I've never been the world's biggest football fan. I don't watch college at all, and I only sometimes watch non-Patriots games. The Saint's involvement in this year's playoffs has been a major source of interest, both because T hails from Slidell, as well as the human interest in something of this magnitude happening for the city of New Orleans. The presence of the game's premiere talent (Peyton Manning) also carries weight. The NFC title game 2 weeks ago was monumental and if we are lucky, this year's Super Bowl will come close. But the games have always been a mixed bag, not just for the contest itself, but for the commercials, the half-time shows, and venues for watching the big one. For every Rams/Titans nail-biter, there is a Bucs/Raiders massacre that is over by the end of the 1st quarter. For every Springsteen dominated half-time, there is a series of creepy baby ads. A brief history then of some highs and lows from my personal viewing history . . .
1991: Buffalo Bills vs. Washington Redskins - The first Super Bowl I remember watching (at 10), I was excited to join a group of friends going to watch at JH's house. They had pizza and multiple TV's. Unfortunately, our host wasn't always the fairest of children and decided to ask each guest who he was rooting for upon entering his front door. Being behind Washington, those fans would gather downstairs in the basement with more space and the largest TV. The unfortunate handful of friends rooting for Buffalo were instructed to march directly to his mother's bedroom to watch in seclusion. I'm not kidding! Not only did I (along with 3 others) have to suffer the indignity of cheering for the eventual losers, we had to do so sitting on the edge of the bed belonging to our friend's mom. Giving in to this arrangement is not my proudest moment.
1996: Green Bay Packers vs. New England Patriots - Excitement filled the air in Boston, especially since no local team had reached its respective sport's final game in a decade. Along with 3 camp friends we drove to a party hosted by Cedar's owner, but the consensus after 30 minutes was we'd rather be elsewhere. I went home and joined my extended family, only to have the air lifted out of the room as Desmond Howard ran back about 14 balls for touchdowns if memory serves (it felt like that many). Quality pepperoni pies from the eternally underrated Newton Centre establishment "Pizza Man" softened the blow, even as our Bledsoe led troops lost 35-14.
2000: Baltimore Ravens vs. New York Giants - Yah, didn't really make it through this one. A college dorm party featuring 2 kegs and a suspect cooked ham ended my night around the 5 minutes mark of the 2nd quarter. I was literally unconscious when I felt my roommate CK poking my sides to move. I stumbled back to my dorm room with a little help from my friends and passed out fully dressed around 8pm. For what it's worth I picked the right game to miss. The Ravens/Giants debacle is perhaps the most lopsided Super Bowl of my lifetime. The night ended up being most memorable for my mom nervously wondering if I was going to die after my roommate telling her I'd fallen asleep at halftime. Bear in mind this was perhaps 1 of 5 nights total in which I fell asleep before 2AM during college. Needless to say, mom was relieved to hear from me the following afternoon.
2001: St. Louis Rams vs. New England Patriots - A low key year with only a single roommate (one was at the game live), SC and I watched with anticipation as my local boys jumped out to an early lead over the heavily favored Rams offense. We'd decided to chase some leftover codeine pills from my recent wisdom tooth surgery with my favored Coors lite, which did nothing at first, though we were mumbling jibberish after a while. Unfortunately, my dumb-ass also decided to eat an entire carton of chicken lomein, the combined effects of which forced me into the bathroom before U2's exemplary half-time show. I missed the entire 3rd quarter in the deserted Jackson Hall bathroom, returning only to find Kurt Warner and his troops charging back. But Adam Vinateri's dramatic heroics sent me running outside into the snow covered field and cheering triumphantly, soon matched by several Pats fans. It was pretty awesome, and led to a tremendous tee-shirt prize featuring the phrase, "The Silence of the Rams."
2007: New England Patriots vs. New York Giants - Ummm, yeah not much to say. A disastrous end to a brilliant season, in which David Tyree cheated by pouring a bucket of super glue all over the front of his helmet to catch an impossible pass from the Manning who looks slightly retarded. This game received it's own blog, though it was a fun night until the final minute, surrounded by good friends who all contributed to a pot-luck feast. I'm still knocking on wood that our gracious host AM, who took the loss a tad harder than the rest of us, didn't jump off his 10th floor balcony landing on an unsuspecting cab on Causeway St. Given the game result, the highlight of the night surely had to be T's superb baked salami. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
That just about brings us up to speed. The Patriots won 2 more, besting the Panthers & Eagles by a field goal apiece, cementing their status as the team of the decade. The Colts beat the Bears, bucking the trend that great defense always beats great offense. Janet Jackson flashed her goodies in a blink-and-you-miss-it moment prompting approximately 49 DVR rewinds in my parent's basement. And the Steelers bested Arizona in a 2009 contest that may have been the best of all. But this year it's just T and me (I know I'm supposed to use "I," but I like words that rhyme). We're rooting for New Orleans and for a good game. So far the best commercial by far involved a young black kid smacking an adult across the face as a warning not to touch his Doritos. I laughed aloud and know exactly how he feels. Other early winners involved the Lebron James/Dwight Howard update of the famous Larry Bird/Michael Jordan H.O.R.S.E. contest for McDonalds (with a "Legend" cameo), Betty White getting tackled in a Snickers ad, and the "Casual Friday's" ad for careerbuilder.com featuring employees celebrating in their underwear. Time to make some wings and cheer on a group of 75-year old British rock stars, whom my Dad just proclaimed look so old it might as well be him up there on stage.
"Teenage Wasteland!"
Enjoy the 2nd half.
P.S. T just taught me how to properly sing the "Who dat?" chant. I sound like a fool, but am now one with the culture.
Edit: Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints
Edit #2: A lot of people were itching for Manning to win a 2nd bowl, which would've helped justify their assertion that Manning had surpassed Brady as the great quarterback of his era. Funny how I don't hear a word from any of them today :)
Reel Opinions on Movies
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Kobe's Place
Well, I suppose I was right about one detail regarding the NBA finals. The Orlando Magic did indeed determine the winner. As soon as I saw the match up, I believed that ultimately if Orlando shot threes with the effectiveness they did against Boston and Cleveland, they'd win the title in six or seven games. But their shooting cooled off, their stars were outplayed (Hedo Turkoglu is about to become the most overpaid player in professional sports), and they forgot to guard Trevor Ariza and Derek Fisher. This, combined with those infamous missed Dwight Howard free throws cost them at least two wins in this series. But while I'm not thrilled to see the Lakers win #15, I'm not gonna rip them. They played really, really well, as Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom rebounded from poor finals showings in 2008. Gasol got tougher and Odom became a defensive beast. Fisher is now an indisputable fixture on my top 10 list of role players anyone should want on their contending team. I still don't like Phil Jackson very much, although it's pretty much impossible to argue his record at this point. His psychological "coach-by-observing" approach seems to work. His team was always prepared and kept their cool in all situations. He's basically Terry Francona with an unhealthy cloud of arrogance hovering over his head that makes me want to break his glasses with my fist.
And then there's Kobe Bryant, the superstar many claimed was no longer the league's best. Like many, I decided Lebron James had passed him somewhere around the midway point of the 2008 regular season. My opinion appeared confirmed by Cleveland's early round dominance combined with L.A.'s struggle to eliminate the injury-plagued Houston Rockets. As a player, I've been a Kobe fan for a long time and there's still nobody I'd rather watch live. I suppose the best compliment I can give him now is he's renewed my indecisiveness over who's truly the league's best. A 4th title puts him in rare company and he dominated the finals with a remarkably efficient stat line (32 pts, 5 rebs, 7 asts) that was eerily similar to Michael Jordan's playoff numbers. Additional comparison: Kobe's hanging, body distorting, fading bank shot over Howard last night was maybe as defining a play as MJ's hand-switch in the '91 finals. (Kobe's wasn't as aesthetically pleasing, but it was more difficult). All season long I thought Lebron had basically been a 1-man team with an overrated supporting cast, so it becomes a bit tougher to judge his season in hindsight. He deserved his MVP and if I had to choose him or Kobe for the next three years I'd still choose Lebron. But he's got a long way to go before he catches Kobe historically.
In fairness, I can't honestly evaluate the greats of decades ago. Other than stats and rings in the history books, how can I really place guys like Russell, Chamberlain, Robertson, West, Pettit, Cousy, Barry, Gervin, Havlicek, Baylor, Reed, M.Malone, Jabbar, & Dr.J? Even with rivals Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, I remember stories and highlights more than live games, having been too young to watch each until well past his prime. Thus, I'll rank only players who’s professional careers began after I was born (1981 draft and beyond). Being that most players don't hit their peaks until five or six years into their careers, I'm content to call this the top 12 players of the last quarter century. This will also give Kobe a fair shake since few if any basketball historians would dare place him on par with either Magic or Bird, whether his body of work warranted that praise or not.
Honorable Mention; with every list there's always close calls and tough choices to make. The top 5 were actually incredibly easy to separate from the rest of the pack. Spots 6-12 were far more challenging, as was keeping the next group to 25 (I easily could’ve done a top 40, but at some point the list becomes cheapened. Here are those who missed the cut and how I'd rank them from lowest to highest . . .
Note: Several really good players were limited by spending so much time on the DL throughout their careers (i.e. Chris Webber, Grant Hill, Kevin Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, Chris Mullin, & Tracy McGrady, among others).
25. Tim Hardaway
24. Vince Carter (his stats surprised me)
23. Steve Nash
22. Dirk Nowitzki
21. Gary Payton
20. Dominique Wilkens
19. Dwayne Wade
18. Paul Pierce (I'm slightly biased, but it's not a big stretch)
17. Jason Kidd
16. Clyde Drexler
15. Patrick Ewing
14. John Stockton
13. Scottie Pippen
Pippen was the single toughest omission overall. He won 6 titles as MJ's sidekick and was inarguably the best defensive wing player of his generation. But while he put up strong numbers he was never dominant enough to win on his own. This fact represents either his most telling trait or makes him the ultimate victim of circumstance. Either way this ambiguity keeps him out of the top 12.
The Physical Freaks:
12. Allen Iverson: I kept looking for excuses to keep him off the list, but kept returning to his stats and durability (considering the hits he’s taken). AI is not only the most culturally relevant player since MJ, he’s also become the most dominant offensive little man in the sport’s history. The former MVP and 10-time All-Star has averaged better than 27 points, 6 assists, and 2 steals a game for his career, and carried a weak 76er squad all the way to the finals on his back. Few guards ever created more havoc in the open court. And not since Nate Archibald in 1973 had any small guard won a scoring title. Iverson ended up winning 4 of them.
11. David Robinson: In many ways the anti-Iverson, Robinson selflessly kept his mouth shut and went about his business while maintaining a reputation as the league’s ultimate professional. He won a pair of rings once Duncan joined him in San Antonio, but Robinson’s most impressive years came earlier before sacrificing his stats. Possibly the most athletic big man ever, the Admiral was a yearly top 10 mainstay in points, rebounds, blocks, and steals (at 7’1”) and was equally dominant on both ends of the floor. He’s also one of only two players in history to win both a scoring title and a defensive player of year award in his career. The other? Michael Jordan.
