Well, the Celtics beat the Spurs today. That's right, Tim Duncan came to Boston and left with a loss for the first time since those ping-pong balls bounced the wrong way more than a decade ago. And it feels pretty damn good. Hell, they did it without Kevin Garnett! In what has been a season of disbelief for this C's fan, the green continue to entertain and surprise in equal measure. While the thought of challenging the Bull's all-time single-season mark is a distant memory, Boston continues to cement it's status as a true contender with each win, particularly those over the Western Conference. Raise your glasses in a toast to K.G., Pierce, Allen, Rondo, Posey, Big Baby, and co., and a few thoughts as the players head to New Orleans for the all-star break.
Chris Paul is my run-away pick for M.V.P., no small claim given the seasons submitted by Garnett, Lebron James, Dwight Howard, and especially Kobe Bryant, who I'm starting to fear will go down as the greatest player never to win one. But Paul's impact has been greatest, leading New Orleans to an astonishing 34-15 record, sitting atop the stacked Southwest division. Though I hate the cliche, Paul really is one of the rare players who makes his teammates better (You think it's a coincidence that David West is headed to the all-star game?). Averaging 20.4 points, 10.9 assists, & 2.57 steals per game, Paul has challenged Steve Nash's title as the league's top point guard.
Speaking of all-stars, the coaches did a relatively decent job picking the reserves this year. The biggest gripes among western stars belong to Manu Ginobili, Baron Davis, Marcus Camby, Josh Howard, and Deron Williams. But looking at the roster, it's hard to pinpoint who to take off the squad. In the East, Ray Allen's exclusion is the most troubling, given the Celtic's record and the fact that his numbers are comparable to Richard Hamilton and Joe Johnson who were both selected. While I believe the all-star game is more about honoring invididual players than the teams they play for, the coaches have often thought otherwise. In 2004 they honored 4 Detroit Pistons, at least 2 of whom had no business being there. Allen's case is stronger this year for a team that might be better than that one, especially given his selflessness and willingness to sacrifice shot attempts. (As I write this I've just learned that Garnett is skipping the game due to injury and Rasheed Wallace, not Allen, has been named his replacement. Pardon me while I vomit on myself).
The biggest surprise in the league has easily been the Portland Trailblazers, whom many expected to suck in the wake of Greg Oden's knee surgery. But at 28-22, they are contending for a playoff spot behind their talented young nucleus lead by Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge. The most disappointing team in the league has to be the Miami Heat. While Chicago has underachieved, the Heat are the only team whose win total still resides in single digits, inexcusable for any franchise with one of the league's top 5 players. You have to feel for Dwayne Wade, who plays hurt while leading the team in most statisitcal categories. A squad of elderly JCC ballers would be an improvement over the supporting cast he's had to work with. But help may be on the way in the form of an ugly Voldemort look-a-like.
During the past couple of weeks, 2 monster trades stunned the NBA. First, the Lakers traded a bag of doritos and a pack of wrigley's winterfresh gum to Memphis in exchange for Pau Gasol. I don't fault Memphis too much though, since they have sucked with Pau. They can now clear tons of cap space and build around promising guards Mike Conley and Rudy Gay, with the hope of signing a big free agent next summer. But the Lakers are the big winners here. Gasol, while never an intimidator, is a versatile and talented big man who can score inside and out and no longer has to be the leader, a role he never seemed comfortable with. Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, and Gasol will combine to provide Kobe with the best front-court he's ever had. While I disagree with those who say L.A. is now the favorite to win the title, they will certainly contend with the Spurs, Suns, Jazz, and Mavericks come playoff time, and could possibly reach the finals with a few breaks here and there.
The second and more unexpected trade occurred last Wednesday, when disgruntled Phoenix forward Shawn Marion was sent to the Heat in exchange for Shaquille O'Neal. While not the preeminent force he once was, Shaq's name and iconic status loom larger than most others, matched in team sports by perhaps only Derek Jeter and Peyton Manning. Most who cover the NBA have jumped all over Steve Kerr for breaking up the Sun's main nucleus, accusing him of panicking over recent losses and the Gasol trade. Give the guy a little more credit than that. The slam-bang nucleus they are referring to failed to reach the finals even once. Marion was unhappy and wanted out. While they will miss his defense, rebounding, and ability to thrive on the fast break, they won't miss his pouting, contract, or hideous-looking jump shot. His absense will also free up more playing time for Boris Diaw, as well as Grant Hill, who plays the same position and is as valuable in crunch time. A change of scenery may be just what Marion needs and playing with Wade will only help. The 2 stars could very well lead Miami back toward respectability and perhaps even a playoff berth, assumming Pat Riley takes his head out of his ass (the grease in his hair should provide sufficient lubrication) and they make 1 or 2 additional trades before the league trading deadline.
What O'Neal will bring to the Suns is a presence in the middle that they've been lacking, assumming he's healthy. If I were Phoenix, I'd rest Shaq as much as needed for the remainder of the regular season, giving him roughly 20 minutes per game. The team can remain a top 4 seed without him, but a fresh Deisel come May could very well get the Suns to the finals. He can still score against teams that won't be able to double him with Amare Stoudemire flying to the rim on the weak side. Always a terrific passer, Shaq will find the Sun's 3-point shooters, at least one of whom should regularly be open. If Shaq can clog the middle on defense, alter a few shots, and help Amare control the glass, the Suns will be very tough. And don't think the Suns will give up the running game. Having O'Neal find Nash to kick-start the break will be a plus. Is Shaq overpaid at his age? Yes. But I think Kerr and company saw an opening, a chance to obtain 1 of the 4 or 5 legitmate game changing players of the past quarter-century. I don't blame them for rolling the dice.
Best of luck to Gerald Green this weekend as he aims for his second consecutive slam dunk championship, with high hopes of becoming his generation's Harold Miner.
Reel Opinions on Movies
Monday, February 11, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Super Bowl Reality Check
To quote Sidney Deane, "The sun even shines on a dog's ass some days. Anybody can win the lottery." I wish it were that simple. If it was, the widespread disappointment resulting from Sunday's upset wouldn't sting nearly as badly. But this wasn't merely a matter of luck. The Giants played a better football game than the Patriots, and that is why New England finished 18-1 instead of the undefeated 19-0 most fans across the country were expecting. Losing is not something Pats fans have been accustomed to in recent times, especially this season, which saw them set numerous offensive records en route to becoming the first team to run the table in the regular season since the famed '72 Dolphins.
Fans could be forgiven for expecting a Patriot's championship. So could the commentators, sportswriters, odds-makers, player relatives, and food vendors. But the coaches and players needed to be held to a higher standard, which isn't to say they played with a lack of urgency because of personal expectations. But they did seem lackluster in Arizona, especially compared to the Giants, who played as if they were the ones on the verge of history. This is not the reputation of the Patriot players or Bill Belichick, who is often credited for being the most prepared and disciplined coach in the league. Having faced New York in week 17 and beaten the Giants, who gave arguably their strongest performance to that point, many (myself included) didn't think the Super Bowl would be all that close. The Pats had been exposed to everything NY could throw at them already, and had those interminable 2 weeks of preparation that NFL schedule makers dictated. For the record, there is no less exciting time in sports than the week after the league championship series, when there is basically nothing to talk about that won't get repeated 894 times more before kick-off on Super Bowl Sunday.
The Giants offense did not play a great game. If we knew ahead of time that they would only score 17 points, everyone would've picked the Pats to win. But I tip my hat to the Giant's defense. They overpowered New England's offensive line time and time again, rushing Tom Brady into poor throws and knocking him on his ass. While not accustomed to this type of pressue, one wonders if Brady's physical condition was worse than the Pats let on. He looked angry and somewhat rattled for much of evening, missing receivers on more than 1 occassion.
Truthfully, Eli Manning didn't play a great game either, and could've been picked off repeatedly during the Giant's final drive. You often hear post-game questions such as, "Did the losing team lose the game, or did the winning team win it." Both were in evidence on Sunday, and Pats fans have been left pondering a series of what-ifs. What if Belichick settled for a field goal on 4th and 13? What if Assante Samuel picked Eli? What if Manning went down when the blitz had him seemingly covered in all directions? What if David Tyree hadn't made the miraculous catch of the season, pinning the ball against his helmet? Yes, all these things could've happened, and yes, the Pats defense could've ended the game at least 5 times on the final New York drive. But they didn't. They gave the game away, while the Giants took it away at the same time. Manning to Tyree instantly became one of the 5 greatest plays in Super Bowl history, though it all would've been for nothing if Manning didn't find Plaxico Burress in the end zone with 35 seconds left. If he hadn't, then we'd be talking about Brady leading another game winning drive in the Super Bowl. Al Pacino said it best in Any Given Sunday; "Life is just a game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half step too late or too early, you don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch." (I'm getting goose-bumps just typing that speech). Unfortunately, I can't help feeling that the Giants were a little bit hungrier and fought just a little bit harder for that inch on Sunday.
Which leaves us pondering the Patriot's place in history. Let's put one thing to rest immediately. Ignore the morons who now proclaim the 2007 Patriots were no better than the 43rd best team in N.F.L. history. You don't fall from an inarguable 1st place to 43rd because of 2 minutes of missed opportunities. You just don't. I suspect there are New England players, participants in all 4 recent Pats Superbowls, who if asked which team was the best would indeed pick this one. Not now of course, but maybe in 5 years, which is the time it seemingly takes to heal many fans. Remember, this Patriots team was truly dominant. This was the team that scored more points in a season than any other. This was the team that gained more offensive yards than any other. This was the team that saw it's star QB and wideout (Randy Moss) sets records at their positions. And this was the team that went 18-0 prior to the final seconds of the final game of the season.
The party where I watched the game evaporated just seconds after Brady's final heave on 4th down. I feared the host might jump off his 10th story balcony. The T-ride home was so quiet that a visitor could've been forgiven for assumming our public transportation system was still in it's testing stage, not yet ready for the general public to use. I suspect this was the prevailing mood throughout the area. Personally, I was disappointed, but it wasn't the worst I've felt following a sporting event, as many WEEI callers have claimed this to be. I have more or less recovered from the Giant's upset days after the fact, whereas I still feel in my bones what it was like when Aaron Boone hit that towering shot of Tim Wakefield in game 7 in 2003. I'm not as angry with Belichick for going for it on 4th and 13 as I was with Grady Little for sticking with Pedro Martinez in the 8th inning. That was almost 5 years ago.
But to each his own. While I admit the Pats are 3rd in my heart when it comes to local sport's teams (with the Celtics a run-away top-choice and the Red Sox a strong 2nd), I fully understand and sympathize with fans who can't let this one go. For what it's worth, the Patriots could very well be as great in 2008 as they were in 2007. A return to the SuperBowl is well within their reach. Hopefully, they'll lose once of twice before the big game though, just to remind us that anything is possible.
Fans could be forgiven for expecting a Patriot's championship. So could the commentators, sportswriters, odds-makers, player relatives, and food vendors. But the coaches and players needed to be held to a higher standard, which isn't to say they played with a lack of urgency because of personal expectations. But they did seem lackluster in Arizona, especially compared to the Giants, who played as if they were the ones on the verge of history. This is not the reputation of the Patriot players or Bill Belichick, who is often credited for being the most prepared and disciplined coach in the league. Having faced New York in week 17 and beaten the Giants, who gave arguably their strongest performance to that point, many (myself included) didn't think the Super Bowl would be all that close. The Pats had been exposed to everything NY could throw at them already, and had those interminable 2 weeks of preparation that NFL schedule makers dictated. For the record, there is no less exciting time in sports than the week after the league championship series, when there is basically nothing to talk about that won't get repeated 894 times more before kick-off on Super Bowl Sunday.
