series another shot. If nothing else, it’s the one huge release that will play a lot differently in a theater as opposed to on the television screen in my living room. And there’s always the irresistibly sexy, er talented, Megan Fox.
9.) The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - Since hitting huge with Entourage, fast-talking Jeremy Piven has been pretty selective about taking film roles, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt in this comedy about a crew who assemble to save a small town car dealership from bankruptcy. It’s directed by the creator of Chappelle’s Show and produced by Ferrell and Adam McKay’s (Anchorman, Talladega Nights) production company.
8.) The Taking of Pelham 123 – Each summer there is generally at least one action film driven more by story, performances, and stunts (think Speed or The Bourne Ultimatum) than flashy CGI visual effects. In this remake, hijackers overtake an NYC subway train and hold its passengers ransom, threatening to kill one person each minute. While not completely original, it comes from the writer of L.A. Confidential, and stars Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini.
7.) Up – Simply put, Disney Pixar Studios (Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, etc) has yet to make a bad film. The trailers look great, promising humor and the most cutting-edge animation available. Up is the tale of a 78-year-old man and his companions who travel the world in his home, carried along by thousands of balloons overhead. A bonus for this one; it should look amazing in Digital 3D.
6.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I am not a comic book fan, nor have I ever read an issue of any superhero graphic novels. But since Marvel brought X-Men to the big screen in 2000, they’ve been one my favorite franchises. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is the most intriguing major comic book character outside the world of Batman, and if this delivers the same level of energy, f/x, and fast-paced action of its predecessors, I’ll be satisfied.
Note: Much has been made about the online leak of Wolverine weeks before its release. Honestly, who’d want to watch a fuzzy print of a movie like this on a trailer-size Laptop screen anyway?
Note 2:
5.) Inglourious Basterds – Quentin Tarantino’s newest film follows a group of Jewish-American soldiers on a revenge killing spree throughout Nazi-occupied France during World War II. Brad Pitt leads a cast that also includes Mike Myers. Like the Coen Brothers QT’s films are often hard to define as this one seems a cross between From Dusk Till Dawn, Munich, and The Dirty Dozen. The only reason I don’t rank it higher is because I can’t yet tell if there’s real substance to be found (Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown) or if it’s merely an excuse for the director to embellish in another highly stylized blood bath (Kill Bill, Death Proof). Time will tell.
4.) Whatever Works – It honestly doesn’t even matter what this one is about. Larry David stars in a Woody Allen movie! Has there ever been a better match between star and writer, from their self-loathing personalities to impeccable comedic timing? For what it’s worth David plays a brilliant, wealthy New Yorker who after a failed suicide attempt moves to Chinatown and meets a younger, far less cerebral southern girl. After six seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’d pay to see David criticizing strangers from a park bench. Pairing with the best comedy writer of the last forty years is icing on the cake.
3.) Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince – Unlike the vast majority, I am seeing the HP movies without previously reading the books (I’ve only read the 1st and ½ of the 2nd), so my anticipation is as much driven by curiosity over plot points as expected entertainment value. Though I don’t rewatch the previous Potter films often, they have unexpectedly become required viewing on the big screen, with each chapter a little darker, meaner, and more mature in its themes. In the end I probably wouldn’t call this a truly great franchise, but it is exceedingly dependable, good for several laughs, increasingly stellar special effects, and characters worth caring about. There is yet to be a bad Potter film and with only two to go, I highly doubt this will change.
2.) Bruno – The promos speak for themselves, like the one with a straight-faced, shirtless Bruno holding a black infant in his arms. Sacha Baron Cohen got away with murder in 2006 with his comedy smash Borat, and for a second movie to work he’ll need to push the envelope even further. Playing another of his clueless alter-egos from Da Ali G Show, Cohen’s flaming Austrian Bruno comes to America pretending to be a television reporter and wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting public. Thousands will undoubtedly be offended by Cohen’s brand of humor, which takes none-too-subtle jabs at serious issues in the process. But if the number of major laughs approaches that of Cohen’s last outing, we’re probably looking at the funniest film of 2009.
Note: As of now the film has been tagged with an NC-17 rating, which would be death at the box-office. However, the rating would ensure those who do see it will get the funniest possible version available.
1.) Public Enemies – Few films this summer have more talent in front and behind the camera. In the latest in a string of strong Hollywood crime dramas (The Departed, American Gangster), Johnny Depp stars as Depression-era bank robber and folk hero John Dillinger. Christian Bale costars as Melvin Purvis, the top FBI agent under J. Edgar Hoover, who makes Dillinger his top target. Director Michael Mann has one of the best track records in the business, with such titles as Heat, The Insider, and Collateral to his credit. And after months of corny 1-liners, huge explosions, and a collective indifference towards storytelling, this July release could represent a rare opportunity for adult audiences to think. Reviews and word of mouth will go a long way in determining whether this film will be remembered come next year’s Oscars. Still, if I had only $10 to spend at the movies this summer, I’d save it for Public Enemies.
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