10. Charles Barkley: Never winning a ring makes it a little tougher to defend Sir Charles than anyone else on the list (his closest opportunity came in 1993, when his Phoenix Suns lost to MJ’s Bulls in six). He suffered injury problems, occasional weight issues, and several public relations disasters. But for roughly a decade beginning in 1986, he was the league’s most entertaining and at times dangerous offensive player. Despite being only 6’4”, he was built like a bowling ball and destroyed opponents on the glass, around the paint, and on the fast break. The former MVP was also the best player on the 1992 Dream Team, a collection of the world’s best players, which included Jordan.
9. Lebron James: In many respects he already warrants higher placement. But with only seven seasons under his belt (and no rings as of yet), this seemed about right for the youngest star on the list. Not much to say really, except that nobody on this list has made my jaw drop as frequently as King James. He was so good this year (and nearly averaged a triple-double in the playoffs) that he tricked analysts into overestimating his teammates and coaching staff. Lebron has no ceiling and could wind up passing them all. Only health and motivation could hold him back, because he’s already unguardable at 24.
The 2nd Tier:
8. Kevin Garnett: Arguably the best defensive big man of his generation (and the game’s best help defender by a mile), Garnett is also the league’s most self-sacrificing superstar. With his work ethic, size, and versatility, there’s really no precedent for KG. He can shoot over anyone, has perfected the mid-range game, passes like a guard, and rebounds better than all but a handful of centers. The Big Ticket has strong numbers, but his stats don’t come close to telling the story. I really didn’t know how good he was until he joined the Celtics and transformed the team's entire style of play, including that of captain Paul Pierce. He leads by example (and occasionally with his mouth) like Bird once did. Another title would vault him to the brink of the top 5.
7. Karl Malone: I had to swallow my pride a little with the Mailman, who’s undoubtedly the most boring superstar ever to appear in a video game. His personality limited broader appeal to the masses and he never won a title (though he came really close twice). But his numbers astound. The most durable power forward of all-time (he missed 5 games in his first 13 seasons!); the 2-time MVP was also the best offensive player to ever play his position. He’s 2nd all-time to Jabbar in total points and minutes, ranks 6th among all rebounders, tops the list for free throws made and attempted, and even places 10th in steals! He was undoubtedly aided by playing with Stockton all those years, but the relationship was co-dependent and you don’t earn 11 consecutive All-NBA 1st team selections on luck.
6. Isiah Thomas: Forget that he's the only player in the top 12 without an (regular season) MVP to his name. Forget his gross incompetence as a coach, general manager, C.B.A. owner, television commentator, and sexual harasser. While his post-playing days now rival O.J. Simpson for potential mockery, ‘Zeke’ remains the most explosive point guard ever to lace up a pair of Nikes. Drafted in 1981, he’s the oldest player on the list and the only superstar here to lead his team to a title in the era of Bird/Magic/MJ (and he did it twice!). From 1982-'93, Thomas made 12 straight All-star appearances. A great passer who could beat anyone off the dribble, he is probably the finest ball handler in N.B.A. history. He had ice in his veins and was unflappable with the game on the line. Like KG, Thomas’s on-court play was more indicative of his legacy than his career totals.
The Top 5:
As stated earlier, distinguishing this group was relatively easy. They were all multiple championship winners, the best at their positions during their primes, and dominant across all aspects of the sport. But choosing the correct spot for Mr. Bryant was a ridiculous ordeal. He's the closest thing we've seen to Jordan, but can't quite match him. Does that make him #2 or keep him several notches below? With 4 titles to his credit he's equaled the two dominant big men of his generation, but he shared 3 titles with one of them. Let's get to it . . . . .
5. Hakeem Olajuwon: In terms of talent, Dream probably ranks ahead of even Duncan, but he won half as many titles (2). Still, one must compare each player with his competition. Once Jordan hit his peak, nobody else won period. But when MJ vacated his throne to pursue baseball in the mid-90s, it was Olajuwon who separated himself from his fellow superstars. Hakeem was the best passing and rebounding center of his era, and owned the best post moves in N.B.A. history among all players. He ranks 8th all-time in steals (the next center on the list ranks 42nd) and was the best shot blocker since Bill Russell. He leads this category by such an overwhelming amount that the leader among active players (Shaq) would need another 1,200 blocks to catch him. Olajuwon dominated with dignity and regularity.
4. Kobe Bryant: A 5th title would change things, but I’m content to place Kobe at #4 for now. He’s the smoothest and most fearless player in the league, and has a bigger chip on his shoulder than MJ did. Nobody scares opponents more with the game clock winding down. An occasionally brilliant passer, he’s perhaps the game’s best 1-on-1 wing defender, and arguably it’s most accomplished post-player (as a guard!). When he’s ‘on,’ opponents might as well take a bathroom break, because there’s no stopping him. But the “chicken and egg” effect of dominating the NBA with Shaq hurts him as at did Malone & Stockton (the latter of whom couldn't even crack the top 12). I suspect without Shaq, Kobe’s stats would look even better, but he’d have at least 2 fewer rings. Either way there are few professional athletes I have more respect for, ass-hole or not.
3. Shaquille O'neal: In many respects the Diesel is simply a bigger version of Barkley; stronger and more dominant, with an even larger personality and an equally suspect work ethic. But Shaq had distinguished himself with longevity and rings to match his considerable stats (averages of roughly 25 ppg, 11 reb, 2 blocks, & 58% from the field for his career). It’s amazing he’s still even remotely productive given the physical beating he’s taken since his rookie season in ’93. In his prime, O’neal was simply awesome, and there wasn’t a front court on Earth that could handle him. Shaq commanded double-coverage at all times and was a crunch time threat because of his passing ability, though his free-throw shooting was a considerable liability. His skill level and success rate are so close to my runner-up choice that I could’ve flipped a coin for positioning. But despite 4 rings and trips to 6 finals (which included back-to-back-to-back Finals MVP awards), he’s never had to do it alone. In fact it’s debatable whether he was even the best player on three of those teams (1995 Orl, 2004 LA, and 2006 Mia). Throw in a well-covered up but still prevalent “me-first” attitude that now leads him to his 5th team since entering the league, and I feel justified knocking him a notch below #2. That said, should he follow Lebron to a 5th ring in 2009, I won’t hesitate to swap places.
2. Tim Duncan: Nearly matches Malone and Webber in the battle of superstars who can suck all potential enjoyment from an hour playing “N.B.A. Live” in any year. However, Duncan has never played to fill a highlight reel. Despite the recent Celtic resurgence, I still wonder how many titles we might have won by now had the ping-pong balls gone our way back in ’97. Like Shaq, Duncan’s considerable regular season averages were even better in the playoffs. He didn’t score quite as much or dominate to the same extent in the paint, but he rebounded, passed, and defended just a bit better, and had a more polished offensive game, despite his own troubles at the line (though Shaq was far worse). Most importantly, Duncan’s finals record is flawless and his matching 4 wins came despite 5 fewer years in the league. His leadership or status as his team’s best player has never come into question (Robinson had been an aging star on the 1st team, Tony Parker an emerging star on the most recent one) and I’d argue he’s won more with less surrounding talent than any superstar of my lifetime. Though he now shows signs of aging, he’s always been both clutch and durable, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he adds another ring or two by the time he’s done.
1. Michael Jordan: No room for argument, unless Kobe wins two more.
And then there's Kobe Bryant, the superstar many claimed was no longer the league's best. Like many, I decided Lebron James had passed him somewhere around the midway point of the 2008 regular season. My opinion appeared confirmed by Cleveland's early round dominance combined with L.A.'s struggle to eliminate the injury-plagued Houston Rockets. As a player, I've been a Kobe fan for a long time and there's still nobody I'd rather watch live. I suppose the best compliment I can give him now is he's renewed my indecisiveness over who's truly the league's best. A 4th title puts him in rare company and he dominated the finals with a remarkably efficient stat line (32 pts, 5 rebs, 7 asts) that was eerily similar to Michael Jordan's playoff numbers. Additional comparison: Kobe's hanging, body distorting, fading bank shot over Howard last night was maybe as defining a play as MJ's hand-switch in the '91 finals. (Kobe's wasn't as aesthetically pleasing, but it was more difficult). All season long I thought Lebron had basically been a 1-man team with an overrated supporting cast, so it becomes a bit tougher to judge his season in hindsight. He deserved his MVP and if I had to choose him or Kobe for the next three years I'd still choose Lebron. But he's got a long way to go before he catches Kobe historically.
In fairness, I can't honestly evaluate the greats of decades ago. Other than stats and rings in the history books, how can I really place guys like Russell, Chamberlain, Robertson, West, Pettit, Cousy, Barry, Gervin, Havlicek, Baylor, Reed, M.Malone, Jabbar, & Dr.J? Even with rivals Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, I remember stories and highlights more than live games, having been too young to watch each until well past his prime. Thus, I'll rank only players who’s professional careers began after I was born (1981 draft and beyond). Being that most players don't hit their peaks until five or six years into their careers, I'm content to call this the top 12 players of the last quarter century. This will also give Kobe a fair shake since few if any basketball historians would dare place him on par with either Magic or Bird, whether his body of work warranted that praise or not.
Honorable Mention; with every list there's always close calls and tough choices to make. The top 5 were actually incredibly easy to separate from the rest of the pack. Spots 6-12 were far more challenging, as was keeping the next group to 25 (I easily could’ve done a top 40, but at some point the list becomes cheapened. Here are those who missed the cut and how I'd rank them from lowest to highest . . .
Note: Several really good players were limited by spending so much time on the DL throughout their careers (i.e. Chris Webber, Grant Hill, Kevin Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, Chris Mullin, & Tracy McGrady, among others).
25. Tim Hardaway
24. Vince Carter (his stats surprised me)
23. Steve Nash
22. Dirk Nowitzki
21. Gary Payton
20. Dominique Wilkens
19. Dwayne Wade
18. Paul Pierce (I'm slightly biased, but it's not a big stretch)
17. Jason Kidd
16. Clyde Drexler
15. Patrick Ewing
14. John Stockton
13. Scottie Pippen
Pippen was the single toughest omission overall. He won 6 titles as MJ's sidekick and was inarguably the best defensive wing player of his generation. But while he put up strong numbers he was never dominant enough to win on his own. This fact represents either his most telling trait or makes him the ultimate victim of circumstance. Either way this ambiguity keeps him out of the top 12.
The Physical Freaks:
12. Allen Iverson: I kept looking for excuses to keep him off the list, but kept returning to his stats and durability (considering the hits he’s taken). AI is not only the most culturally relevant player since MJ, he’s also become the most dominant offensive little man in the sport’s history. The former MVP and 10-time All-Star has averaged better than 27 points, 6 assists, and 2 steals a game for his career, and carried a weak 76er squad all the way to the finals on his back. Few guards ever created more havoc in the open court. And not since Nate Archibald in 1973 had any small guard won a scoring title. Iverson ended up winning 4 of them.
11. David Robinson: In many ways the anti-Iverson, Robinson selflessly kept his mouth shut and went about his business while maintaining a reputation as the league’s ultimate professional. He won a pair of rings once Duncan joined him in San Antonio, but Robinson’s most impressive years came earlier before sacrificing his stats. Possibly the most athletic big man ever, the Admiral was a yearly top 10 mainstay in points, rebounds, blocks, and steals (at 7’1”) and was equally dominant on both ends of the floor. He’s also one of only two players in history to win both a scoring title and a defensive player of year award in his career. The other? Michael Jordan.