The Giants offense did not play a great game. If we knew ahead of time that they would only score 17 points, everyone would've picked the Pats to win. But I tip my hat to the Giant's defense. They overpowered New England's offensive line time and time again, rushing Tom Brady into poor throws and knocking him on his ass. While not accustomed to this type of pressue, one wonders if Brady's physical condition was worse than the Pats let on. He looked angry and somewhat rattled for much of evening, missing receivers on more than 1 occassion.
Truthfully, Eli Manning didn't play a great game either, and could've been picked off repeatedly during the Giant's final drive. You often hear post-game questions such as, "Did the losing team lose the game, or did the winning team win it." Both were in evidence on Sunday, and Pats fans have been left pondering a series of what-ifs. What if Belichick settled for a field goal on 4th and 13? What if Assante Samuel picked Eli? What if Manning went down when the blitz had him seemingly covered in all directions? What if David Tyree hadn't made the miraculous catch of the season, pinning the ball against his helmet? Yes, all these things could've happened, and yes, the Pats defense could've ended the game at least 5 times on the final New York drive. But they didn't. They gave the game away, while the Giants took it away at the same time. Manning to Tyree instantly became one of the 5 greatest plays in Super Bowl history, though it all would've been for nothing if Manning didn't find Plaxico Burress in the end zone with 35 seconds left. If he hadn't, then we'd be talking about Brady leading another game winning drive in the Super Bowl. Al Pacino said it best in Any Given Sunday; "Life is just a game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half step too late or too early, you don't quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch." (I'm getting goose-bumps just typing that speech). Unfortunately, I can't help feeling that the Giants were a little bit hungrier and fought just a little bit harder for that inch on Sunday.
Which leaves us pondering the Patriot's place in history. Let's put one thing to rest immediately. Ignore the morons who now proclaim the 2007 Patriots were no better than the 43rd best team in N.F.L. history. You don't fall from an inarguable 1st place to 43rd because of 2 minutes of missed opportunities. You just don't. I suspect there are New England players, participants in all 4 recent Pats Superbowls, who if asked which team was the best would indeed pick this one. Not now of course, but maybe in 5 years, which is the time it seemingly takes to heal many fans. Remember, this Patriots team was truly dominant. This was the team that scored more points in a season than any other. This was the team that gained more offensive yards than any other. This was the team that saw it's star QB and wideout (Randy Moss) sets records at their positions. And this was the team that went 18-0 prior to the final seconds of the final game of the season.
The party where I watched the game evaporated just seconds after Brady's final heave on 4th down. I feared the host might jump off his 10th story balcony. The T-ride home was so quiet that a visitor could've been forgiven for assumming our public transportation system was still in it's testing stage, not yet ready for the general public to use. I suspect this was the prevailing mood throughout the area. Personally, I was disappointed, but it wasn't the worst I've felt following a sporting event, as many WEEI callers have claimed this to be. I have more or less recovered from the Giant's upset days after the fact, whereas I still feel in my bones what it was like when Aaron Boone hit that towering shot of Tim Wakefield in game 7 in 2003. I'm not as angry with Belichick for going for it on 4th and 13 as I was with Grady Little for sticking with Pedro Martinez in the 8th inning. That was almost 5 years ago.
But to each his own. While I admit the Pats are 3rd in my heart when it comes to local sport's teams (with the Celtics a run-away top-choice and the Red Sox a strong 2nd), I fully understand and sympathize with fans who can't let this one go. For what it's worth, the Patriots could very well be as great in 2008 as they were in 2007. A return to the SuperBowl is well within their reach. Hopefully, they'll lose once of twice before the big game though, just to remind us that anything is possible.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Good-Bye's of 2007
People close to me know of my somewhat bizarre fascination with celebrity deaths. Every time I sit down to watch the Oscars, Emmy's, ESPY's, or other random award show, the memorial tribute montage is the part I most greatly anticipate. I think it has to do with a genuine interest in human nature. We often have difficulty letting go of the past, from events that changed or entertained us, and people we admired for their accomplishments. I'm always interested in who will draw the loudest applause amongst the deceased. Are they the people who lived the lives we wanted to, those who conducted themselves with the most class, or those who were simply the most popular among their fans? As I ponder these questions, I bid adieu to a few people and events that meant something to me in 2007.
Brad Delp (55): The lead singer of Boston, Delp's voice was instrumental in preserving my sanity on several lengthy flights and road trips over the years. "More Than a Feeling" remains one of my 10 favorite rock songs, and the band's self-titled debut album still receives regular airplay on WZLX and other local stations. And no band had a better name.
Frankie (?): The long-time host at Charley's Eating & Drinking Saloon in Chestnut Hill, MA, never seemed to age. Frankie was always friendly and respectful towards my family, taking care of us on even the busiest of Friday nights, much to the chagrin of other customers. I can safely say he was one of two Friday night mainstays throughout my childhood, the other being Charlie's nachos. Frankie always made us feel welcome in a time when most restaurants are growing more and more impersonal. I'll remember him as a kind man with a firm handshake and a smile on his face. "Good-bye buddy."
Merv Griffin (82): One of television's most prolific personalities, Griffin was a game show host, talk show host (whose self-titled The Merv Griffin Show won 11 Emmy Awards), and late-night host. Creator of the hugely successful game shows Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, Griffin arguably left his greatest contribution in the hands of Jerry Seinfeld, who used his famed talk show set in one of Seinfeld's funniest episodes, in which Kramer reconstructed the set in his apartment, complete with theme music. Although I'm not Griffin ever mixed up his cue cards.
David Halberstam (73): The American Pulitzer Prize winning author was among the most accomplished writers of the later-half of the 20th century. While his work on Vietnam and politics first brought him fame, it was his sports writing that endeared him to a younger generation of readers. Among those he published were Summer of '49 (about the Yankees & Red Sox), Playing for Keeps (about Michael Jordan), and The Education of a Coach (about Bill Belichick).
Harry Potter (1997-2007): The boy who saved reading. Created by J.K. Rowling, the 7-part fantasy series was THE pop-culture event of our time, obliterating sales records at a time when books seemed to lag far behind the internet, movies, television, and video games as means of entertainment for younger audiences. This year's final entry The Deathly Hallows did not disappoint, as Harry, Ron, and Hermione survived, Voldemort was destroyed, and readers bid a final farewell to Hogwarts. More symbolic, it marked the end of an era, and a phenomenon that rivaled both Star Wars and The Beatles. Not bad for a penniless writer who got creative on a delayed train to London.
Dennis Johnson (52): One of the most underrated athletes of his era, D.J. stunned the basketball world when he collapsed from a heart-attack in February. One of the great defensive guards of all-time, Johnson was a vital contributor to 3 NBA championship teams, the first with Seattle in 1979, for which he won finals MVP. The latter 2 came as point guard for the Celtics in 1984 and 1986. D.J. earned a reputation as one the most clutch players of his generation, and no less an authority than Larry Bird called him the best player he ever played with. Johnson, a 5-time All-Star and member of 9 straight All-Defensive 1st or 2nd teams, will likely be inducted posthumously into the Basketball Hall-of-Fame in Springfield, though that honor should've come much, much sooner.
The Naked Gun Villains:
In 1991's The Smell of Fear (2 1/2), Robert Goulet (73) terrorized the world as Quentin Hapsburg, who's inept plan to destroy the environment was foiled when Leslie Nielsen's Lt. Frank Drebin accidentally tripped over a chord that unplugged his nuclear bomb. Goulet found greater success on stage in 1960's Camelot, in which he played Sir Lancelot, and later won a Tony award for 1968's The Happy Time. Goulet also won a Grammy Award (1962) as best new artist.
In 1993's The Final Insult (33 1/3), Anna Nicole Smith (39) made an impression as Tanya Peters, Rocco Dillon's flirtatious girlfriend who had her eye on Lt. Drebin (It's a movie). Of course, Drebin lost interest when he discovered Ms. Peters was as "well-equipped" as he was. Smith's personal life sparked controversy, from her marriage at 17 to an 80 year-old billionaire oil tycoon to the mysterious death of her son. But Smith gained the most fame as the 1993 Playboy Playmate of the Year, decorating the bedroom walls of adolescent males across America.
The O.C. (2003-2007): Californiaaaaaaa, Californiaaaaaa . . . Critics be damned. The O.C., created by Josh Schwartz, was the single most entertaining teen drama since the early years of Beverly Hills 90210. Unlike 90210 however, The O.C. wisely invested as much time in the adult Cohens and Coopers as their kids. While the show burned through way too much story in season 1 (one of my 5 favorite t.v. seasons of all-time), it still had enough juice to sustain 4 seasons of lust, fights, betrayals, pools, surfers, beaches, burritos, chinese food, comic-books, lesbians, and some of most clever one-liners this side of White Men Can't Jump. Every young adult male deserves a cradle robbing neighbor like Julie Cooper. And I still wish I was from Chino.
Pirates of the Carribean (2003, 2006, 2007): For pure entertainment value, one of my favorite trilogies since Indiana Jones. Director Gore Verbinski helped keep the tone light, the humor strong, and the action fierce. And that score kicks ass! While many felt the sequels didn't live up to the original, I enjoyed each entry more than it's predecessor, culminating in this summer's thrilling At World's End. Despite that title, I wouldn't be surprised to see a 4th entry in this cash-cow franchise if Johnny Depp signs on again as Captain Jack Sparrow, who ranks among the most original, iconic characters to emerge in film during the past decade.
The Bourne Trilogy (2002, 2004, 2007): The new millenium's answer to James Bond, only with superior action, editing, and stunt work. Matt Damon embodied Jason Bourne with a vulnerability rarely seen in the genre, which the trilogy helped to re-invent. Doug Liman (Identity) and Paul Greengrass (Supremacy & Ultimatum) directed.
Marquise Hill (24): Drafted in the 2nd round of the 2004 NFL draft by the New England Patriots, Hill died tragically in an accident while jet skiing in his native New Orleans. The former standout defensive end helped LSU win a BCS title game (2003), and was a member of the Patriots Super Bowl winning team his rookie year. He also donated much of his time and money to help rebuild New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Richard Jeni (50): Likeable with a somewhat goofy demeanor, Jeni had a successful career as a stand-up comedian, with multiple comedy specials on both HBO and Showtime. He appeared frequently on The Tonight Show and starred in a handful of films, most notably as Jim Carrey's sidekick in The Mask (1994).
Deborah Kerr (86): One of Hollywood's most respected actresses, Kerr received an Honorary Academy Award in 1994. She was nominated for 6 oscars, all in the Best Actress category for the films Edward, My Son (1949), From Here to Eternity (1953), The King and I (1956), Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison (1957), Separate Tables (1958), and The Sundowners (1960).
The King of Queens (1998-2007): One of the most underrated, consistently funny sitcoms to emerge during the 90s, the story of tubby postal-worker Doug Heffernan and his wife Carrie earned many fans over the years. This was primarily due to the engaging performances of it's likeable, talented cast, especially Kevin James, Leah Remini, and the invaluable Jerry Stiller.
Phil Rizzuto (89): "The Scooter" was among the most popular Yankees of all-time. Rizzuto spent his entire career in New York, helping the team win 7 World Series, while cementing his legacy as one of the greatest defensive shortstops in history. The American League M.V.P in 1950, "Rizzuto" also made Billy Madison run out of class crying when he couldn't write his name in script.
Joel Siegel (63): After spending much of his early career working in the civil movement, Siegel gained fame as film critic for ABC's Good Morning America, a job he held for more than 25 years. While it seemed he almost never gave a negative review, that was his appeal. He was a movie fan above all else.
Bill Walsh (75): Widely regarded as one of the finest football coaches of all-time, Walsh is often credited with inventing the famed West Coast Offense. The NFL's coach of the year in both 1981 and 1984, Walsh won 3 Super Bowls as head coach of the San Francisco 49ers, compiling a record of 102-63-1 over that stretch.
Brad Delp (55): The lead singer of Boston, Delp's voice was instrumental in preserving my sanity on several lengthy flights and road trips over the years. "More Than a Feeling" remains one of my 10 favorite rock songs, and the band's self-titled debut album still receives regular airplay on WZLX and other local stations. And no band had a better name.
Frankie (?): The long-time host at Charley's Eating & Drinking Saloon in Chestnut Hill, MA, never seemed to age. Frankie was always friendly and respectful towards my family, taking care of us on even the busiest of Friday nights, much to the chagrin of other customers. I can safely say he was one of two Friday night mainstays throughout my childhood, the other being Charlie's nachos. Frankie always made us feel welcome in a time when most restaurants are growing more and more impersonal. I'll remember him as a kind man with a firm handshake and a smile on his face. "Good-bye buddy."
Merv Griffin (82): One of television's most prolific personalities, Griffin was a game show host, talk show host (whose self-titled The Merv Griffin Show won 11 Emmy Awards), and late-night host. Creator of the hugely successful game shows Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, Griffin arguably left his greatest contribution in the hands of Jerry Seinfeld, who used his famed talk show set in one of Seinfeld's funniest episodes, in which Kramer reconstructed the set in his apartment, complete with theme music. Although I'm not Griffin ever mixed up his cue cards.
David Halberstam (73): The American Pulitzer Prize winning author was among the most accomplished writers of the later-half of the 20th century. While his work on Vietnam and politics first brought him fame, it was his sports writing that endeared him to a younger generation of readers. Among those he published were Summer of '49 (about the Yankees & Red Sox), Playing for Keeps (about Michael Jordan), and The Education of a Coach (about Bill Belichick).
Harry Potter (1997-2007): The boy who saved reading. Created by J.K. Rowling, the 7-part fantasy series was THE pop-culture event of our time, obliterating sales records at a time when books seemed to lag far behind the internet, movies, television, and video games as means of entertainment for younger audiences. This year's final entry The Deathly Hallows did not disappoint, as Harry, Ron, and Hermione survived, Voldemort was destroyed, and readers bid a final farewell to Hogwarts. More symbolic, it marked the end of an era, and a phenomenon that rivaled both Star Wars and The Beatles. Not bad for a penniless writer who got creative on a delayed train to London.
Dennis Johnson (52): One of the most underrated athletes of his era, D.J. stunned the basketball world when he collapsed from a heart-attack in February. One of the great defensive guards of all-time, Johnson was a vital contributor to 3 NBA championship teams, the first with Seattle in 1979, for which he won finals MVP. The latter 2 came as point guard for the Celtics in 1984 and 1986. D.J. earned a reputation as one the most clutch players of his generation, and no less an authority than Larry Bird called him the best player he ever played with. Johnson, a 5-time All-Star and member of 9 straight All-Defensive 1st or 2nd teams, will likely be inducted posthumously into the Basketball Hall-of-Fame in Springfield, though that honor should've come much, much sooner.
The Naked Gun Villains:
In 1991's The Smell of Fear (2 1/2), Robert Goulet (73) terrorized the world as Quentin Hapsburg, who's inept plan to destroy the environment was foiled when Leslie Nielsen's Lt. Frank Drebin accidentally tripped over a chord that unplugged his nuclear bomb. Goulet found greater success on stage in 1960's Camelot, in which he played Sir Lancelot, and later won a Tony award for 1968's The Happy Time. Goulet also won a Grammy Award (1962) as best new artist.
In 1993's The Final Insult (33 1/3), Anna Nicole Smith (39) made an impression as Tanya Peters, Rocco Dillon's flirtatious girlfriend who had her eye on Lt. Drebin (It's a movie). Of course, Drebin lost interest when he discovered Ms. Peters was as "well-equipped" as he was. Smith's personal life sparked controversy, from her marriage at 17 to an 80 year-old billionaire oil tycoon to the mysterious death of her son. But Smith gained the most fame as the 1993 Playboy Playmate of the Year, decorating the bedroom walls of adolescent males across America.
The O.C. (2003-2007): Californiaaaaaaa, Californiaaaaaa . . . Critics be damned. The O.C., created by Josh Schwartz, was the single most entertaining teen drama since the early years of Beverly Hills 90210. Unlike 90210 however, The O.C. wisely invested as much time in the adult Cohens and Coopers as their kids. While the show burned through way too much story in season 1 (one of my 5 favorite t.v. seasons of all-time), it still had enough juice to sustain 4 seasons of lust, fights, betrayals, pools, surfers, beaches, burritos, chinese food, comic-books, lesbians, and some of most clever one-liners this side of White Men Can't Jump. Every young adult male deserves a cradle robbing neighbor like Julie Cooper. And I still wish I was from Chino.
Pirates of the Carribean (2003, 2006, 2007): For pure entertainment value, one of my favorite trilogies since Indiana Jones. Director Gore Verbinski helped keep the tone light, the humor strong, and the action fierce. And that score kicks ass! While many felt the sequels didn't live up to the original, I enjoyed each entry more than it's predecessor, culminating in this summer's thrilling At World's End. Despite that title, I wouldn't be surprised to see a 4th entry in this cash-cow franchise if Johnny Depp signs on again as Captain Jack Sparrow, who ranks among the most original, iconic characters to emerge in film during the past decade.
Chip Reese (56): Winner of 3 World Series of Poker bracelets, Reese earned the respect of his peers over a hugely successful career highlighted by stellar play and consumate professionalism. Among the most accomplished cash game players of all-time, Reese was the youngest living player to be inducted into the Poker Hall of Fame (1991). At a recent poker conference at Harvard Law School, Mike Sexton (host of The World Poker Tour) described his early days playing poker in Ohio, where 1 player always broke him at the tables. Sexton doubted his ability until he got to college, where he began cleaning up in cash games. It wasn't until years later that he discovered the player who dominated him years earlier was Chip Reese. A fitting tribute to a man Doyle Brunson recently called, "the best poker player that ever lived."
The Sopranos (1999-2007): Tony, Carmela, Meadow, A.J., Melfi, Junior, Paulie, Silvio, Pussy, Christopher, Janice, Livia . . . characters readily identifiable by a single name. I never thought we'd see a mob family rival the Corleones in stature, pop-culture relevance, and name recognition. But David Chase's New Jersey based clan accomplished just that. Among the most critically acclaimed television dramas of all-time, The Sopranos was also the most financially successful cable series in the medium's history. At the show's center was James Gandolfini's Tony, trapped in a constant psychological struggle between his responsibilities to his family and his "family." Though I missed much of the series when it was new, the magic of on-demand has provided me the opportunity to immerse myself in Tony's world, which features some of the strongest writing and acting I've ever seen.
Other Departures:
Ingmar Bergman (89): One of the most influential names in cinema, the Swedish filmmaker directed 62 films, many of which he wrote. Among his most notable were The Seventh Seal and Wild Strawberries (both 1957), Persona (1966), and Cries and Whispers (1972).
Joey Bishop (89): The former stand-up comedian guest hosted Johnny Carson's The Tonight Show more times than any other man. But he was best known as the last living member of the famed Rat Pack, with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peter Lawford, and Sammy Davis Jr.The Bourne Trilogy (2002, 2004, 2007): The new millenium's answer to James Bond, only with superior action, editing, and stunt work. Matt Damon embodied Jason Bourne with a vulnerability rarely seen in the genre, which the trilogy helped to re-invent. Doug Liman (Identity) and Paul Greengrass (Supremacy & Ultimatum) directed.
Marquise Hill (24): Drafted in the 2nd round of the 2004 NFL draft by the New England Patriots, Hill died tragically in an accident while jet skiing in his native New Orleans. The former standout defensive end helped LSU win a BCS title game (2003), and was a member of the Patriots Super Bowl winning team his rookie year. He also donated much of his time and money to help rebuild New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Richard Jeni (50): Likeable with a somewhat goofy demeanor, Jeni had a successful career as a stand-up comedian, with multiple comedy specials on both HBO and Showtime. He appeared frequently on The Tonight Show and starred in a handful of films, most notably as Jim Carrey's sidekick in The Mask (1994).
Deborah Kerr (86): One of Hollywood's most respected actresses, Kerr received an Honorary Academy Award in 1994. She was nominated for 6 oscars, all in the Best Actress category for the films Edward, My Son (1949), From Here to Eternity (1953), The King and I (1956), Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison (1957), Separate Tables (1958), and The Sundowners (1960).
The King of Queens (1998-2007): One of the most underrated, consistently funny sitcoms to emerge during the 90s, the story of tubby postal-worker Doug Heffernan and his wife Carrie earned many fans over the years. This was primarily due to the engaging performances of it's likeable, talented cast, especially Kevin James, Leah Remini, and the invaluable Jerry Stiller.
Phil Rizzuto (89): "The Scooter" was among the most popular Yankees of all-time. Rizzuto spent his entire career in New York, helping the team win 7 World Series, while cementing his legacy as one of the greatest defensive shortstops in history. The American League M.V.P in 1950, "Rizzuto" also made Billy Madison run out of class crying when he couldn't write his name in script.
Joel Siegel (63): After spending much of his early career working in the civil movement, Siegel gained fame as film critic for ABC's Good Morning America, a job he held for more than 25 years. While it seemed he almost never gave a negative review, that was his appeal. He was a movie fan above all else.
Bill Walsh (75): Widely regarded as one of the finest football coaches of all-time, Walsh is often credited with inventing the famed West Coast Offense. The NFL's coach of the year in both 1981 and 1984, Walsh won 3 Super Bowls as head coach of the San Francisco 49ers, compiling a record of 102-63-1 over that stretch.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Roger's Legacy
Deny 'Til You Die. Apparantly Roger Clemens has chosen to adopt Ari Gold's business philosophy with regard to his recent inclusion in the much publicized Mitchell Report. While the report doesn't indicate a conclusive determinent of guilt, it can certainly tarnish one's reputation in the public's eye. This is the area I suspect Rocket is most concerned about. Until recently he was being praised by writers, fans, and sportscenter anchors as the greatest pitcher who ever lived. With over 300 wins, 4000 strikeouts, 7 Cy Youngs (a record), an MVP, 11 all-star games, a pair of 20 strikeout games, and 2 world series rings, who's to argue?