10. Charles Barkley: Never winning a ring makes it a little tougher to defend Sir Charles than anyone else on the list (his closest opportunity came in 1993, when his Phoenix Suns lost to MJ’s Bulls in six). He suffered injury problems, occasional weight issues, and several public relations disasters. But for roughly a decade beginning in 1986, he was the league’s most entertaining and at times dangerous offensive player. Despite being only 6’4”, he was built like a bowling ball and destroyed opponents on the glass, around the paint, and on the fast break. The former MVP was also the best player on the 1992 Dream Team, a collection of the world’s best players, which included Jordan.
9. Lebron James: In many respects he already warrants higher placement. But with only seven seasons under his belt (and no rings as of yet), this seemed about right for the youngest star on the list. Not much to say really, except that nobody on this list has made my jaw drop as frequently as King James. He was so good this year (and nearly averaged a triple-double in the playoffs) that he tricked analysts into overestimating his teammates and coaching staff. Lebron has no ceiling and could wind up passing them all. Only health and motivation could hold him back, because he’s already unguardable at 24.
The 2nd Tier:
8. Kevin Garnett: Arguably the best defensive big man of his generation (and the game’s best help defender by a mile), Garnett is also the league’s most self-sacrificing superstar. With his work ethic, size, and versatility, there’s really no precedent for KG. He can shoot over anyone, has perfected the mid-range game, passes like a guard, and rebounds better than all but a handful of centers. The Big Ticket has strong numbers, but his stats don’t come close to telling the story. I really didn’t know how good he was until he joined the Celtics and transformed the team's entire style of play, including that of captain Paul Pierce. He leads by example (and occasionally with his mouth) like Bird once did. Another title would vault him to the brink of the top 5.
7. Karl Malone: I had to swallow my pride a little with the Mailman, who’s undoubtedly the most boring superstar ever to appear in a video game. His personality limited broader appeal to the masses and he never won a title (though he came really close twice). But his numbers astound. The most durable power forward of all-time (he missed 5 games in his first 13 seasons!); the 2-time MVP was also the best offensive player to ever play his position. He’s 2nd all-time to Jabbar in total points and minutes, ranks 6th among all rebounders, tops the list for free throws made and attempted, and even places 10th in steals! He was undoubtedly aided by playing with Stockton all those years, but the relationship was co-dependent and you don’t earn 11 consecutive All-NBA 1st team selections on luck.
6. Isiah Thomas: Forget that he's the only player in the top 12 without an (regular season) MVP to his name. Forget his gross incompetence as a coach, general manager, C.B.A. owner, television commentator, and sexual harasser. While his post-playing days now rival O.J. Simpson for potential mockery, ‘Zeke’ remains the most explosive point guard ever to lace up a pair of Nikes. Drafted in 1981, he’s the oldest player on the list and the only superstar here to lead his team to a title in the era of Bird/Magic/MJ (and he did it twice!). From 1982-'93, Thomas made 12 straight All-star appearances. A great passer who could beat anyone off the dribble, he is probably the finest ball handler in N.B.A. history. He had ice in his veins and was unflappable with the game on the line. Like KG, Thomas’s on-court play was more indicative of his legacy than his career totals.
The Top 5:
As stated earlier, distinguishing this group was relatively easy. They were all multiple championship winners, the best at their positions during their primes, and dominant across all aspects of the sport. But choosing the correct spot for Mr. Bryant was a ridiculous ordeal. He's the closest thing we've seen to Jordan, but can't quite match him. Does that make him #2 or keep him several notches below? With 4 titles to his credit he's equaled the two dominant big men of his generation, but he shared 3 titles with one of them. Let's get to it . . . . .
5. Hakeem Olajuwon: In terms of talent, Dream probably ranks ahead of even Duncan, but he won half as many titles (2). Still, one must compare each player with his competition. Once Jordan hit his peak, nobody else won period. But when MJ vacated his throne to pursue baseball in the mid-90s, it was Olajuwon who separated himself from his fellow superstars. Hakeem was the best passing and rebounding center of his era, and owned the best post moves in N.B.A. history among all players. He ranks 8th all-time in steals (the next center on the list ranks 42nd) and was the best shot blocker since Bill Russell. He leads this category by such an overwhelming amount that the leader among active players (Shaq) would need another 1,200 blocks to catch him. Olajuwon dominated with dignity and regularity.
4. Kobe Bryant: A 5th title would change things, but I’m content to place Kobe at #4 for now. He’s the smoothest and most fearless player in the league, and has a bigger chip on his shoulder than MJ did. Nobody scares opponents more with the game clock winding down. An occasionally brilliant passer, he’s perhaps the game’s best 1-on-1 wing defender, and arguably it’s most accomplished post-player (as a guard!). When he’s ‘on,’ opponents might as well take a bathroom break, because there’s no stopping him. But the “chicken and egg” effect of dominating the NBA with Shaq hurts him as at did Malone & Stockton (the latter of whom couldn't even crack the top 12). I suspect without Shaq, Kobe’s stats would look even better, but he’d have at least 2 fewer rings. Either way there are few professional athletes I have more respect for, ass-hole or not.
3. Shaquille O'neal: In many respects the Diesel is simply a bigger version of Barkley; stronger and more dominant, with an even larger personality and an equally suspect work ethic. But Shaq had distinguished himself with longevity and rings to match his considerable stats (averages of roughly 25 ppg, 11 reb, 2 blocks, & 58% from the field for his career). It’s amazing he’s still even remotely productive given the physical beating he’s taken since his rookie season in ’93. In his prime, O’neal was simply awesome, and there wasn’t a front court on Earth that could handle him. Shaq commanded double-coverage at all times and was a crunch time threat because of his passing ability, though his free-throw shooting was a considerable liability. His skill level and success rate are so close to my runner-up choice that I could’ve flipped a coin for positioning. But despite 4 rings and trips to 6 finals (which included back-to-back-to-back Finals MVP awards), he’s never had to do it alone. In fact it’s debatable whether he was even the best player on three of those teams (1995 Orl, 2004 LA, and 2006 Mia). Throw in a well-covered up but still prevalent “me-first” attitude that now leads him to his 5th team since entering the league, and I feel justified knocking him a notch below #2. That said, should he follow Lebron to a 5th ring in 2009, I won’t hesitate to swap places.
2. Tim Duncan: Nearly matches Malone and Webber in the battle of superstars who can suck all potential enjoyment from an hour playing “N.B.A. Live” in any year. However, Duncan has never played to fill a highlight reel. Despite the recent Celtic resurgence, I still wonder how many titles we might have won by now had the ping-pong balls gone our way back in ’97. Like Shaq, Duncan’s considerable regular season averages were even better in the playoffs. He didn’t score quite as much or dominate to the same extent in the paint, but he rebounded, passed, and defended just a bit better, and had a more polished offensive game, despite his own troubles at the line (though Shaq was far worse). Most importantly, Duncan’s finals record is flawless and his matching 4 wins came despite 5 fewer years in the league. His leadership or status as his team’s best player has never come into question (Robinson had been an aging star on the 1st team, Tony Parker an emerging star on the most recent one) and I’d argue he’s won more with less surrounding talent than any superstar of my lifetime. Though he now shows signs of aging, he’s always been both clutch and durable, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he adds another ring or two by the time he’s done.
1. Michael Jordan: No room for argument, unless Kobe wins two more.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson Shocks the World
As human beings, our reactions shock us. It's rare that a celebrity death elicits a response we didn't know was inside us. But after hearing confirmed reports of Michael Jackson's death at age fifty tonight, I'm stuck in a state of melancholy. Few events cause me to stop everything and write. Of course I know all about the criminal allegations, the mysterious Neverland Ranch, the psychological issues, that odd high-pitched laugh and his constantly evolving skin color. But I'm honestly not thinking about any of that. Jokes I would've expected to come easily and in rapid succession are absent. Michael Jackson is dead!
It almost seems too unbelievable to be true. You know you're a big deal when your death relegates Farrah Fawcett's to footnote status (and between the two of them I didn't think T would ever be able to stop the water works). But Jackson transcended stardom. In many ways he was a larger-than-life figure to the point that upon hearing early reports of his cardiac arrest, I thought it to be hoax. Would anyone be all that surprised if we found out two weeks from now that the King of Pop was in fact perfectly fine, and used his clout to create a media tidal-wave to promote his big summer comeback tour? It's a ridiculous theory, but doesn't MJ seem like the one celebrity who could've conceivably pulled that off? Michael had after all been a star since 1966, when he was lead singer for the Jackson 5 at age eight! And despite his latter years being marked by tabloid rumors and punch lines, just four hours after tickets for his latest tour went on sale, he'd sold an astonishing 75,000 of them. You simply can't fake that kind of talent.
I'm not even a Michael Jackson fan. During most of the 90s I thought he was a freak based on stories I'd heard and pictures I'd seen. I was too young to experience the "Thriller" craze in the early 80s, as well as his patented moonwalk, and white glove. I was never all that crazy about pop music anyway. But if you asked me to name a dozen Michael Jackson songs, I could do it in thirty seconds easy. Hell, I could probably give you a complete verse or two from "Billy Jean," "I Want You Back," or "Black or White." Is there anyone alive between the ages of ten and sixty who doesn't know "Bad," "Rock With You," "ABC," "Beat It," or "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough?" He had one of the most distinctive singing voices of all time and greatly influenced fashion and pop culture in America. His music crossed over to every ethnic and racial group, which is why he stood alone as a pop artist. In truth, I can't think of a single athlete, comic, or movie star as well-known around the world as Jackson. And within his profession, perhaps only Elvis Presley and The Beatles made longer-lasting impacts.
I'm amazed and saddened by this tragic story. While I would never invite Jackson to come over and baby-sit (Dammit! I was so close), I nonetheless felt compelled to briefly acknowledge a man who for all his shortcomings, had a gift we may never see again in our lifetimes. Within minutes of the story breaking, thousands seemed to be posting messages on YouTube while watching Jackson's music videos, another hugely significant piece of his legacy (MJ was as responsible as anyone for the success of MTV and all videos that followed). And as I listened to "Heal the World," all outside thoughts seemed to disappear. As an artist, Michael Jackson really was one of a kind.
It almost seems too unbelievable to be true. You know you're a big deal when your death relegates Farrah Fawcett's to footnote status (and between the two of them I didn't think T would ever be able to stop the water works). But Jackson transcended stardom. In many ways he was a larger-than-life figure to the point that upon hearing early reports of his cardiac arrest, I thought it to be hoax. Would anyone be all that surprised if we found out two weeks from now that the King of Pop was in fact perfectly fine, and used his clout to create a media tidal-wave to promote his big summer comeback tour? It's a ridiculous theory, but doesn't MJ seem like the one celebrity who could've conceivably pulled that off? Michael had after all been a star since 1966, when he was lead singer for the Jackson 5 at age eight! And despite his latter years being marked by tabloid rumors and punch lines, just four hours after tickets for his latest tour went on sale, he'd sold an astonishing 75,000 of them. You simply can't fake that kind of talent.