Well, now many people choose to argue, much the way they did when the incomparable Barry Bonds became widely suspected of steroid use. Humans may be an ignorant bunch, but we aren't to blame. We accept the realities the world presents to us, and if the media doesn't report wrong-doings, we simply don't know about them. Major league baseball, from the higher-ups (Bud Selig) to the owners conveniently turned a blind eye when hallowed records started to fall. They were thrilled by the popularity boom baseball experienced during the summer of 1998, when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa both broke Roger Maris' single-season homerun record. Jaws dropped when Bonds hit 73 homeruns just 3 years later. Did nobody think it was a little strange that a record which had stood for 37 years was shattered by 3 different men in a span in the span of as many years? And yet the visual evidence was there. Don't believe me? Visit your old shoeboxes filled with baseball cards and dig out the rookie cards. Skinny McGwire evolved into a Hulk Hogan clone, while the practically anorexic Bonds most closely came to resemble Ken Griffey Jr. after chugging the bottle of nerve tonic on the Simpsons. History has shown that production begins to decline, that bodies begin to breakdown once players hit their mid-late 30s. And yet, guys like Bonds and Clemens are hitting their peak at 40?
Clemens isn't an idiot. He's seen how reviled many of the 1990s superstars now are in the eyes of the fans. He knows that many athletes once considered first-ballot locks for the hall-of-fame now have zero chance of induction. Too many cynical sportswriters have already made up their minds for guys like McGwire, Sosa, and Raphael Palmero to come anywhere near the 75% needed for induction. He's seen what's happened to Bonds, how so many now want nothing to do with him. Remember those old debates about who was baseball's greatest, Bonds or Griffey Jr.? The results are in and Griffey's won in a landslide, self-induced animated head expansion aside. With no connection to BALCO and no subpoenas, Clemens is going with the old adage, "It's my word against their's." Unfortunately, too many precedents have been set for his word to hold much weight with the public. Afterall, Palmero sternly denied ever taking steroids on Capitol Hill, pointing an unwavering finger at anyone who claimed otherwise. That seemed to be good enough, until he became the highest profile player to test positive.
I seriously doubt Clemens will ever slip up like that, for many reasons. His career is winding down and he doesn't ever need to step on a pitcher's mound again. He wouldn't possibly risk alienating the few supporters he has left. He has a lot of pride and seems genuinely concerned about his legacy. His records and achievements alone would seem to indicate a spot on baseball's Mt. Rushmore (a really cool idea that needs to happen some day) were they not considered tainted. Additionally he has 4 sons, the oldest of whom Koby, plays in the minor leagues. I imagine he prays his sons don't think less of him nor does he want these allegations to follow Koby as he pursues his own career.
But the truth is Clemens has been the ultimate "me-first" guy for a long time. After a hugely successful tenure with the Red Sox, the Rocket posted back to back to back to back subpar seasons from 1993-1996, eventually convincing GM Dan Duquette that he was finished (some accused him of tanking). Clemens had already been pitching for 13 years and it became evident that his best was behind him. But leave it to Roger to finish his spinach (cue Popeye theme song) and off he went to Toronto, picking up 2 Cy Youngs in a short stint with the Blue Jays. Self-serving, disloyal publicity hound that he was, Clemen's next stop was the big apple for 5 years. It didn't hurt that they were throwing money at him like confetti. He won his rings and perhaps his highest acclaim, ironic since these are now the years most in question since his former trained revealed that Clemens likes to bend over and take it up the ass (pun intended). Prepared to go out on top, Clemens stopped in every major league city for choruses of rousing ovations on his endless farewell tour. But marvel that he was, he decided that he wasn't through. His body was stronger than ever and age is only a matter of mind anyway, so why not fool everyone again and join the Astros? He even had the nerve to do a second retirement tour while in Houston, soaking up the applause from Oakland to Beantown (I was never among the participants). And just as it was time to quit for good, Steinbrenner and Cashman came calling with the most insane pro-rated salary ever concocted.
Much to my pleasure, Clemen's final stay with New York backfired. But regardless of where he ended up, I take issue with the luxuries afforded him that fly in the face of of everything it means to be part of a team. Forget the money, ludicrous as it was. Clemens didn't have to travel with the team. He didn't even have to show up unless he was pitching! If Roger so desparately wanted to spend extra time with his family, couldn't he simply have retired? To my knowledge Clemens is the only player to buck the trend that you can't have it both ways. Ego and money drove Clemens to return, not that he needed more of either. But if you choose to be part of a team, than be part of that team. As a friend of mine once said in response to my telling him there's no "I" in team, "yah, but there's a me." Truer words were never spoken.
And alas we've come to the end of Roger Clemens. Was he a great pitcher? Absolutely. Did he cheat the game of baseball? Probably, though no more than several other major leaguers who chose to bend the rules to benefit themselves. And the truth of it all is that I don't care that much about the steroid issue anymore. Maybe it's because I'm sick of hearing about it. Perhaps it's because baseball could've stopped it at anytime, so I don't hold the players entirely responsible. I don't know how I'd vote if given a hall-of-fame ballot, but I do know this. If Bonds is going to be doubted by fans and sports reporters, his records accompanied by large black asterisks for the rest of time, than Clemens warrants the same fate. Roger, you've always wanted to be the center of attention. Mission accomplished.
Well, now many people choose to argue, much the way they did when the incomparable Barry Bonds became widely suspected of steroid use. Humans may be an ignorant bunch, but we aren't to blame. We accept the realities the world presents to us, and if the media doesn't report wrong-doings, we simply don't know about them. Major league baseball, from the higher-ups (Bud Selig) to the owners conveniently turned a blind eye when hallowed records started to fall. They were thrilled by the popularity boom baseball experienced during the summer of 1998, when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa both broke Roger Maris' single-season homerun record. Jaws dropped when Bonds hit 73 homeruns just 3 years later. Did nobody think it was a little strange that a record which had stood for 37 years was shattered by 3 different men in a span in the span of as many years? And yet the visual evidence was there. Don't believe me? Visit your old shoeboxes filled with baseball cards and dig out the rookie cards. Skinny McGwire evolved into a Hulk Hogan clone, while the practically anorexic Bonds most closely came to resemble Ken Griffey Jr. after chugging the bottle of nerve tonic on the Simpsons. History has shown that production begins to decline, that bodies begin to breakdown once players hit their mid-late 30s. And yet, guys like Bonds and Clemens are hitting their peak at 40?
Clemens isn't an idiot. He's seen how reviled many of the 1990s superstars now are in the eyes of the fans. He knows that many athletes once considered first-ballot locks for the hall-of-fame now have zero chance of induction. Too many cynical sportswriters have already made up their minds for guys like McGwire, Sosa, and Raphael Palmero to come anywhere near the 75% needed for induction. He's seen what's happened to Bonds, how so many now want nothing to do with him. Remember those old debates about who was baseball's greatest, Bonds or Griffey Jr.? The results are in and Griffey's won in a landslide, self-induced animated head expansion aside. With no connection to BALCO and no subpoenas, Clemens is going with the old adage, "It's my word against their's." Unfortunately, too many precedents have been set for his word to hold much weight with the public. Afterall, Palmero sternly denied ever taking steroids on Capitol Hill, pointing an unwavering finger at anyone who claimed otherwise. That seemed to be good enough, until he became the highest profile player to test positive.
I seriously doubt Clemens will ever slip up like that, for many reasons. His career is winding down and he doesn't ever need to step on a pitcher's mound again. He wouldn't possibly risk alienating the few supporters he has left. He has a lot of pride and seems genuinely concerned about his legacy. His records and achievements alone would seem to indicate a spot on baseball's Mt. Rushmore (a really cool idea that needs to happen some day) were they not considered tainted. Additionally he has 4 sons, the oldest of whom Koby, plays in the minor leagues. I imagine he prays his sons don't think less of him nor does he want these allegations to follow Koby as he pursues his own career.
But the truth is Clemens has been the ultimate "me-first" guy for a long time. After a hugely successful tenure with the Red Sox, the Rocket posted back to back to back to back subpar seasons from 1993-1996, eventually convincing GM Dan Duquette that he was finished (some accused him of tanking). Clemens had already been pitching for 13 years and it became evident that his best was behind him. But leave it to Roger to finish his spinach (cue Popeye theme song) and off he went to Toronto, picking up 2 Cy Youngs in a short stint with the Blue Jays. Self-serving, disloyal publicity hound that he was, Clemen's next stop was the big apple for 5 years. It didn't hurt that they were throwing money at him like confetti. He won his rings and perhaps his highest acclaim, ironic since these are now the years most in question since his former trained revealed that Clemens likes to bend over and take it up the ass (pun intended). Prepared to go out on top, Clemens stopped in every major league city for choruses of rousing ovations on his endless farewell tour. But marvel that he was, he decided that he wasn't through. His body was stronger than ever and age is only a matter of mind anyway, so why not fool everyone again and join the Astros? He even had the nerve to do a second retirement tour while in Houston, soaking up the applause from Oakland to Beantown (I was never among the participants). And just as it was time to quit for good, Steinbrenner and Cashman came calling with the most insane pro-rated salary ever concocted.
Much to my pleasure, Clemen's final stay with New York backfired. But regardless of where he ended up, I take issue with the luxuries afforded him that fly in the face of of everything it means to be part of a team. Forget the money, ludicrous as it was. Clemens didn't have to travel with the team. He didn't even have to show up unless he was pitching! If Roger so desparately wanted to spend extra time with his family, couldn't he simply have retired? To my knowledge Clemens is the only player to buck the trend that you can't have it both ways. Ego and money drove Clemens to return, not that he needed more of either. But if you choose to be part of a team, than be part of that team. As a friend of mine once said in response to my telling him there's no "I" in team, "yah, but there's a me." Truer words were never spoken.
And alas we've come to the end of Roger Clemens. Was he a great pitcher? Absolutely. Did he cheat the game of baseball? Probably, though no more than several other major leaguers who chose to bend the rules to benefit themselves. And the truth of it all is that I don't care that much about the steroid issue anymore. Maybe it's because I'm sick of hearing about it. Perhaps it's because baseball could've stopped it at anytime, so I don't hold the players entirely responsible. I don't know how I'd vote if given a hall-of-fame ballot, but I do know this. If Bonds is going to be doubted by fans and sports reporters, his records accompanied by large black asterisks for the rest of time, than Clemens warrants the same fate. Roger, you've always wanted to be the center of attention. Mission accomplished.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Summer Movie Awards 2007
Maybe it’s the withdrawal that comes from not seeing a truly great film in at least 6 months. Perhaps it’s the popcorn and soda I’ve been digesting in bulk since early May within the confines of my local theatre. Maybe my brain has been so successfully assaulted by superheroes, ogres, pirates, giant explosions, dueling wizards, and mega-robots that I can now think of nothing better to do. Whatever compelled me to sum up the summer movie season, from the handful of original comedies to the numerous money-driven sequels and threequels, here is one filmgoer’s expert analysis.
Breakout Star of the Summer: Seth Rogan: After a handful of humorous, small roles in a few cancelled sitcoms and The 40 Year Old Virgin, Rogan emerged as a comedic star as Ben, a bumbling 20-something struggling with maturity and an unexpected pregnancy in Knocked Up. The film’s ultimate success rested on his convincing audiences that Katharine Heigl’s Allison could fall in love with him. It worked. Rogan also co-wrote the late summer sleeper hit Superbad, and took a very funny supporting role as an inept cop who with his partner took the inexperienced McLovin under his wing.
Runner-up: Shia LaBeouf: He brought humility and humor to his leading role in Michael Bay’s mega-blockbuster Transformers, keeping the film grounded as chaos ensued around him. He also headlined the sleeper hit Disturbia. I have little doubt he will hold his own in next summers fourth Indiana Jones installment.
Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille: A smart and involving story about a rat named Remi who’s unlikely cooking exploits in a Paris restaurant show us that anyone can succeed with a little luck and perseverance. Peter O’toole voiced a snooty acclaimed food critic in one of the summer’s most unexpectedly mature films. Few, if any animated films, have ever looked better. And the script provided as much for adults as for children. In the race for summer’s biggest animated film, Shrek the Third may have won financially, but Ratatouille was the one people will still be talking about in 5 years.
Runner-up: The Simpson’s Movie: Though not quite up the long-running series’ best episodes, this big-screen Simpson’s adventure was worth the wait. Though it lost some steam near the end, the first half was remarkably funny, mixing unexpected site gags with clever dialogue as Homer attempted to save his family from his worst screw-up ever. Also nice to see Homer finally give someone the “finger,” which you know he’s been itching to do for years.
Sexiest Female Lead: Megan Fox: It was a toss-up between Fox and Heigl. Though Heigl displayed infinitely more charisma and warmth in Knocked Up, Fox’s reluctant girlfriend to Lebouf’s geeky hero helped make Transformers the non-sequel king of the summer. And any guy whose says his favorite image of the summer wasn’t Fox working under the hood of that car is either lying or likes men.
Runner-up: Heigl: A natural stunner, she’s docked a few points for consistently wearing more clothes than Fox. It matters.
Best Action Sequence: Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End: A touch choice. Live Free or Die Hard and The Bourne Ultimatum boasted superior chase sequences. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix gave us a thrilling wizard showdown, while Transformers showcased a mammoth Decepticon spinning out of the desert sand from underground. Spiderman 3’s finale was a visual stunner with a 2-on-2 tag-team effort, even though it didn’t make much sense. But I’m going with At World’s End, in no small part for it’s thrilling final 45 minutes, which featured booming explosions, three massive ships, hundreds of extras, a typhoon, an indestructible woman who turned into a giant, dueling undead pirates, a scramble for a live beating heart, and a massive whirlpool in the middle of the sea. Over the top? Of course, but it knew it was, with Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack winking at the audience every step of the way.
Runner-up: The Bourne Ultimatum: A throwback type of action film, in which stunt work and editing played a far more crucial role than any special effects. Director Paul Greengrass deserves credit for making building jumping and street chases exciting again.
Best Villain: Imelda Staunton: As the new defense against the dark arts teacher at Hogwarts, Staunton’s Dolores Umbridge was every student’s worst nightmare. Her demeaning glares and rigid upholding of her private set of rules recalled Nurse Ratched. Tormenting opposing faculty and torturing Harry Potter, she was all the more terrifying because we didn’t see this coming. An oscar nomination is warranted, though I’d bet 1000 to 1 she won’t receive one.
Runner-up: Government Officials: America’s cinematic punching bag, reflecting an ever-growing dissatisfaction with the current administration. They were portrayed as corrupt (Sicko, The Bourne Ultimatum), ignorant (Transformers, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer), and in one case, hilariously indifferent (The Simpson Movie’s President Schwarzenegger, who was “elected to lead, not to read”).
Note: I really should’ve given the runner-up spot to Kevin Costner’s Mr. Brooks (one of summer’s underrated thrillers), but the idea of awarding Costner the title “Best” of anything was a little too much to stomach.
Most Thought-Provoking: Sicko: It didn’t have the hype or box-office of Michael Moore’s earlier hits Bowling for Columbine or Fahrenheit 9/11, but his latest film was actually the most accomplished. Focusing more on the stories of his subjects than himself this time, Moore contrasted the health care programs offered in America with seemingly more competent programs in Canada, England, France, and Cuba. Health care exists as a fundamental “right” elsewhere in the world, not as a business industry that allows its citizens to die if they aren’t properly covered. If they can do it, why can’t we?
Runner-up: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: Actually, the only thought-provoking thing about this film was in making us wonder how such a simplistic, ignorant view of homosexual life could get on-screen in the first place. Every scene seemed taken from an early 90’s sitcom, with simplified caricatures, but no real characters. The half-dozen or so laughs in the movie belonged to Kevin James. I like Adam Sandler, but since he began straining to add “messages” to his comedies, we’ve been treated to steadily decreasing comic results. Chuck and Larry also contained the season’s most ridiculous ending.
Biggest Disappointment: Ocean’s 13: The latest star-studded caper film had me leaving the theatre wondering, “That was it?” Ocean’s 11 was a complete entertainment, with a clever heist and a witty script. Ocean’s 12, while inferior, was basically more of the same, with plenty of winks from its star studded cast. But in unlucky 13, the fun was gone. The plot and heist were lame, with hardly any memorable dialogue as the crew basically rehashed the original. I never thought Al Pacino would be wasted to the extent he was here. Andy Garcia had a lot more bite as the heavy in the original. And with no Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta-Jones this time around, our biggest stars (Clooney and Pitt) our left with little to humanize them other than an episode of Oprah.
Runner-up: Spiderman 3: Plenty of choices here, including a mediocre third Shrek (a few solid laughs, but the inventiveness was gone) and a ridiculous sequel to Fantastic Four (which was actually a step-up from the original). But in part because its immediate predecessor was so good, Spiderman 3 had more to live up to than the others. 2007’s highest grossing blockbuster pitted Peter Parker’s alter-ego against no less than 4 villains; Harry Osborne’s new goblin, Flint Marko’s shape-changing Sandman, and the mysterious substance “venom,” which first attaches itself to Peter and later to rival photographer Eddie Brock. That’s enough story for two sequels, but it’s all crammed here into a film that either needed to run a lot longer (to flesh out its villains) or shorter (cut two of them out all together). While there are many enjoyable scenes scattered throughout, director Sam Raimi never found a consistent tone as the audience was jerked from one plot to the next. Kirsten Dunst’s MJ was more an irritation than anything else.
Biggest Surprise: Live Free or Die Hard: Despite owning the year’s worst title, the fourth Die Hard adventure emerged like a breath of fresh air in late June. Relying more on stunts and explosions than CGI, the film gave John McClane a partner, a daughter, and pitted him against a cyber terrorist with financial motivations. This film won’t win any Oscars, but the winning combination of Bruce Willis in civilian hero mode, top-flight action, and a few clever one-liners was enough to make any male between the ages of 12 and 60 leave with a smile.
Runner-up: Lucky You: The film’s title must’ve been aimed to me, because I among the 8 people who actually saw it. Opening against Spiderman 3 (nice job executives), this tale of addiction and redemption deserved a larger audience. Director Curtis Hansen, a reported poker nut, got everything about the game, including the grind and psychology involved, exactly right. If Texas Hold’em doesn’t match your criteria of a fun evening out, it was still worth seeing for Robert Duvall’s best performance in years, as poker legend L.C. Cheever, estranged father of our hero (played by Eric Bana).
Best On-Screen Duo: Jonah Hill & Michael Cera: The most likeable pair of high school best buds since Bill and Ted, they turned Superbad into one of the year’s biggest and funniest comedies. Seen as geeks by the masses, Seth and Evan use a student wimpier than even them to aid in their quest for beer and women. That character was Fogel (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), who ends up with the best name ever put on a fake I.D., “McLuvin.” Though it didn’t have the heart of Knocked Up (Apatow produced, Rogan co-wrote), it nearly matched the earlier hit laugh for laugh, on a slightly more juvenile scale.
Runner-up: Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker: Who would’ve thought a third film with Detectives Lee and Carter could prove so enjoyable? The last big threequel of summer, Rush Hour 3 was probably the lightest and most briskly-paced of them all, though it was also by far the least ambitious. Still, it basically offered what its predecessors did; some action, some humor, and lots of chemistry between the two leads. More importantly, it required almost no thought on behalf of the viewer, exactly the way a summer movie season should end.
Breakout Star of the Summer: Seth Rogan: After a handful of humorous, small roles in a few cancelled sitcoms and The 40 Year Old Virgin, Rogan emerged as a comedic star as Ben, a bumbling 20-something struggling with maturity and an unexpected pregnancy in Knocked Up. The film’s ultimate success rested on his convincing audiences that Katharine Heigl’s Allison could fall in love with him. It worked. Rogan also co-wrote the late summer sleeper hit Superbad, and took a very funny supporting role as an inept cop who with his partner took the inexperienced McLovin under his wing.
Runner-up: Shia LaBeouf: He brought humility and humor to his leading role in Michael Bay’s mega-blockbuster Transformers, keeping the film grounded as chaos ensued around him. He also headlined the sleeper hit Disturbia. I have little doubt he will hold his own in next summers fourth Indiana Jones installment.
Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille: A smart and involving story about a rat named Remi who’s unlikely cooking exploits in a Paris restaurant show us that anyone can succeed with a little luck and perseverance. Peter O’toole voiced a snooty acclaimed food critic in one of the summer’s most unexpectedly mature films. Few, if any animated films, have ever looked better. And the script provided as much for adults as for children. In the race for summer’s biggest animated film, Shrek the Third may have won financially, but Ratatouille was the one people will still be talking about in 5 years.
Runner-up: The Simpson’s Movie: Though not quite up the long-running series’ best episodes, this big-screen Simpson’s adventure was worth the wait. Though it lost some steam near the end, the first half was remarkably funny, mixing unexpected site gags with clever dialogue as Homer attempted to save his family from his worst screw-up ever. Also nice to see Homer finally give someone the “finger,” which you know he’s been itching to do for years.
Sexiest Female Lead: Megan Fox: It was a toss-up between Fox and Heigl. Though Heigl displayed infinitely more charisma and warmth in Knocked Up, Fox’s reluctant girlfriend to Lebouf’s geeky hero helped make Transformers the non-sequel king of the summer. And any guy whose says his favorite image of the summer wasn’t Fox working under the hood of that car is either lying or likes men.
Runner-up: Heigl: A natural stunner, she’s docked a few points for consistently wearing more clothes than Fox. It matters.
Best Action Sequence: Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End: A touch choice. Live Free or Die Hard and The Bourne Ultimatum boasted superior chase sequences. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix gave us a thrilling wizard showdown, while Transformers showcased a mammoth Decepticon spinning out of the desert sand from underground. Spiderman 3’s finale was a visual stunner with a 2-on-2 tag-team effort, even though it didn’t make much sense. But I’m going with At World’s End, in no small part for it’s thrilling final 45 minutes, which featured booming explosions, three massive ships, hundreds of extras, a typhoon, an indestructible woman who turned into a giant, dueling undead pirates, a scramble for a live beating heart, and a massive whirlpool in the middle of the sea. Over the top? Of course, but it knew it was, with Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack winking at the audience every step of the way.
Runner-up: The Bourne Ultimatum: A throwback type of action film, in which stunt work and editing played a far more crucial role than any special effects. Director Paul Greengrass deserves credit for making building jumping and street chases exciting again.
Best Villain: Imelda Staunton: As the new defense against the dark arts teacher at Hogwarts, Staunton’s Dolores Umbridge was every student’s worst nightmare. Her demeaning glares and rigid upholding of her private set of rules recalled Nurse Ratched. Tormenting opposing faculty and torturing Harry Potter, she was all the more terrifying because we didn’t see this coming. An oscar nomination is warranted, though I’d bet 1000 to 1 she won’t receive one.