I'm not even a Michael Jackson fan. During most of the 90s I thought he was a freak based on stories I'd heard and pictures I'd seen. I was too young to experience the "Thriller" craze in the early 80s, as well as his patented moonwalk, and white glove. I was never all that crazy about pop music anyway. But if you asked me to name a dozen Michael Jackson songs, I could do it in thirty seconds easy. Hell, I could probably give you a complete verse or two from "Billy Jean," "I Want You Back," or "Black or White." Is there anyone alive between the ages of ten and sixty who doesn't know "Bad," "Rock With You," "ABC," "Beat It," or "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough?" He had one of the most distinctive singing voices of all time and greatly influenced fashion and pop culture in America. His music crossed over to every ethnic and racial group, which is why he stood alone as a pop artist. In truth, I can't think of a single athlete, comic, or movie star as well-known around the world as Jackson. And within his profession, perhaps only Elvis Presley and The Beatles made longer-lasting impacts.
I'm amazed and saddened by this tragic story. While I would never invite Jackson to come over and baby-sit (Dammit! I was so close), I nonetheless felt compelled to briefly acknowledge a man who for all his shortcomings, had a gift we may never see again in our lifetimes. Within minutes of the story breaking, thousands seemed to be posting messages on YouTube while watching Jackson's music videos, another hugely significant piece of his legacy (MJ was as responsible as anyone for the success of MTV and all videos that followed). And as I listened to "Heal the World," all outside thoughts seemed to disappear. As an artist, Michael Jackson really was one of a kind.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The NBA Discovers Parity
Mark the date, May 30th 2009, the day when the NBA escaped predictability. Of the three major professional American sports (I don’t think anyone counts hockey anymore), basketball has long been the one with the least drama regarding which teams would end each respective season on top. This is primarily due to the NBA being a star driven league more than the others. Baseball and football simply have too many players, too many important positions on the field, and too high of a luck factor (in how a single play can affect the outcome of a game or season) for any one player to emerge the predominant factor in a team’s success. Don’t believe me? Next time you’re in Vegas, try to accurately predict every NFL playoff team for the upcoming season. If you get better than 8 out of 12, I’ll happily relinquish the keys to my car.
Throughout its history the best players in the NBA have won, a trend even more pronounced in recent decades. In fact during the past thirty years only one team has emerged victorious without the services of a top 3 player (the 2004 Detroit Pistons). This trend allows fans to see the best of the best compete for the top prize, but it also makes the general outcome seem routine, which is part of the reason so many prefer college basketball to the pro game. We usually can predict every playoff team by early December, so when I pondered creating a pool for the 2009NBA playoffs, I realized any attempt would be futile. Nearly every bracket would ultimately look the same, unless as fate would have it, some genius had the foresight to pit Orlando against the Lakers.
Nobody who matters wanted this match up. Certainly not David Stern, who must’ve had a near heart attack when he realized the potential for a Magic/Nuggets finals existed not so long ago. He surely had been salivating over the all-but -guaranteed Lakers/Cavaliers finals when he saw the playoff breakdown in late April. At worst, Kevin Garnett makes a full recovery and basketball fans get round two of the Celtics/Lakers. At best he gets to promote Kobe Bryant vs. Lebron James, a heavyweight battle of the league’s preeminent players, which despite the aforementioned history of star battles, seldom happens. The last time the NBA finals boasted the league’s two best players was 1984 when Larry Bird’s Celtics faced Magic Johnson’s Lakers, and I’m not 100% convinced Magic was even there yet (his best years were still to come). But in 2009, there was no debate that Kobe and Lebron were better than everybody else. One brief observation: by year’s end I suspect 75% of fans (and 95% outside of California) had arrived at the conclusion that Lebron was the better player, but he will be watching Kobe and the finals on television. Just food for thought . . .
The presence of Orlando in the finals may also be somewhat disappointing to Kobe, who surely would’ve relished the challenge of going toe-to-toe with King James for seven games. But although that dream match up will have to wait, the pressure is squarely on the Lakers. They are considered the strong favorite nationally (a mistake) and as Bill Simmons wrote recently, Kobe’s legacy hangs in the balance. He will never have a better opportunity to win a title without Shaq than he does right now. Last year the media wave from Los Angeles somehow propelled the Lakers into the position of favorite over the Celtics, who were undoubtedly the better and hungrier team. (see my Nostradamus-like post before last year’s finals: http://mygirlfriendssleeping.blogspot.com/2008/06/17-reasons-celtics-will-beat-lakers.html). In 2009 however, L.A. has no excuses. If they don’t perform at the top of their game, they will lose to a young, overachieving Magic team that plays without a care in the world. This lattermost personality trait is Orlando’s greatest weapon.
The pressure of being favored has never affected them during this playoff run, because it hasn’t existed. True, some people did predict they’d defeat an injury depleted Celtics squad in round two, but just as many predicted advancement for the defending champs despite their limitations. Orlando kept pushing back, especially when they were considered finished (see game six of that series). They kept shooting threes, kept rebounding, kept running, kept defending, and continued treating every game like a pickup contest. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the deciding game of that series looked like. But even after securing a spot in the Eastern Conference finals, few thought they’d compete with the Cavs, despite beating them twice during the regular season. Cleveland hadn’t been tested at all throughout the first two rounds, was dominating the competition, and had the most spectacular player on the planet leading the charge. Only Charles Barkley had the courage to predict a Magic victory, and he was proven right.
The Magic onslaught (and conference finals as a whole) was so intriguing that even T began watching games while I was working late at the store, feeding me updates by way of text. She learned a lot about the sport with each successive game, although her game and player terminology stills needs some work. On one occasion with only seconds to go in the Nuggets/Lakers series, she proclaimed “Carmelo Anthony sounds like a Soprano’s character.” During another contest, she asked me what a ‘mystery throw’ was. I explained that the proper pronunciation was ‘missed free throw.’ She also agreed that Stan Van Gundy certainly does not look like a basketball coach. She figured his name was Vinny and remarked how he looked like he should work in a pizza parlor. I challenge anyone to contest that description. I think T’s now as excited as I am for game one tonight, which is awesome, because we won’t need to flip back and forth to “Jon and Kate Plus 8.”
So what do I expect from the finals? I’m not quite sure and that’s part of the pleasure for a change. We all knew Michael Jordan’s Bulls were going to beat whichever inferior Western Conference team emerged throughout the 90s. It was set in stone that Tim Duncan’s Spurs were going to beat any weak Eastern Conference team during their run of four titles in nine years. But this time, there really isn’t any conventional wisdom to fall back on. I’ve seen Orlando get knocked down and come roaring back repeatedly. I’ve seen them shoot Lebron right out of the playoffs (Do you all realize how close that series came to being a sweep for Orlando?) They are decently coached (though SVG is the ultimate Jekyll/Hyde personality of the league; you never know if he’ll be brilliant or horrid), they have very big wing players who can shoot (Rashard Lewis, Hedo Turkoglu, Mickael Pietrus), they have solid point guard play (Rafer Alston & returning starter Jameer Nelson), and the most dominant big man in the league (Dwight Howard, who should he win his 1st title at age 23 immediately leaps to top 5 status if he isn’t there already). By the way it makes me just a little sick that everyone reading this is older than Howard by about five years. I’d kill to be a 6’ 11” black basketball player. I suspect several players on Orlando are just happy to be there, which fits into their whole loose mentality. They seem to take the game as it comes to them. If their shots aren’t falling, they still have Howard to keep them in the game. If their shots are falling, they can’t be beat.
I honestly don’t know what the game plan is if I’m Phil Jackson. Because of Orlando’s shooting prowess, he has no alternative to going single coverage on Howard with Andrew Bynum, who while a big body, isn’t nearly experienced or tough enough to stop him. Amazingly, Kendrick Perkins may now be the only big man in the league with the attitude and body to keep DH under control. Lewis and Turkoglu are going to force Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom to guard them way outside the paint on defense, which puts even more pressure on Laker guards Derek Fisher and Trevor Ariza to prevent Orlando’s little men from penetrating. If I were Phil, I’d start the series with Kobe guarding Turkoglu. Much of the Magic offense runs through the flopping foreigner, who often acts as a point forward for Orlando and if Kobe can keep him 25 feet from the basket and pressure the ball, that will take the Magic out of their rhythm. On offense L.A. must attack Howard every chance they get, since he is prone to early foul trouble. Gasol and Odom are both talented, a common description for the two forwards that I’m starting to believe means soft. Gasol has been really good thus far, but if Howard blocks his first shot attempt, he may regress. Both Laker forwards disappeared in last years’ finals, forcing Kobe to carry the entire load. And if Lebron was unable to beat Orlando with that approach, I doubt Kobe can. If I’m Van Gundy, I’m posting pictures of every Laker player other than Kobe in the locker room and screaming “Don’t let THEM beat us.” If Kobe averages 40 in the series, but Orlando shoots that mark from beyond the arc and dominates the glass, all the individual praise won’t matter.
Home court belongs to L.A., but as was the case during the last two rounds, Orlando doesn’t seem phased playing on the road. Cleveland was supposedly infallible at home and Orlando quickly stole home court advantage. In each of their last two deciding games, they blew out the opposing team. And the ridiculous 2-3-2 format works in Orlando’s favor. If they steal one of the first two in L.A. and then take two at home, they have the chance to end it in game six. It’s a terrible, terrible format that exists primarily due to travel considerations. These are grown men who fly back and forth across the country for 82 games all season long. Do the extra couple of flights really make that much of a difference? In this format the Magic, who are supposedly the team without home court advantage, play three of the 1st five games on their home court. That’s the series folks. Winning one more on the road (and having two cracks at it) if you’re a team with a mentality like Orlando, isn’t all that big an obstacle at all.
The Lakers are good, really good in fact, and have been tested during the playoffs, but it is possible to be overly tested, especially if you’re an older team. I hated that it took L.A. seven games to eliminate the Houston Rockets minus Yao and Tracy McGrady. Denver gave them all they could handle in the Western Conference finals. Both teams had physical, versatile forwards (Ron Artest, Shane Battier, Luis Scola, Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, Chris Andersen) who gave the Lakers fits. Orlando offers more of the same, but with better shooting and the best rebounder and defensive big man in basketball. And if L.A. struggles to find a consistent rhythm early, I can easily see Kobe going into autopilot shooting mode with his legacy in the balance. I love watching Mr. Bryant, but I’m not sure I’d want to play with him either. Still, I’m not prepared to bet against him, considering Orlando has no single defender to bother him. If this sounds like a cop-out without a real prediction, it is, and it falls right in line with the way the NBA playoffs have played out.
Ok, I obviously can’t close on that note. If this series goes to game seven, I think L.A. holds on, because I don’t see Kobe losing a title that close to his grasp. But I don’t think this one’s getting that far. You heard it here first . . . Orlando in six!
Throughout its history the best players in the NBA have won, a trend even more pronounced in recent decades. In fact during the past thirty years only one team has emerged victorious without the services of a top 3 player (the 2004 Detroit Pistons). This trend allows fans to see the best of the best compete for the top prize, but it also makes the general outcome seem routine, which is part of the reason so many prefer college basketball to the pro game. We usually can predict every playoff team by early December, so when I pondered creating a pool for the 2009NBA playoffs, I realized any attempt would be futile. Nearly every bracket would ultimately look the same, unless as fate would have it, some genius had the foresight to pit Orlando against the Lakers.