Runner-up: Government Officials: America’s cinematic punching bag, reflecting an ever-growing dissatisfaction with the current administration. They were portrayed as corrupt (Sicko, The Bourne Ultimatum), ignorant (Transformers, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer), and in one case, hilariously indifferent (The Simpson Movie’s President Schwarzenegger, who was “elected to lead, not to read”).
Note: I really should’ve given the runner-up spot to Kevin Costner’s Mr. Brooks (one of summer’s underrated thrillers), but the idea of awarding Costner the title “Best” of anything was a little too much to stomach.
Most Thought-Provoking: Sicko: It didn’t have the hype or box-office of Michael Moore’s earlier hits Bowling for Columbine or Fahrenheit 9/11, but his latest film was actually the most accomplished. Focusing more on the stories of his subjects than himself this time, Moore contrasted the health care programs offered in America with seemingly more competent programs in Canada, England, France, and Cuba. Health care exists as a fundamental “right” elsewhere in the world, not as a business industry that allows its citizens to die if they aren’t properly covered. If they can do it, why can’t we?
Runner-up: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: Actually, the only thought-provoking thing about this film was in making us wonder how such a simplistic, ignorant view of homosexual life could get on-screen in the first place. Every scene seemed taken from an early 90’s sitcom, with simplified caricatures, but no real characters. The half-dozen or so laughs in the movie belonged to Kevin James. I like Adam Sandler, but since he began straining to add “messages” to his comedies, we’ve been treated to steadily decreasing comic results. Chuck and Larry also contained the season’s most ridiculous ending.
Biggest Disappointment: Ocean’s 13: The latest star-studded caper film had me leaving the theatre wondering, “That was it?” Ocean’s 11 was a complete entertainment, with a clever heist and a witty script. Ocean’s 12, while inferior, was basically more of the same, with plenty of winks from its star studded cast. But in unlucky 13, the fun was gone. The plot and heist were lame, with hardly any memorable dialogue as the crew basically rehashed the original. I never thought Al Pacino would be wasted to the extent he was here. Andy Garcia had a lot more bite as the heavy in the original. And with no Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta-Jones this time around, our biggest stars (Clooney and Pitt) our left with little to humanize them other than an episode of Oprah.
Runner-up: Spiderman 3: Plenty of choices here, including a mediocre third Shrek (a few solid laughs, but the inventiveness was gone) and a ridiculous sequel to Fantastic Four (which was actually a step-up from the original). But in part because its immediate predecessor was so good, Spiderman 3 had more to live up to than the others. 2007’s highest grossing blockbuster pitted Peter Parker’s alter-ego against no less than 4 villains; Harry Osborne’s new goblin, Flint Marko’s shape-changing Sandman, and the mysterious substance “venom,” which first attaches itself to Peter and later to rival photographer Eddie Brock. That’s enough story for two sequels, but it’s all crammed here into a film that either needed to run a lot longer (to flesh out its villains) or shorter (cut two of them out all together). While there are many enjoyable scenes scattered throughout, director Sam Raimi never found a consistent tone as the audience was jerked from one plot to the next. Kirsten Dunst’s MJ was more an irritation than anything else.
Biggest Surprise: Live Free or Die Hard: Despite owning the year’s worst title, the fourth Die Hard adventure emerged like a breath of fresh air in late June. Relying more on stunts and explosions than CGI, the film gave John McClane a partner, a daughter, and pitted him against a cyber terrorist with financial motivations. This film won’t win any Oscars, but the winning combination of Bruce Willis in civilian hero mode, top-flight action, and a few clever one-liners was enough to make any male between the ages of 12 and 60 leave with a smile.
Runner-up: Lucky You: The film’s title must’ve been aimed to me, because I among the 8 people who actually saw it. Opening against Spiderman 3 (nice job executives), this tale of addiction and redemption deserved a larger audience. Director Curtis Hansen, a reported poker nut, got everything about the game, including the grind and psychology involved, exactly right. If Texas Hold’em doesn’t match your criteria of a fun evening out, it was still worth seeing for Robert Duvall’s best performance in years, as poker legend L.C. Cheever, estranged father of our hero (played by Eric Bana).
Best On-Screen Duo: Jonah Hill & Michael Cera: The most likeable pair of high school best buds since Bill and Ted, they turned Superbad into one of the year’s biggest and funniest comedies. Seen as geeks by the masses, Seth and Evan use a student wimpier than even them to aid in their quest for beer and women. That character was Fogel (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), who ends up with the best name ever put on a fake I.D., “McLuvin.” Though it didn’t have the heart of Knocked Up (Apatow produced, Rogan co-wrote), it nearly matched the earlier hit laugh for laugh, on a slightly more juvenile scale.
Runner-up: Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker: Who would’ve thought a third film with Detectives Lee and Carter could prove so enjoyable? The last big threequel of summer, Rush Hour 3 was probably the lightest and most briskly-paced of them all, though it was also by far the least ambitious. Still, it basically offered what its predecessors did; some action, some humor, and lots of chemistry between the two leads. More importantly, it required almost no thought on behalf of the viewer, exactly the way a summer movie season should end.
Monday, October 29, 2007
The ABC's of Boston Sport's, October 2007
October is perhaps the best month on the calendar. New Englander's stop sweating and experience their 31 days of fall. Oscar contenders begin filling the local multiplexes. Sam Adam's re-relases Octoberfest. It marks the beginning of the year's longest period between mandatory visits to synogauge. And Larry David is screaming obscenities and shouting racial slurs at everyone from surgeon's to pharmacists. But nowhere is this month more significant than in the world of sports. The N.F.L. season is in full swing, B.C.S. rankings become more conclusive, the N.B.A. pre-season has fans drooling, and the M.L.B. finds it's champion. Here then is a toast to the hero's and donkeys of October, 2007, Beantown style.
(A)lex Rodriguez, who after years of struggle finally managed to make headlines in the playoffs. Could this guy be more self-centered? Of all the athletes I never want to see in a Boston uniform, A-Rod has always been a top 5 guy since the bush-league slap on Bronson Arroyo. After Sunday, he stands alone at the top of the list.
(B)ill Belichick, the mastermind and "cheater" behind the N.F.L.'s dominant franchise. The early season controversy seems to be about the best thing that could've happened to the typically emotionless coach. The defense has been dominant, while the offense has been unstoppable, never more so than in last week's 52-7 thrashing of the hapless Washington Redskins. I mean, 52-7? That's a Madden 2000 score!
(C)harles Barkley, for providing a year's worth of quotes in a single evening on Conan O'Brien. The best: "Guys who play football, they were guys who wasn't good enough to play basketball." The runnerup, while describing the 1986 Celtics: "They were probably, other than the Lakers, the second best team I ever played against, but they was not pretty people."
(D)ustin Pedroia, who should be a unanimous pick for A.L. Rookie of the Year. Years of searching for a second baseman are officially over, despite the fact that Pedroia couldn't beat Cecil Fielder in a foot-race. It's always great to root for the little guy.
(E)agles of Boston College. They are playing so well that for the first time ever, about 20% of New England residents are showing a steady interest in the B.C.S. Defying the naysayers week after week, would it still surprise you if this bunch took down Ohio St. or LSU? (Ok, it still would, but we can hope).
(F)rancona (Terry), the single most underrated manager in the game. The man exhibits more class than anyone, while simultaneously regulating Schilling's ego and Manny's unstable cranium. With 2 world series rings in 4 years, Tito has proven that it's time for the morons clogging up WEEI's phone lines to shut up and take a hike.
(G)eneral manager Theo Epstein, for showing guts and savvy time and time again in spite of being kicked in the nuts repeatedly by on-air personalities and fans. Theo is the man who traded 2-time batting champ Nomar Garciaparra and brought in Orlando Cabrera, Dave Roberts, and that first baseman who ran away with the 2004 world series ball as if he won the series. Theo is the guy who had the foresight to hold off throwing millions at aging stars Pedro Martinez and Johnny Damon who were nearing the end of their primes. Theo is the G.M. who sent Hanley Ramirez to the N.L. in exchange for the team's best regular season player (Mike Lowell) and their best post-season player (Josh Beckett). Theo has earned the right to stroll into Abe and Louies in ripped jeans and a tee-shirt at 8pm on a Saturday night and say "Give me the entire back room, 3 bottles of wine, the grilled swordfish and the filet mignon, and makes sure it's on the house." That's the kind of respect that you earn by winning.
(H)ideki Okajima, because his name is fun to say, and because he turned out to be a better pitcher in 2007 than his heavily hyped brother from another mother, Dice-K, who to be fair had a pretty good season. But Okajima was sensational in the early-going, proving to be a reliable middle-reliever while posting a phenomenal 2.22 e.r.a.
(I)nsects of Cleveland, who God sent down to Jacobs Field in the 8th inning of game 2 of the A.L.C.S. to swarm and attack all Yankee fielders and pithcers who dared try and get in the way of the Red Sox winning the world series. I bet Jeter is still rubbing afterbite all over himself. Too bad Clemens wasn't on the mound.
(J)osh Beckett, who won 20 regular season games as the ace of the Red Sox pitching staff. But his legend expanded in the playoffs, when he went 4-0 while saving the bullpen in his 30 innings of work. He victimized an assortment of Angels, Indians, and Rockies with 35 strikeouts, while lowering his career playoff e.r.a to 1.73. Now hurry up and get to Abe and Louies, because Theo's waiting for you.
(K)evin Garnett, for finally turning Boston into a 3 team sports town again (sorry Bruins). On the cover of every sports magazine in the country, KG is the new centerpiece of a team that just may be good enough to reach the N.B.A. finals. Nobody is happier about this than captain Paul Pierce, who now has the option of passing in the closing seconds rather than shooting fall-away jumpers over triple teams.
(L)ester (Jon), who's success must make even the most cynical of grouches smile. It was quite a year for the 23 year old, who overcame the struggle of his life by besting cancer, then for an encore threw 5 2/3 innings of 3 hit, shutout ball and picked up the victory in the world series clinching game 4. The Rockies' Garrett Atkins said it best, ". . . . His whole story is amazing. If you had to get beat by someone you have to be happy for that guy."
(M)att Ryan, the senior quarterback of an Eagle's squad that is making a legitimate run at the national title game. Showing strong leadership and poise under pressure, the Heisman candidate is the best B.C. quarterback since Doug Flutie.
(N)umber 6, or the amount of former Celtics now playing for the Minnesota Timberwolves. Kevin McHale must've seen something he liked about Boston's roster of misfits over the past 5 years. Certainly Sebastian Telfair brings a positive influence to the clubhouse, while Theo Ratliff will provide durability. The number would actually be 7, but McHale just acquired wiggling machine Antoine Walker from Miami in exchange for Ricky Davis and Mark Blount.
(O)rtiz and Ramirez, no first names needed. Yes, I am cheating including both of them here because I ran out of letters. No, it doesn't matter because 29 managers approach them as a 2-headed monster, each of whom must be planned for with the other in mind. Though not either's finest statistical season, there is no 3-4 combination in the majors that strikes such fear into opposing pithcers and fans. Manny's already punched his ticket to Cooperstown. Papi just needs to stay healthy.
(P)apelbon (Jonathan), whose competitive nature and undeterred focus have made him so good we may one day be telling our grandchildren about watching the most dominant closer of all-time. He throws like Ricky Vaughn and dances like Elaine Benes. We'll let the second part slide, because he's one of the most charasmatic athletes to come through this city in years.