Nobody who matters wanted this match up. Certainly not David Stern, who must’ve had a near heart attack when he realized the potential for a Magic/Nuggets finals existed not so long ago. He surely had been salivating over the all-but -guaranteed Lakers/Cavaliers finals when he saw the playoff breakdown in late April. At worst, Kevin Garnett makes a full recovery and basketball fans get round two of the Celtics/Lakers. At best he gets to promote Kobe Bryant vs. Lebron James, a heavyweight battle of the league’s preeminent players, which despite the aforementioned history of star battles, seldom happens. The last time the NBA finals boasted the league’s two best players was 1984 when Larry Bird’s Celtics faced Magic Johnson’s Lakers, and I’m not 100% convinced Magic was even there yet (his best years were still to come). But in 2009, there was no debate that Kobe and Lebron were better than everybody else. One brief observation: by year’s end I suspect 75% of fans (and 95% outside of California) had arrived at the conclusion that Lebron was the better player, but he will be watching Kobe and the finals on television. Just food for thought . . .
The presence of Orlando in the finals may also be somewhat disappointing to Kobe, who surely would’ve relished the challenge of going toe-to-toe with King James for seven games. But although that dream match up will have to wait, the pressure is squarely on the Lakers. They are considered the strong favorite nationally (a mistake) and as Bill Simmons wrote recently, Kobe’s legacy hangs in the balance. He will never have a better opportunity to win a title without Shaq than he does right now. Last year the media wave from Los Angeles somehow propelled the Lakers into the position of favorite over the Celtics, who were undoubtedly the better and hungrier team. (see my Nostradamus-like post before last year’s finals: http://mygirlfriendssleeping.blogspot.com/2008/06/17-reasons-celtics-will-beat-lakers.html). In 2009 however, L.A. has no excuses. If they don’t perform at the top of their game, they will lose to a young, overachieving Magic team that plays without a care in the world. This lattermost personality trait is Orlando’s greatest weapon.
The pressure of being favored has never affected them during this playoff run, because it hasn’t existed. True, some people did predict they’d defeat an injury depleted Celtics squad in round two, but just as many predicted advancement for the defending champs despite their limitations. Orlando kept pushing back, especially when they were considered finished (see game six of that series). They kept shooting threes, kept rebounding, kept running, kept defending, and continued treating every game like a pickup contest. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the deciding game of that series looked like. But even after securing a spot in the Eastern Conference finals, few thought they’d compete with the Cavs, despite beating them twice during the regular season. Cleveland hadn’t been tested at all throughout the first two rounds, was dominating the competition, and had the most spectacular player on the planet leading the charge. Only Charles Barkley had the courage to predict a Magic victory, and he was proven right.
The Magic onslaught (and conference finals as a whole) was so intriguing that even T began watching games while I was working late at the store, feeding me updates by way of text. She learned a lot about the sport with each successive game, although her game and player terminology stills needs some work. On one occasion with only seconds to go in the Nuggets/Lakers series, she proclaimed “Carmelo Anthony sounds like a Soprano’s character.” During another contest, she asked me what a ‘mystery throw’ was. I explained that the proper pronunciation was ‘missed free throw.’ She also agreed that Stan Van Gundy certainly does not look like a basketball coach. She figured his name was Vinny and remarked how he looked like he should work in a pizza parlor. I challenge anyone to contest that description. I think T’s now as excited as I am for game one tonight, which is awesome, because we won’t need to flip back and forth to “Jon and Kate Plus 8.”
So what do I expect from the finals? I’m not quite sure and that’s part of the pleasure for a change. We all knew Michael Jordan’s Bulls were going to beat whichever inferior Western Conference team emerged throughout the 90s. It was set in stone that Tim Duncan’s Spurs were going to beat any weak Eastern Conference team during their run of four titles in nine years. But this time, there really isn’t any conventional wisdom to fall back on. I’ve seen Orlando get knocked down and come roaring back repeatedly. I’ve seen them shoot Lebron right out of the playoffs (Do you all realize how close that series came to being a sweep for Orlando?) They are decently coached (though SVG is the ultimate Jekyll/Hyde personality of the league; you never know if he’ll be brilliant or horrid), they have very big wing players who can shoot (Rashard Lewis, Hedo Turkoglu, Mickael Pietrus), they have solid point guard play (Rafer Alston & returning starter Jameer Nelson), and the most dominant big man in the league (Dwight Howard, who should he win his 1st title at age 23 immediately leaps to top 5 status if he isn’t there already). By the way it makes me just a little sick that everyone reading this is older than Howard by about five years. I’d kill to be a 6’ 11” black basketball player. I suspect several players on Orlando are just happy to be there, which fits into their whole loose mentality. They seem to take the game as it comes to them. If their shots aren’t falling, they still have Howard to keep them in the game. If their shots are falling, they can’t be beat.
I honestly don’t know what the game plan is if I’m Phil Jackson. Because of Orlando’s shooting prowess, he has no alternative to going single coverage on Howard with Andrew Bynum, who while a big body, isn’t nearly experienced or tough enough to stop him. Amazingly, Kendrick Perkins may now be the only big man in the league with the attitude and body to keep DH under control. Lewis and Turkoglu are going to force Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom to guard them way outside the paint on defense, which puts even more pressure on Laker guards Derek Fisher and Trevor Ariza to prevent Orlando’s little men from penetrating. If I were Phil, I’d start the series with Kobe guarding Turkoglu. Much of the Magic offense runs through the flopping foreigner, who often acts as a point forward for Orlando and if Kobe can keep him 25 feet from the basket and pressure the ball, that will take the Magic out of their rhythm. On offense L.A. must attack Howard every chance they get, since he is prone to early foul trouble. Gasol and Odom are both talented, a common description for the two forwards that I’m starting to believe means soft. Gasol has been really good thus far, but if Howard blocks his first shot attempt, he may regress. Both Laker forwards disappeared in last years’ finals, forcing Kobe to carry the entire load. And if Lebron was unable to beat Orlando with that approach, I doubt Kobe can. If I’m Van Gundy, I’m posting pictures of every Laker player other than Kobe in the locker room and screaming “Don’t let THEM beat us.” If Kobe averages 40 in the series, but Orlando shoots that mark from beyond the arc and dominates the glass, all the individual praise won’t matter.
Home court belongs to L.A., but as was the case during the last two rounds, Orlando doesn’t seem phased playing on the road. Cleveland was supposedly infallible at home and Orlando quickly stole home court advantage. In each of their last two deciding games, they blew out the opposing team. And the ridiculous 2-3-2 format works in Orlando’s favor. If they steal one of the first two in L.A. and then take two at home, they have the chance to end it in game six. It’s a terrible, terrible format that exists primarily due to travel considerations. These are grown men who fly back and forth across the country for 82 games all season long. Do the extra couple of flights really make that much of a difference? In this format the Magic, who are supposedly the team without home court advantage, play three of the 1st five games on their home court. That’s the series folks. Winning one more on the road (and having two cracks at it) if you’re a team with a mentality like Orlando, isn’t all that big an obstacle at all.
The Lakers are good, really good in fact, and have been tested during the playoffs, but it is possible to be overly tested, especially if you’re an older team. I hated that it took L.A. seven games to eliminate the Houston Rockets minus Yao and Tracy McGrady. Denver gave them all they could handle in the Western Conference finals. Both teams had physical, versatile forwards (Ron Artest, Shane Battier, Luis Scola, Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, Chris Andersen) who gave the Lakers fits. Orlando offers more of the same, but with better shooting and the best rebounder and defensive big man in basketball. And if L.A. struggles to find a consistent rhythm early, I can easily see Kobe going into autopilot shooting mode with his legacy in the balance. I love watching Mr. Bryant, but I’m not sure I’d want to play with him either. Still, I’m not prepared to bet against him, considering Orlando has no single defender to bother him. If this sounds like a cop-out without a real prediction, it is, and it falls right in line with the way the NBA playoffs have played out.
Ok, I obviously can’t close on that note. If this series goes to game seven, I think L.A. holds on, because I don’t see Kobe losing a title that close to his grasp. But I don’t think this one’s getting that far. You heard it here first . . . Orlando in six!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Depressed
I'm frozen in a state of emotional nothingness, like a guy on the couch after an evening of heroin use. Being that I am completely incapable of rationalizing the Celtics game seven loss at the hands of the Magic, I'll provide you with a short summary that I'll try to edit once I've slept this off for a couple of days.
Hedo Turkoglu is a goat. Not in any derogatory sense. That's simply the first description that crept into my subconscious. He's a scruffy, grotesque, flopping, whining goat look-alike, who hit all his threes (mostly poor shots) in the game that matter most. If Hedo is to be believed, he owed it all to a pre-game pizza meal. What does that tell you about the man’s mental state? He was a 7th man for most of his career, and has inexplicably become an important player at age 30. He's probably on steroids. And every time he tried to draw an inadvertent whistle, he yelped, emitting a peculiarly inhuman noise, much like a goat. I hate him!
Rafer Alston is a crack-head piece of shit. He talks ad nauseam. Like Hedo, he flops too much. He complains to the refs about plays after minutes after the fact. He attacked Eddie House for torching him when his own defense was to blame. His first name isn't even a fucking name. His face makes me want to punch my bathroom mirror. I hate him!
Mickael Pietrus is an arrogant French bastard who doesn't even seem to play within in any sort of team concept. He waits for loose balls and takes wildly untimely three-pointers. Then he scowls. I can't even imagine anyone on Orlando likes him. Doc should’ve had Mikki Moore strangle him during a time-out (at least he would’ve done something of value for the team). I hate him!
Stan Van Gundy is probably too unintentionally hilarious to full out hate, but he can't escape my wrath. He's ugly and fat, with one of the worst mustaches in all of Florida. His best player hates him. He is unofficially Bipolar, criticizing the world one minute and high-fiving his team during a time-out the next (these are grown men, not six-year old kids.) I hate him!
And while were on the subject, Reggie Miller nearly ruined another playoff series with his incoherent blather. I HATE HIM!
I don't hate Dwight Howard, because he's simply too likable and didn't do anything to offend me personally. He's a defensive freak, a rebounding machine, and a pretty unpolished offensive player still capable of dominating a playoff series. A friend wisely pointed out that if all Patrick Ewing could muster out of Howard this season was a jump hook and a ridiculous cross-the-lane heave off the backboard, he can't be much of a coach. I can't really bring myself to hate Rashard Lewis either. He simply posed major match up problems for the Celtics. I can't say I hate anyone on the Celtics roster, although if tomorrow's Boston Globe headline read "Stephon Marbury's car torn to pieces by Copley B-Line train,” I wouldn't lose a minute of sleep.
I love the efforts turned in by Kendrick Perkins and Glen Davis. Davis became (sadly) our best interior scorer, while delivering the funniest post-game shove of a little kid on record. Meanwhile Perk went toe-to-toe with the best center in the world, and more than held his own. Scal brought energy, House brought attitude, and Doc brought positive thinking. Allen brought greatness in spurts, the gaps between them sometimes lasting days. Rondo became a superstar, but lost some luster against inferior opposition verses Orlando. (I suspect both he and Allen may have been playing hurt, which will undoubtedly come out some time in June). Another worry with Rondo . . . I could see him becoming a player who plays both up and down to the level of his competition, which makes him both our greatest asset and potentially biggest liability. Meanwhile, Pierce had a few nice games, but seemed to make as many mistakes as anyone else on the court. He also looked tired; a word I didn't realize was in his vocabulary.
It's disappointing to lose, especially when things could've been so different. Maybe last season’s good fortune had to end, at least temporarily. But I maintain the loss of Kevin Garnett was the most affecting NBA injury of the last decade. If he was healthy (in addition to Leon Powe), I have no doubt we'd have swept Chicago, and taken Orlando in five, setting up a powerhouse match up against the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference finals. If Orlando lost Howard, they might've lost to the Sixers in Round 1. Denver without Chauncey Billups might not have made the playoffs. The Lakers minus Kobe would've lost in Round 2. And the Cavs without Lebron would struggle to win the N.I.T. KG was essential to everything we did well, especially on the defensive end. Without him the Celtics looked far more like a group of individuals than a complete team.
But they played exceedingly hard. They didn't take a night off. It just seems at the moment that they (gulp) lost to a better team. It happens. I only pray this loss had more to do with injury than age. Sure, they were fatigued. How could they not be after 15 playoff games (I’m counting all those Round 1 overtimes as another game)? But if years of accumulated bumps and bruises are to be blamed for slowing Pierce, Allen, and Garnett, then it may be time for Danny Ainge to go back to the drawing board, to at least see what's out there. Maybe that Howard fellow is on the trading block.
(One final note: Anyone else think the most interesting man in the world from the Dos Equis commercials would be a perfect replacement for Lucky as the Celtic's team mascot? "I don't generally watch basketball. But when I do, I root for the Celtics.")
Hedo Turkoglu is a goat. Not in any derogatory sense. That's simply the first description that crept into my subconscious. He's a scruffy, grotesque, flopping, whining goat look-alike, who hit all his threes (mostly poor shots) in the game that matter most. If Hedo is to be believed, he owed it all to a pre-game pizza meal. What does that tell you about the man’s mental state? He was a 7th man for most of his career, and has inexplicably become an important player at age 30. He's probably on steroids. And every time he tried to draw an inadvertent whistle, he yelped, emitting a peculiarly inhuman noise, much like a goat. I hate him!
Rafer Alston is a crack-head piece of shit. He talks ad nauseam. Like Hedo, he flops too much. He complains to the refs about plays after minutes after the fact. He attacked Eddie House for torching him when his own defense was to blame. His first name isn't even a fucking name. His face makes me want to punch my bathroom mirror. I hate him!
Mickael Pietrus is an arrogant French bastard who doesn't even seem to play within in any sort of team concept. He waits for loose balls and takes wildly untimely three-pointers. Then he scowls. I can't even imagine anyone on Orlando likes him. Doc should’ve had Mikki Moore strangle him during a time-out (at least he would’ve done something of value for the team). I hate him!
Stan Van Gundy is probably too unintentionally hilarious to full out hate, but he can't escape my wrath. He's ugly and fat, with one of the worst mustaches in all of Florida. His best player hates him. He is unofficially Bipolar, criticizing the world one minute and high-fiving his team during a time-out the next (these are grown men, not six-year old kids.) I hate him!
And while were on the subject, Reggie Miller nearly ruined another playoff series with his incoherent blather. I HATE HIM!
I don't hate Dwight Howard, because he's simply too likable and didn't do anything to offend me personally. He's a defensive freak, a rebounding machine, and a pretty unpolished offensive player still capable of dominating a playoff series. A friend wisely pointed out that if all Patrick Ewing could muster out of Howard this season was a jump hook and a ridiculous cross-the-lane heave off the backboard, he can't be much of a coach. I can't really bring myself to hate Rashard Lewis either. He simply posed major match up problems for the Celtics. I can't say I hate anyone on the Celtics roster, although if tomorrow's Boston Globe headline read "Stephon Marbury's car torn to pieces by Copley B-Line train,” I wouldn't lose a minute of sleep.
I love the efforts turned in by Kendrick Perkins and Glen Davis. Davis became (sadly) our best interior scorer, while delivering the funniest post-game shove of a little kid on record. Meanwhile Perk went toe-to-toe with the best center in the world, and more than held his own. Scal brought energy, House brought attitude, and Doc brought positive thinking. Allen brought greatness in spurts, the gaps between them sometimes lasting days. Rondo became a superstar, but lost some luster against inferior opposition verses Orlando. (I suspect both he and Allen may have been playing hurt, which will undoubtedly come out some time in June). Another worry with Rondo . . . I could see him becoming a player who plays both up and down to the level of his competition, which makes him both our greatest asset and potentially biggest liability. Meanwhile, Pierce had a few nice games, but seemed to make as many mistakes as anyone else on the court. He also looked tired; a word I didn't realize was in his vocabulary.
It's disappointing to lose, especially when things could've been so different. Maybe last season’s good fortune had to end, at least temporarily. But I maintain the loss of Kevin Garnett was the most affecting NBA injury of the last decade. If he was healthy (in addition to Leon Powe), I have no doubt we'd have swept Chicago, and taken Orlando in five, setting up a powerhouse match up against the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference finals. If Orlando lost Howard, they might've lost to the Sixers in Round 1. Denver without Chauncey Billups might not have made the playoffs. The Lakers minus Kobe would've lost in Round 2. And the Cavs without Lebron would struggle to win the N.I.T. KG was essential to everything we did well, especially on the defensive end. Without him the Celtics looked far more like a group of individuals than a complete team.
But they played exceedingly hard. They didn't take a night off. It just seems at the moment that they (gulp) lost to a better team. It happens. I only pray this loss had more to do with injury than age. Sure, they were fatigued. How could they not be after 15 playoff games (I’m counting all those Round 1 overtimes as another game)? But if years of accumulated bumps and bruises are to be blamed for slowing Pierce, Allen, and Garnett, then it may be time for Danny Ainge to go back to the drawing board, to at least see what's out there. Maybe that Howard fellow is on the trading block.
(One final note: Anyone else think the most interesting man in the world from the Dos Equis commercials would be a perfect replacement for Lucky as the Celtic's team mascot? "I don't generally watch basketball. But when I do, I root for the Celtics.")
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Summer at the Movies, 2009
It’s almost the start of another summer movie season, which seems to commence earlier with each passing year. The box-office explosion kicks off this Friday, May 1st with the opening of Wolverine, and won’t let up until August. Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Charles Barkley have helped fuel the collective appetite of sports fans with a hilarious TNT commercial in which they debate what the latter would do if blessed with Wolverine's claws (Kenny correctly surmises he'd rip open packages of twinkies in bulk). Unfortunately the 2009 release schedule seems particularly uninspired, from lame brain comedies to sequels nobody seemed to be asking for. I can’t remember another summer when I knew ahead of time I’d be skipping so many tent poles, the “can’t-miss” offerings each studio wants you to believe will destroy the competition.
This year’s big Memorial Day films include Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian and Terminator Salvation. The former is a follow-up to one of the worst films of the decade, a supposed family comedy with no laughs, cartoony special effects, and a bored Ben Stiller making faces at blue screens. No thank you. The latter is the 2nd misdirected attempt to reboot a franchise that should’ve ended credibly in 1991 when James Cameron was still directing. T3 remains one of the most disappointing theatergoing experiences of my life and it’s going to take more than Christian Bale to sucker me in again. Another major release is Angels and Demons, a sequel to the lifeless, incoherent 2006 adaptation of The Da Vinci Code, arguably the worst film on the resumes of both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. May also launches J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, this summer’s only true wildcard. Die-hard fans are salivating, but this film will need excellent reviews and word-of-mouth to lure those with no interest in the often ridiculed franchise. Count me among the skeptical.
Later months will bring comedies starring Will Ferrell (Land of the Lost), Eddie Murphy (Imagine That), Jack Black & Michael Cera (Year One), The Wayans Brothers (Dance Flick), Adam Sandler & Seth Rogan (Funny People), Will Arnett & Jon Heder (When In Rome), David Hasselhoff (Beverly Hills Ninja 2- NOT JOKING), Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), and Robin Williams (World’s Greatest Dad), as well as estrogen driven counter programming featuring Cameron Diaz (My Sister’s Keeper), Katherine Heigl & Gerald Butler (The Ugly Truth), Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal), Rachel McAdams (The Time Traveler’s Wife), Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel (500 Days of Summer), Matthew McConaughey & Jennifer Garner (The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past), and Meryl Streep & Amy Adams (Julie and Julia). Other releases include the heist flick The Brothers Bloom and animated films G-Force and Ice Age 3: Dawn of Dinosaurs, both likely to do very well financially. Finally, what preview would be complete without a mention of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra? It appears silly beyond words, though the presence of Dennis Quaid in an action film is almost always good for a few unintentional laughs, just not enough to warrant a trip to the theater. Of all the aforementioned films, only two are semi-realistic possibilities: The Proposal, because T already decided we are going, and Land of the Lost, because I’m a total sucker for Ferrell in anything.
Not all is lost though. Here is a list of 10 films I WILL be seeing this summer and why it might be worth your while to join me . . .
10.) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Eh, what can I say? It’s the most critic-proof blockbuster of 2009. While I wasn’t crazy about the original (whose 1st half I enjoyed much more than the mind-numbing final hour), I’m willing to give this series another shot. If nothing else, it’s the one huge release that will play a lot differently in a theater as opposed to on the television screen in my living room. And there’s always the irresistibly sexy, er talented, Megan Fox.
9.) The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - Since hitting huge with Entourage, fast-talking Jeremy Piven has been pretty selective about taking film roles, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt in this comedy about a crew who assemble to save a small town car dealership from bankruptcy. It’s directed by the creator of Chappelle’s Show and produced by Ferrell and Adam McKay’s (Anchorman, Talladega Nights) production company.
8.) The Taking of Pelham 123 – Each summer there is generally at least one action film driven more by story, performances, and stunts (think Speed or The Bourne Ultimatum) than flashy CGI visual effects. In this remake, hijackers overtake an NYC subway train and hold its passengers ransom, threatening to kill one person each minute. While not completely original, it comes from the writer of L.A. Confidential, and stars Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini.
7.) Up – Simply put, Disney Pixar Studios (Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, etc) has yet to make a bad film. The trailers look great, promising humor and the most cutting-edge animation available. Up is the tale of a 78-year-old man and his companions who travel the world in his home, carried along by thousands of balloons overhead. A bonus for this one; it should look amazing in Digital 3D.
6.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I am not a comic book fan, nor have I ever read an issue of any superhero graphic novels. But since Marvel brought X-Men to the big screen in 2000, they’ve been one my favorite franchises. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is the most intriguing major comic book character outside the world of Batman, and if this delivers the same level of energy, f/x, and fast-paced action of its predecessors, I’ll be satisfied.
Note: Much has been made about the online leak of Wolverine weeks before its release. Honestly, who’d want to watch a fuzzy print of a movie like this on a trailer-size Laptop screen anyway?