(Q)uote machine Curt Schilling, who has probably pitched his final game as a member of the Red Sox. He is brash and arrogant with an opinion on everything, but few are better prepared. He doesn't make excuses and he always come to compete. At the end of the day, a team with Schilling, among the most clutch post-season pitchers in history, is better off than a team without him.
(R)ay Allen, whose arrival paved the way for an even bigger fish (Garnett) to land in Boston. It's been fairly quiet around Allen, which is just fine for the 7-time all-star, who has always been a team guy first, superstar second. Few players were genuinely excited about playing for the Celtics in June and July. Fewer still can shoot the ball like the former Jesus Shuttlesworth.
(S)tojakovic (Peja), the former Sacramento King 3-point shooting phenom, whose game has diminished to the point that he was recently described by a friend of mine as "fantasy herpes," while drafting teams for the upcoming fantasy basketball season. With a foundation of KG and Pierce, as well as Bosh, Boozer, and T-Mac, "McHaleRocks" is looking like a winner.
(T)om Brady, who is inching closer and closer to turning Boston's all-time fab four (Ted Williams, Bill Russell, Bobby Orr, & Larry Bird) into a fab five. His numbers (30 touchdown passes and only 2 interceptions) have been astounding in leading the Patriots to an undefeated 1st half of the season. Barring injury, Brady is likely to shatter multiple single-season records.
(U)nbelievably good fortune, which seems to carry over from season to season, team to team. Once the initial euphoria caused by Boston's most recent champion wears off, local fans will need to sit down, take a deep breath, and let it all sink in. Because it doesn't get much better than this.
(V)rabel (Mike), the powerful linebacker in his 7th season with the Patriots, has somehow turned into the team's best tight end. He has 8 offensive touchdowns under Belichick, and a combined 11 yards receiving! Are you paying attention coaches? The man has averaged 1.4 yards per catch. He goes into the game with the Pats on the 1 or 2 yard line and somehow everyone becomes perplexed when the whistle blows and Vrabel's holding the ball in the endzone. One of football's greatest unexplained mysteries that this continues to work.
(W)akefield (Tim), for proving his value time and time. The longest tenured member of the Red Sox (I was 14 when I first saw him pitch at Fenway), he does whatever the team needs, whether it's going 8 innings from the get-go, bailing out struggling pitchers in relief, sitting out the world series, or leading the pack in community service hours. I bet he'd even sell hot-dogs on off-days if they asked him to. You're the man Tim and if anyone says otherwise, throw a ball at their head and laugh aloud when it hits their balls.
(X)-Factor Randy Moss, who I confess has turned me. Moss used to be on my annual shit-list of athletes who got by on natural talent, but never seemed to go all-out for the losing squads they didn't care about (Vince Carter is still a charter member). But Moss seems reborn in New England, is producing at a higher level than anyone, and genuinely seems happy and motivated. He's a huge reason the Patriots haven't won a game by fewer than 17 points.
(Y)ouk. Kevin Youkilis worked as hard as anyone in 2007, consistently providing game-changing hits, while playing nearly flawless at first base. He didn't commit a single error all year, making it tough to justify sitting him for games 3 and 4 in Colorodo. But he didn't complain. He just chugged champagne.
(Z)elasko (Jeanne), for the most pathetic and insensitive post-game reporting this side of Jim Gray. Seriously, would anyone have blamed free-agent to be Mike Lowell for cracking her skull with his M.V.P. trophy? Let the guy enjoy the moment without having to endure idiotic questions like, "Is your heart still in Boston?" just minutes after having swept the Rockies on baseball's greatest stage. I suspect his heart will always be in Boston, regardless of where he chooses to play in 2008.
Congratulations to the 2007 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. May you continue your winning ways, and may the Yankees not win another title until 2086. See you Friday night at the Garden and Sunday in Indianapolis.
(A)lex Rodriguez, who after years of struggle finally managed to make headlines in the playoffs. Could this guy be more self-centered? Of all the athletes I never want to see in a Boston uniform, A-Rod has always been a top 5 guy since the bush-league slap on Bronson Arroyo. After Sunday, he stands alone at the top of the list.
(B)ill Belichick, the mastermind and "cheater" behind the N.F.L.'s dominant franchise. The early season controversy seems to be about the best thing that could've happened to the typically emotionless coach. The defense has been dominant, while the offense has been unstoppable, never more so than in last week's 52-7 thrashing of the hapless Washington Redskins. I mean, 52-7? That's a Madden 2000 score!
(C)harles Barkley, for providing a year's worth of quotes in a single evening on Conan O'Brien. The best: "Guys who play football, they were guys who wasn't good enough to play basketball." The runnerup, while describing the 1986 Celtics: "They were probably, other than the Lakers, the second best team I ever played against, but they was not pretty people."
(D)ustin Pedroia, who should be a unanimous pick for A.L. Rookie of the Year. Years of searching for a second baseman are officially over, despite the fact that Pedroia couldn't beat Cecil Fielder in a foot-race. It's always great to root for the little guy.
(E)agles of Boston College. They are playing so well that for the first time ever, about 20% of New England residents are showing a steady interest in the B.C.S. Defying the naysayers week after week, would it still surprise you if this bunch took down Ohio St. or LSU? (Ok, it still would, but we can hope).
(F)rancona (Terry), the single most underrated manager in the game. The man exhibits more class than anyone, while simultaneously regulating Schilling's ego and Manny's unstable cranium. With 2 world series rings in 4 years, Tito has proven that it's time for the morons clogging up WEEI's phone lines to shut up and take a hike.
(G)eneral manager Theo Epstein, for showing guts and savvy time and time again in spite of being kicked in the nuts repeatedly by on-air personalities and fans. Theo is the man who traded 2-time batting champ Nomar Garciaparra and brought in Orlando Cabrera, Dave Roberts, and that first baseman who ran away with the 2004 world series ball as if he won the series. Theo is the guy who had the foresight to hold off throwing millions at aging stars Pedro Martinez and Johnny Damon who were nearing the end of their primes. Theo is the G.M. who sent Hanley Ramirez to the N.L. in exchange for the team's best regular season player (Mike Lowell) and their best post-season player (Josh Beckett). Theo has earned the right to stroll into Abe and Louies in ripped jeans and a tee-shirt at 8pm on a Saturday night and say "Give me the entire back room, 3 bottles of wine, the grilled swordfish and the filet mignon, and makes sure it's on the house." That's the kind of respect that you earn by winning.
(H)ideki Okajima, because his name is fun to say, and because he turned out to be a better pitcher in 2007 than his heavily hyped brother from another mother, Dice-K, who to be fair had a pretty good season. But Okajima was sensational in the early-going, proving to be a reliable middle-reliever while posting a phenomenal 2.22 e.r.a.
(I)nsects of Cleveland, who God sent down to Jacobs Field in the 8th inning of game 2 of the A.L.C.S. to swarm and attack all Yankee fielders and pithcers who dared try and get in the way of the Red Sox winning the world series. I bet Jeter is still rubbing afterbite all over himself. Too bad Clemens wasn't on the mound.
(J)osh Beckett, who won 20 regular season games as the ace of the Red Sox pitching staff. But his legend expanded in the playoffs, when he went 4-0 while saving the bullpen in his 30 innings of work. He victimized an assortment of Angels, Indians, and Rockies with 35 strikeouts, while lowering his career playoff e.r.a to 1.73. Now hurry up and get to Abe and Louies, because Theo's waiting for you.
(K)evin Garnett, for finally turning Boston into a 3 team sports town again (sorry Bruins). On the cover of every sports magazine in the country, KG is the new centerpiece of a team that just may be good enough to reach the N.B.A. finals. Nobody is happier about this than captain Paul Pierce, who now has the option of passing in the closing seconds rather than shooting fall-away jumpers over triple teams.
(L)ester (Jon), who's success must make even the most cynical of grouches smile. It was quite a year for the 23 year old, who overcame the struggle of his life by besting cancer, then for an encore threw 5 2/3 innings of 3 hit, shutout ball and picked up the victory in the world series clinching game 4. The Rockies' Garrett Atkins said it best, ". . . . His whole story is amazing. If you had to get beat by someone you have to be happy for that guy."
(M)att Ryan, the senior quarterback of an Eagle's squad that is making a legitimate run at the national title game. Showing strong leadership and poise under pressure, the Heisman candidate is the best B.C. quarterback since Doug Flutie.
(N)umber 6, or the amount of former Celtics now playing for the Minnesota Timberwolves. Kevin McHale must've seen something he liked about Boston's roster of misfits over the past 5 years. Certainly Sebastian Telfair brings a positive influence to the clubhouse, while Theo Ratliff will provide durability. The number would actually be 7, but McHale just acquired wiggling machine Antoine Walker from Miami in exchange for Ricky Davis and Mark Blount.
(O)rtiz and Ramirez, no first names needed. Yes, I am cheating including both of them here because I ran out of letters. No, it doesn't matter because 29 managers approach them as a 2-headed monster, each of whom must be planned for with the other in mind. Though not either's finest statistical season, there is no 3-4 combination in the majors that strikes such fear into opposing pithcers and fans. Manny's already punched his ticket to Cooperstown. Papi just needs to stay healthy.
(P)apelbon (Jonathan), whose competitive nature and undeterred focus have made him so good we may one day be telling our grandchildren about watching the most dominant closer of all-time. He throws like Ricky Vaughn and dances like Elaine Benes. We'll let the second part slide, because he's one of the most charasmatic athletes to come through this city in years.
(Q)uote machine Curt Schilling, who has probably pitched his final game as a member of the Red Sox. He is brash and arrogant with an opinion on everything, but few are better prepared. He doesn't make excuses and he always come to compete. At the end of the day, a team with Schilling, among the most clutch post-season pitchers in history, is better off than a team without him.
(R)ay Allen, whose arrival paved the way for an even bigger fish (Garnett) to land in Boston. It's been fairly quiet around Allen, which is just fine for the 7-time all-star, who has always been a team guy first, superstar second. Few players were genuinely excited about playing for the Celtics in June and July. Fewer still can shoot the ball like the former Jesus Shuttlesworth.
(S)tojakovic (Peja), the former Sacramento King 3-point shooting phenom, whose game has diminished to the point that he was recently described by a friend of mine as "fantasy herpes," while drafting teams for the upcoming fantasy basketball season. With a foundation of KG and Pierce, as well as Bosh, Boozer, and T-Mac, "McHaleRocks" is looking like a winner.
(T)om Brady, who is inching closer and closer to turning Boston's all-time fab four (Ted Williams, Bill Russell, Bobby Orr, & Larry Bird) into a fab five. His numbers (30 touchdown passes and only 2 interceptions) have been astounding in leading the Patriots to an undefeated 1st half of the season. Barring injury, Brady is likely to shatter multiple single-season records.
(U)nbelievably good fortune, which seems to carry over from season to season, team to team. Once the initial euphoria caused by Boston's most recent champion wears off, local fans will need to sit down, take a deep breath, and let it all sink in. Because it doesn't get much better than this.
(V)rabel (Mike), the powerful linebacker in his 7th season with the Patriots, has somehow turned into the team's best tight end. He has 8 offensive touchdowns under Belichick, and a combined 11 yards receiving! Are you paying attention coaches? The man has averaged 1.4 yards per catch. He goes into the game with the Pats on the 1 or 2 yard line and somehow everyone becomes perplexed when the whistle blows and Vrabel's holding the ball in the endzone. One of football's greatest unexplained mysteries that this continues to work.