Note 2:
5.) Inglourious Basterds – Quentin Tarantino’s newest film follows a group of Jewish-American soldiers on a revenge killing spree throughout Nazi-occupied France during World War II. Brad Pitt leads a cast that also includes Mike Myers. Like the Coen Brothers QT’s films are often hard to define as this one seems a cross between From Dusk Till Dawn, Munich, and The Dirty Dozen. The only reason I don’t rank it higher is because I can’t yet tell if there’s real substance to be found (Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown) or if it’s merely an excuse for the director to embellish in another highly stylized blood bath (Kill Bill, Death Proof). Time will tell.
4.) Whatever Works – It honestly doesn’t even matter what this one is about. Larry David stars in a Woody Allen movie! Has there ever been a better match between star and writer, from their self-loathing personalities to impeccable comedic timing? For what it’s worth David plays a brilliant, wealthy New Yorker who after a failed suicide attempt moves to Chinatown and meets a younger, far less cerebral southern girl. After six seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’d pay to see David criticizing strangers from a park bench. Pairing with the best comedy writer of the last forty years is icing on the cake.
3.) Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince – Unlike the vast majority, I am seeing the HP movies without previously reading the books (I’ve only read the 1st and ½ of the 2nd), so my anticipation is as much driven by curiosity over plot points as expected entertainment value. Though I don’t rewatch the previous Potter films often, they have unexpectedly become required viewing on the big screen, with each chapter a little darker, meaner, and more mature in its themes. In the end I probably wouldn’t call this a truly great franchise, but it is exceedingly dependable, good for several laughs, increasingly stellar special effects, and characters worth caring about. There is yet to be a bad Potter film and with only two to go, I highly doubt this will change.
2.) Bruno – The promos speak for themselves, like the one with a straight-faced, shirtless Bruno holding a black infant in his arms. Sacha Baron Cohen got away with murder in 2006 with his comedy smash Borat, and for a second movie to work he’ll need to push the envelope even further. Playing another of his clueless alter-egos from Da Ali G Show, Cohen’s flaming Austrian Bruno comes to America pretending to be a television reporter and wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting public. Thousands will undoubtedly be offended by Cohen’s brand of humor, which takes none-too-subtle jabs at serious issues in the process. But if the number of major laughs approaches that of Cohen’s last outing, we’re probably looking at the funniest film of 2009.
Note: As of now the film has been tagged with an NC-17 rating, which would be death at the box-office. However, the rating would ensure those who do see it will get the funniest possible version available.
1.) Public Enemies – Few films this summer have more talent in front and behind the camera. In the latest in a string of strong Hollywood crime dramas (The Departed, American Gangster), Johnny Depp stars as Depression-era bank robber and folk hero John Dillinger. Christian Bale costars as Melvin Purvis, the top FBI agent under J. Edgar Hoover, who makes Dillinger his top target. Director Michael Mann has one of the best track records in the business, with such titles as Heat, The Insider, and Collateral to his credit. And after months of corny 1-liners, huge explosions, and a collective indifference towards storytelling, this July release could represent a rare opportunity for adult audiences to think. Reviews and word of mouth will go a long way in determining whether this film will be remembered come next year’s Oscars. Still, if I had only $10 to spend at the movies this summer, I’d save it for Public Enemies.
This year’s big Memorial Day films include Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian and Terminator Salvation. The former is a follow-up to one of the worst films of the decade, a supposed family comedy with no laughs, cartoony special effects, and a bored Ben Stiller making faces at blue screens. No thank you. The latter is the 2nd misdirected attempt to reboot a franchise that should’ve ended credibly in 1991 when James Cameron was still directing. T3 remains one of the most disappointing theatergoing experiences of my life and it’s going to take more than Christian Bale to sucker me in again. Another major release is Angels and Demons, a sequel to the lifeless, incoherent 2006 adaptation of The Da Vinci Code, arguably the worst film on the resumes of both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. May also launches J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek, this summer’s only true wildcard. Die-hard fans are salivating, but this film will need excellent reviews and word-of-mouth to lure those with no interest in the often ridiculed franchise. Count me among the skeptical.
Later months will bring comedies starring Will Ferrell (Land of the Lost), Eddie Murphy (Imagine That), Jack Black & Michael Cera (Year One), The Wayans Brothers (Dance Flick), Adam Sandler & Seth Rogan (Funny People), Will Arnett & Jon Heder (When In Rome), David Hasselhoff (Beverly Hills Ninja 2- NOT JOKING), Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), and Robin Williams (World’s Greatest Dad), as well as estrogen driven counter programming featuring Cameron Diaz (My Sister’s Keeper), Katherine Heigl & Gerald Butler (The Ugly Truth), Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal), Rachel McAdams (The Time Traveler’s Wife), Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel (500 Days of Summer), Matthew McConaughey & Jennifer Garner (The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past), and Meryl Streep & Amy Adams (Julie and Julia). Other releases include the heist flick The Brothers Bloom and animated films G-Force and Ice Age 3: Dawn of Dinosaurs, both likely to do very well financially. Finally, what preview would be complete without a mention of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra? It appears silly beyond words, though the presence of Dennis Quaid in an action film is almost always good for a few unintentional laughs, just not enough to warrant a trip to the theater. Of all the aforementioned films, only two are semi-realistic possibilities: The Proposal, because T already decided we are going, and Land of the Lost, because I’m a total sucker for Ferrell in anything.
Not all is lost though. Here is a list of 10 films I WILL be seeing this summer and why it might be worth your while to join me . . .
10.) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Eh, what can I say? It’s the most critic-proof blockbuster of 2009. While I wasn’t crazy about the original (whose 1st half I enjoyed much more than the mind-numbing final hour), I’m willing to give this series another shot. If nothing else, it’s the one huge release that will play a lot differently in a theater as opposed to on the television screen in my living room. And there’s always the irresistibly sexy, er talented, Megan Fox.
9.) The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - Since hitting huge with Entourage, fast-talking Jeremy Piven has been pretty selective about taking film roles, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt in this comedy about a crew who assemble to save a small town car dealership from bankruptcy. It’s directed by the creator of Chappelle’s Show and produced by Ferrell and Adam McKay’s (Anchorman, Talladega Nights) production company.
8.) The Taking of Pelham 123 – Each summer there is generally at least one action film driven more by story, performances, and stunts (think Speed or The Bourne Ultimatum) than flashy CGI visual effects. In this remake, hijackers overtake an NYC subway train and hold its passengers ransom, threatening to kill one person each minute. While not completely original, it comes from the writer of L.A. Confidential, and stars Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini.
7.) Up – Simply put, Disney Pixar Studios (Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, etc) has yet to make a bad film. The trailers look great, promising humor and the most cutting-edge animation available. Up is the tale of a 78-year-old man and his companions who travel the world in his home, carried along by thousands of balloons overhead. A bonus for this one; it should look amazing in Digital 3D.
6.) X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I am not a comic book fan, nor have I ever read an issue of any superhero graphic novels. But since Marvel brought X-Men to the big screen in 2000, they’ve been one my favorite franchises. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine is the most intriguing major comic book character outside the world of Batman, and if this delivers the same level of energy, f/x, and fast-paced action of its predecessors, I’ll be satisfied.
Note: Much has been made about the online leak of Wolverine weeks before its release. Honestly, who’d want to watch a fuzzy print of a movie like this on a trailer-size Laptop screen anyway?
Note 2:
5.) Inglourious Basterds – Quentin Tarantino’s newest film follows a group of Jewish-American soldiers on a revenge killing spree throughout Nazi-occupied France during World War II. Brad Pitt leads a cast that also includes Mike Myers. Like the Coen Brothers QT’s films are often hard to define as this one seems a cross between From Dusk Till Dawn, Munich, and The Dirty Dozen. The only reason I don’t rank it higher is because I can’t yet tell if there’s real substance to be found (Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown) or if it’s merely an excuse for the director to embellish in another highly stylized blood bath (Kill Bill, Death Proof). Time will tell.
4.) Whatever Works – It honestly doesn’t even matter what this one is about. Larry David stars in a Woody Allen movie! Has there ever been a better match between star and writer, from their self-loathing personalities to impeccable comedic timing? For what it’s worth David plays a brilliant, wealthy New Yorker who after a failed suicide attempt moves to Chinatown and meets a younger, far less cerebral southern girl. After six seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’d pay to see David criticizing strangers from a park bench. Pairing with the best comedy writer of the last forty years is icing on the cake.
3.) Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince – Unlike the vast majority, I am seeing the HP movies without previously reading the books (I’ve only read the 1st and ½ of the 2nd), so my anticipation is as much driven by curiosity over plot points as expected entertainment value. Though I don’t rewatch the previous Potter films often, they have unexpectedly become required viewing on the big screen, with each chapter a little darker, meaner, and more mature in its themes. In the end I probably wouldn’t call this a truly great franchise, but it is exceedingly dependable, good for several laughs, increasingly stellar special effects, and characters worth caring about. There is yet to be a bad Potter film and with only two to go, I highly doubt this will change.
2.) Bruno – The promos speak for themselves, like the one with a straight-faced, shirtless Bruno holding a black infant in his arms. Sacha Baron Cohen got away with murder in 2006 with his comedy smash Borat, and for a second movie to work he’ll need to push the envelope even further. Playing another of his clueless alter-egos from Da Ali G Show, Cohen’s flaming Austrian Bruno comes to America pretending to be a television reporter and wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting public. Thousands will undoubtedly be offended by Cohen’s brand of humor, which takes none-too-subtle jabs at serious issues in the process. But if the number of major laughs approaches that of Cohen’s last outing, we’re probably looking at the funniest film of 2009.
Note: As of now the film has been tagged with an NC-17 rating, which would be death at the box-office. However, the rating would ensure those who do see it will get the funniest possible version available.
1.) Public Enemies – Few films this summer have more talent in front and behind the camera. In the latest in a string of strong Hollywood crime dramas (The Departed, American Gangster), Johnny Depp stars as Depression-era bank robber and folk hero John Dillinger. Christian Bale costars as Melvin Purvis, the top FBI agent under J. Edgar Hoover, who makes Dillinger his top target. Director Michael Mann has one of the best track records in the business, with such titles as Heat, The Insider, and Collateral to his credit. And after months of corny 1-liners, huge explosions, and a collective indifference towards storytelling, this July release could represent a rare opportunity for adult audiences to think. Reviews and word of mouth will go a long way in determining whether this film will be remembered come next year’s Oscars. Still, if I had only $10 to spend at the movies this summer, I’d save it for Public Enemies.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
A Series to Remember
I don’t know what to expect from game 5. It’s unlikely it can possibly match the drama that’s resulted thus far from the Celtics/Bulls first round contest. Heading into the playoffs I predicted a five-game series, expecting Chicago to steal one at home. After the announcement that Kevin Garnett was likely out for the playoffs, I extended my guess to six games, still undoubtedly in Boston’s favor. But there is now zero chance this series won’t go seven games. In the past I’ve been critical of the NBA adopting a best of seven formula for the first round, as opposed to the best of five format they’d used for years. I think it makes the playoffs too long, drains too much energy from the players with so many games left, and minimizes the potential for upsets (remember Denver defeating top ranked Seattle in 1994?) Selfishly however, I’m now glad that last point generally holds true.