(W)akefield (Tim), for proving his value time and time. The longest tenured member of the Red Sox (I was 14 when I first saw him pitch at Fenway), he does whatever the team needs, whether it's going 8 innings from the get-go, bailing out struggling pitchers in relief, sitting out the world series, or leading the pack in community service hours. I bet he'd even sell hot-dogs on off-days if they asked him to. You're the man Tim and if anyone says otherwise, throw a ball at their head and laugh aloud when it hits their balls.
(X)-Factor Randy Moss, who I confess has turned me. Moss used to be on my annual shit-list of athletes who got by on natural talent, but never seemed to go all-out for the losing squads they didn't care about (Vince Carter is still a charter member). But Moss seems reborn in New England, is producing at a higher level than anyone, and genuinely seems happy and motivated. He's a huge reason the Patriots haven't won a game by fewer than 17 points.
(Y)ouk. Kevin Youkilis worked as hard as anyone in 2007, consistently providing game-changing hits, while playing nearly flawless at first base. He didn't commit a single error all year, making it tough to justify sitting him for games 3 and 4 in Colorodo. But he didn't complain. He just chugged champagne.
(Z)elasko (Jeanne), for the most pathetic and insensitive post-game reporting this side of Jim Gray. Seriously, would anyone have blamed free-agent to be Mike Lowell for cracking her skull with his M.V.P. trophy? Let the guy enjoy the moment without having to endure idiotic questions like, "Is your heart still in Boston?" just minutes after having swept the Rockies on baseball's greatest stage. I suspect his heart will always be in Boston, regardless of where he chooses to play in 2008.
Congratulations to the 2007 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. May you continue your winning ways, and may the Yankees not win another title until 2086. See you Friday night at the Garden and Sunday in Indianapolis.
Monday, September 24, 2007
To Protect and To Serve?
I used to think the police existed to help people. That’s it, nothing fancy. Through my 6 year old eyes I saw their blue and white vehicles, the walkie-talkies they held close to call for help, and the guns in their holsters in case bad guys tried to get me. They circled neighborhood blocks wearing the proud emblem “To Protect and To Serve.” Unfortunately, whoever originated that tag line left out a few choice words. I suppose I understand the reasoning. Police cars with “To Protect the Cities Budget and To Serve Parking Tickets” written on the door wouldn’t instill much confidence in its citizens. In fact, they’d probably run from the police as they would from a street gang. The parallels between these 2 groups are uncanny. They both have weapons, they usually work in teams, and they’ve come to steal our money.
Now if I sound a little harsh, allow me to clarify that I don’t blame the police entirely. They didn’t make these rules, they just abide by them. Luca Brasi never went out and killed anybody ‘because he was looking for kicks on a Friday night. He waited until he was sent for by Don Corleone, who then instructed him accordingly. Police officers get their assignments from their superiors, just like anyone who works in an office building, movie theatre, or restaurant. You aren’t allowed to make independent decisions, and if you are you must do so within a certain set of guidelines. One’s moral values or conscience don’t typically factor into the equation. When you decide you can no longer work under these restrictions, that’s the day you quit your job.
Unfortunately, most if not all decisions made by owners, business leaders, politicians, and state officials are about money. I used to think police officers were different. Like firefighters, they are revered in our culture as those who help people. Regrettably, I’ve seen, heard and experienced far too many situations in recent years that make me doubt their integrity. About 2 weeks ago, a girl and her friends were lost around 3 am in a part of the city so sketchy they couldn’t even get a cab to stop. They approached a near-by police car with 2 men chatting and sipping their coffee. The girl asked them if it would be possible to take them where they needed to go, only about a 5 minute drive. They said no. They must have been very busy at this time of night. The girl next asked them nervously if she and her friends would be safe standing where they were in this neighborhood. The driver shrugged his shoulders and responded indifferently, “you should be aright.” Translation: ‘It’s not my job to worry about you. I’m paid to sit right here.’ If this tale doesn't inspire your confidence in our police-force, maybe this one will.
A different friend, someone who is about as responsible as they come, parked overnight on a busy downtown street. On the way to move his car at 7:30am the next morning (parking meters activate at 8am), he discovered that virtually all cars had disappeared on his side of the street. He scrambled to find a sign other than the legitimate resident parking one in front of where his car had been parked. He walked a full city block to find a smaller sign, covered by leaves, which read “Street Cleaning, 5am-7am” for that particular day. Speaking of which, has anybody ever actually seen a city street being cleaned? Am I crazy or do the streets always look the same? Could the whole business of street cleaning be a myth perpetuated for the purpose of ticketing?
Anyway, my friend ran back to his apartment, searching for the names of towing companies (since nobody is ever notified where their car is taken) until he found the bastards who had it. He eventually got a ride from a friend whom he subsequently made late for work. Upon arriving and paying a ludicrous $110 towing fee, he asked the pawn at the cashier window if they’ve always towed cars for parking in a street cleaning area. She answered no, they used to merely ticket, but this was kind of a new trend as police were cracking down. After making his way to his car, my friend found that awful orange rectangle stuck in his windshield wiper. What the hell was this? He got a $40 ticket in addition to the original $110! He went back to the window perplexed and was dismayed to discover that this $40 was separate. To add insult to injury, the woman explained that the city contacted their towing company only weeks earlier and told them to tour that very street weekly and take any cars "in the wrong" without warning. They never used to tow unless they were called, but now they were supposed to go out of their way to look for cars parked illegally? My friend decided to contest the ticket for multiple reasons, though his appeal will undoubtedly be read once, laughed at, and responded to in the most perfunctory fashion without justification. “Your appeal was denied. Please pay an egregious sum of money to the city of Boston.”
Is the primary goal of trained police men and women to make money for the city? To ticket it’s hard working citizens and make life as inconvenient as possible? An acquaintance of a friend of mine who used to be a cop said he had been expected to meet or at least approach a certain monthly quota for number of tickets given. Typing that last sentence nearly made me vomit. What do they do with these thousands and thousands of dollars that come in every day? Does the police chief fly to Vegas and throw $300,000 down on red 19 at the roulette table? Do all the cops in the city meet in an abandoned warehouse and throw a party, drinking champagne and laughing at the average Joe’s who paid for it?
“Good evening Officer Smith, would you like steak or lobster tonight?”
“It feels like a surf-n-turf night captain.”
I suppose joking about these situations is my way of coping and preventing me from becoming angrier than I already am. Was it always this way? I’d like to think not. The 9 year-old version of me didn’t read any books entitled “Officer Johnson Tickets a Buick” or “The Berenstein Bears Visit the Office of the Parking Clerk.” But watching my youthful exuberance slowly deteriorate, maturing (God, I hate that word!) into the somewhat resentful 26 year old I am now, I have to wonder. To quote Jerry Maguire, “We live in a cynical world.” However, I don’t think people are inherently cynical. Rather, we conduct our lives, develop our personalities, and form our opinions as a result of the society we live in. And unfortunately, ours continues to reinforce a slogan we'd all be better off without; "It's all about the money."
Now if I sound a little harsh, allow me to clarify that I don’t blame the police entirely. They didn’t make these rules, they just abide by them. Luca Brasi never went out and killed anybody ‘because he was looking for kicks on a Friday night. He waited until he was sent for by Don Corleone, who then instructed him accordingly. Police officers get their assignments from their superiors, just like anyone who works in an office building, movie theatre, or restaurant. You aren’t allowed to make independent decisions, and if you are you must do so within a certain set of guidelines. One’s moral values or conscience don’t typically factor into the equation. When you decide you can no longer work under these restrictions, that’s the day you quit your job.
Unfortunately, most if not all decisions made by owners, business leaders, politicians, and state officials are about money. I used to think police officers were different. Like firefighters, they are revered in our culture as those who help people. Regrettably, I’ve seen, heard and experienced far too many situations in recent years that make me doubt their integrity. About 2 weeks ago, a girl and her friends were lost around 3 am in a part of the city so sketchy they couldn’t even get a cab to stop. They approached a near-by police car with 2 men chatting and sipping their coffee. The girl asked them if it would be possible to take them where they needed to go, only about a 5 minute drive. They said no. They must have been very busy at this time of night. The girl next asked them nervously if she and her friends would be safe standing where they were in this neighborhood. The driver shrugged his shoulders and responded indifferently, “you should be aright.” Translation: ‘It’s not my job to worry about you. I’m paid to sit right here.’ If this tale doesn't inspire your confidence in our police-force, maybe this one will.
A different friend, someone who is about as responsible as they come, parked overnight on a busy downtown street. On the way to move his car at 7:30am the next morning (parking meters activate at 8am), he discovered that virtually all cars had disappeared on his side of the street. He scrambled to find a sign other than the legitimate resident parking one in front of where his car had been parked. He walked a full city block to find a smaller sign, covered by leaves, which read “Street Cleaning, 5am-7am” for that particular day. Speaking of which, has anybody ever actually seen a city street being cleaned? Am I crazy or do the streets always look the same? Could the whole business of street cleaning be a myth perpetuated for the purpose of ticketing?
Anyway, my friend ran back to his apartment, searching for the names of towing companies (since nobody is ever notified where their car is taken) until he found the bastards who had it. He eventually got a ride from a friend whom he subsequently made late for work. Upon arriving and paying a ludicrous $110 towing fee, he asked the pawn at the cashier window if they’ve always towed cars for parking in a street cleaning area. She answered no, they used to merely ticket, but this was kind of a new trend as police were cracking down. After making his way to his car, my friend found that awful orange rectangle stuck in his windshield wiper. What the hell was this? He got a $40 ticket in addition to the original $110! He went back to the window perplexed and was dismayed to discover that this $40 was separate. To add insult to injury, the woman explained that the city contacted their towing company only weeks earlier and told them to tour that very street weekly and take any cars "in the wrong" without warning. They never used to tow unless they were called, but now they were supposed to go out of their way to look for cars parked illegally? My friend decided to contest the ticket for multiple reasons, though his appeal will undoubtedly be read once, laughed at, and responded to in the most perfunctory fashion without justification. “Your appeal was denied. Please pay an egregious sum of money to the city of Boston.”
Is the primary goal of trained police men and women to make money for the city? To ticket it’s hard working citizens and make life as inconvenient as possible? An acquaintance of a friend of mine who used to be a cop said he had been expected to meet or at least approach a certain monthly quota for number of tickets given. Typing that last sentence nearly made me vomit. What do they do with these thousands and thousands of dollars that come in every day? Does the police chief fly to Vegas and throw $300,000 down on red 19 at the roulette table? Do all the cops in the city meet in an abandoned warehouse and throw a party, drinking champagne and laughing at the average Joe’s who paid for it?
“Good evening Officer Smith, would you like steak or lobster tonight?”
“It feels like a surf-n-turf night captain.”
I suppose joking about these situations is my way of coping and preventing me from becoming angrier than I already am. Was it always this way? I’d like to think not. The 9 year-old version of me didn’t read any books entitled “Officer Johnson Tickets a Buick” or “The Berenstein Bears Visit the Office of the Parking Clerk.” But watching my youthful exuberance slowly deteriorate, maturing (God, I hate that word!) into the somewhat resentful 26 year old I am now, I have to wonder. To quote Jerry Maguire, “We live in a cynical world.” However, I don’t think people are inherently cynical. Rather, we conduct our lives, develop our personalities, and form our opinions as a result of the society we live in. And unfortunately, ours continues to reinforce a slogan we'd all be better off without; "It's all about the money."
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