The Celtics are a better basketball team than the Bulls, even without KG and Leon Powe. Yes, the Bulls are missing Luol Deng, but from what I’ve seen of their play this season they are a better club without him. John Salmons plays tougher defense from the small forward spot anyway. Reverse the outcome of two plays in this series (Paul Pierce’s missed free throw at the end of game 1, Ben Gordon’s off-balance three pointer that sent game 4 to a second overtime), and we’d be talking about a Celtic sweep. The importance of those plays can’t be overstated. Boston needed this to be over fast, so they could rest for the second round and a likely match up with Orlando (who is having their own problems with a young Sixers bunch).
The Celtics aren’t a decidedly old basketball team top to bottom, but their best players are. Pierce has shown signs of age in this series, from his shooting to his turnovers to his failures making big defensive stops. Ray Allen has fared better, including some miraculous clutch shooting following game 1. I’m not sure what to make of Pierce right now. On the one hand his marginal outings still represent well-rounded offensive efforts. Add to that the fact that he hasn’t really taken over a single game yet, and I’m optimistic about our chances. But I wonder why he hasn’t yet gone for forty over the smaller, less athletic Kirk Heinrich. If I’m Doc Rivers I’m getting the ball to Pierce early and often tonight, especially in the post where he can overpower the defense or get to the line.
The real difference for Boston thus far has been the play of Rajon Rondo and to a lesser extent Glenn Davis and Kendrick Perkins. The contributions of the latter two have been invaluable, especially Davis, who’s become the most shockingly nimble, round-bellied individual to impact the sport since yours truly back in the
mid-90s. But Rondo is on another planet. He’s averaging a triple-double in the series, has been the leader on both ends of the court, and has actually outplayed Derrick Rose who himself has played sensationally for Chicago. But the Bulls rely more heavily on individual efforts than the Celtics, which is why I correctly predicted Boston would take game 3 easily in Chicago. The Bulls were coming off astounding games from their best players, and unless they were able to match those numbers, they weren’t going to win. They simply don’t have the coaching, veteran leadership, or decided home court advantage to overcome a bad shooting night. But they have had the X-factor in this series, Ben Gordon, who’s making me question any knowledge I thought I possessed regarding ways to win a basketball game.
I always liked Gordon (especially at UConn), but for all the wrong reasons. I believed he was fundamentally sound, a reliable passer and shooter who any coach would love. I didn’t realize he was an assassin with balls of steel and a complete disregard for proper shot selection. If he were on my NAA team I would bench him for the sheer volume of stupid shots he’s taken. But I digress . . . he makes them. He’s reminds me of a tougher Rex Chapman with the confidence of Isiah Thomas. He’s scary, and his recent hamstring strain could be the difference in the series. As impressive as is his knack for hitting difficult eighteen-footers, if he has no lift, he becomes a non-factor. Remember the announcers debating whether or not Boston should foul Chicago on their last offensive possession before Gordon drained that fall-away in game 4? If he can’t shoot, there’s no longer a debate. You play it out, rely on your defense, and hope for the best, an opinion I bear regardless because 90% of the time that’s not dropping. It’s like walking the bases loaded with two men on when you’re up three runs in the ninth . . . Why put yourself in a position to lose? If they miraculously tie the game, so be it.
I pray this series is decided on the court. The officiating has caused plenty of complaints on both sides and it’s becoming clear that David Stern must makes some rule changes. The strictly enforced “clear path” rule, involving a defensive player intentionally stopping an opposing breakaway, is the single dumbest rule in sports. It sounds like a JCC rule invented by middle-aged white guys who don’t want to run. What is wrong with preventing the other team from scoring as long as it’s clean? And to the latter point, I am so sick of flagrant fouls being called any time there’s more than a “little” contact. What would happen had Kevin McHale’s famous clothesline of Kurt Rambis occurred in 2009? Would he be suspended for a year? Basketball is a contact sport, always has been, and always should be. The ongoing pussification (spell check couldn’t help me out with that one) of the league is a travesty. But those two rules aside, I love everything about this series.
I love that that Doug Collins made a “Semi-Pro” reference, comparing the oafish, curly headband sporting Brian Scalabrine to Jackie Moon. I love that Chicago boasts two of the five ugliest players in the league in Heinrich and Joaquim Noah, who’s a better player than often given credit for being. I love that this series has one of the league’s great overachievers in ‘Big Baby’ and sad underachievers in Tim Thomas. I love that TB was so fascinated by the site of an obscenity-spewing KG on the bench that she thought it would make for a great reality show. Seriously, can you imagine how insane he’d look behaving the same way in a supermarket? Or how you might react if he showed up on your doorstep for Halloween, staring you down for all your mini-Butterfingers? If he weren’t a great athlete, he’d be institutionalized. I love that TNT made public the news that Reggie Miller now has an email bag, which I will use to berate his play and commentating on a weekly basis. I love that Boston has the rare coaching edge in this series and that Doc has designed successful plays for Ray to get clean looks. I love that Chicago inexplicably doesn’t know when to switch on a pick-and-roll. I love that Rondo and Rose have blossomed into the best young point guards in the conference and will potentially face off against Chris Paul and/or Deron Williams in the NBA finals for the next decade. I love that both teams are loaded with talented players, most of whom I actually like and would want on my team, including Tyrus Thomas who could be a beast this time next year. I love that Bill Simmons’ Celtics columns reach thousands of readers daily, since mine tend to max out around twenty.
Most importantly, I love that the C’s are getting an early round test as tough as the Bulls, who at this point are probably the third best team in the East. They are fearless, athletic, persistent, and are providing the Celtics with little margin for error. If Boston can somehow muster up the strength to finish them off by game
6, that would go a long way towards conserving energy for the inevitable showdown with Lebron in the conference finals. Hopefully by that time, Pierce will be ready to go.
The Celtics are a better basketball team than the Bulls, even without KG and Leon Powe. Yes, the Bulls are missing Luol Deng, but from what I’ve seen of their play this season they are a better club without him. John Salmons plays tougher defense from the small forward spot anyway. Reverse the outcome of two plays in this series (Paul Pierce’s missed free throw at the end of game 1, Ben Gordon’s off-balance three pointer that sent game 4 to a second overtime), and we’d be talking about a Celtic sweep. The importance of those plays can’t be overstated. Boston needed this to be over fast, so they could rest for the second round and a likely match up with Orlando (who is having their own problems with a young Sixers bunch).
The Celtics aren’t a decidedly old basketball team top to bottom, but their best players are. Pierce has shown signs of age in this series, from his shooting to his turnovers to his failures making big defensive stops. Ray Allen has fared better, including some miraculous clutch shooting following game 1. I’m not sure what to make of Pierce right now. On the one hand his marginal outings still represent well-rounded offensive efforts. Add to that the fact that he hasn’t really taken over a single game yet, and I’m optimistic about our chances. But I wonder why he hasn’t yet gone for forty over the smaller, less athletic Kirk Heinrich. If I’m Doc Rivers I’m getting the ball to Pierce early and often tonight, especially in the post where he can overpower the defense or get to the line.
The real difference for Boston thus far has been the play of Rajon Rondo and to a lesser extent Glenn Davis and Kendrick Perkins. The contributions of the latter two have been invaluable, especially Davis, who’s become the most shockingly nimble, round-bellied individual to impact the sport since yours truly back in the
mid-90s. But Rondo is on another planet. He’s averaging a triple-double in the series, has been the leader on both ends of the court, and has actually outplayed Derrick Rose who himself has played sensationally for Chicago. But the Bulls rely more heavily on individual efforts than the Celtics, which is why I correctly predicted Boston would take game 3 easily in Chicago. The Bulls were coming off astounding games from their best players, and unless they were able to match those numbers, they weren’t going to win. They simply don’t have the coaching, veteran leadership, or decided home court advantage to overcome a bad shooting night. But they have had the X-factor in this series, Ben Gordon, who’s making me question any knowledge I thought I possessed regarding ways to win a basketball game.
I always liked Gordon (especially at UConn), but for all the wrong reasons. I believed he was fundamentally sound, a reliable passer and shooter who any coach would love. I didn’t realize he was an assassin with balls of steel and a complete disregard for proper shot selection. If he were on my NAA team I would bench him for the sheer volume of stupid shots he’s taken. But I digress . . . he makes them. He’s reminds me of a tougher Rex Chapman with the confidence of Isiah Thomas. He’s scary, and his recent hamstring strain could be the difference in the series. As impressive as is his knack for hitting difficult eighteen-footers, if he has no lift, he becomes a non-factor. Remember the announcers debating whether or not Boston should foul Chicago on their last offensive possession before Gordon drained that fall-away in game 4? If he can’t shoot, there’s no longer a debate. You play it out, rely on your defense, and hope for the best, an opinion I bear regardless because 90% of the time that’s not dropping. It’s like walking the bases loaded with two men on when you’re up three runs in the ninth . . . Why put yourself in a position to lose? If they miraculously tie the game, so be it.
I pray this series is decided on the court. The officiating has caused plenty of complaints on both sides and it’s becoming clear that David Stern must makes some rule changes. The strictly enforced “clear path” rule, involving a defensive player intentionally stopping an opposing breakaway, is the single dumbest rule in sports. It sounds like a JCC rule invented by middle-aged white guys who don’t want to run. What is wrong with preventing the other team from scoring as long as it’s clean? And to the latter point, I am so sick of flagrant fouls being called any time there’s more than a “little” contact. What would happen had Kevin McHale’s famous clothesline of Kurt Rambis occurred in 2009? Would he be suspended for a year? Basketball is a contact sport, always has been, and always should be. The ongoing pussification (spell check couldn’t help me out with that one) of the league is a travesty. But those two rules aside, I love everything about this series.
I love that that Doug Collins made a “Semi-Pro” reference, comparing the oafish, curly headband sporting Brian Scalabrine to Jackie Moon. I love that Chicago boasts two of the five ugliest players in the league in Heinrich and Joaquim Noah, who’s a better player than often given credit for being. I love that this series has one of the league’s great overachievers in ‘Big Baby’ and sad underachievers in Tim Thomas. I love that TB was so fascinated by the site of an obscenity-spewing KG on the bench that she thought it would make for a great reality show. Seriously, can you imagine how insane he’d look behaving the same way in a supermarket? Or how you might react if he showed up on your doorstep for Halloween, staring you down for all your mini-Butterfingers? If he weren’t a great athlete, he’d be institutionalized. I love that TNT made public the news that Reggie Miller now has an email bag, which I will use to berate his play and commentating on a weekly basis. I love that Boston has the rare coaching edge in this series and that Doc has designed successful plays for Ray to get clean looks. I love that Chicago inexplicably doesn’t know when to switch on a pick-and-roll. I love that Rondo and Rose have blossomed into the best young point guards in the conference and will potentially face off against Chris Paul and/or Deron Williams in the NBA finals for the next decade. I love that both teams are loaded with talented players, most of whom I actually like and would want on my team, including Tyrus Thomas who could be a beast this time next year. I love that Bill Simmons’ Celtics columns reach thousands of readers daily, since mine tend to max out around twenty.
Most importantly, I love that the C’s are getting an early round test as tough as the Bulls, who at this point are probably the third best team in the East. They are fearless, athletic, persistent, and are providing the Celtics with little margin for error. If Boston can somehow muster up the strength to finish them off by game
6, that would go a long way towards conserving energy for the inevitable showdown with Lebron in the conference finals. Hopefully by that time, Pierce will be ready to go.
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