Saturday, January 31, 2009

Super Sunday and January News

Super Sunday is finally here. The big game follows a hectic recent period for news. It’s been nearly two weeks since Obama’s inauguration, which was actually pretty interesting to watch on DVR (fast-forwarding proved useful). I admittedly hadn’t felt compelled to watch it live, despite the excitement stirred by a bunch of people (most of whom nobody’s ever heard of) walking in a straight line for hours on end. For me the real story occurred when he had won the election, though I certainly understand why it was historic to so many thousands. But honestly, did we need to see Obama dance at six different balls? If I were him I’d be pissed off. He gave an inspiring, eloquent speech, provoking goose bumps with multiple promises, while hitting Bush with a few none-too-subtle jabs. His reward: Being filmed eating lunch and dancing in circles for cameras well passed a point when the average human’s heels would’ve buckled. I wouldn’t ever want to be president, especially if they’d make me swear in twice after a single verbal slip-up. If they’d made Bush repeat every statement he messed up, Obama’s big day would’ve been pushed to 2049. That was the low point of the day, though it was nearly off-set by the sight of Cheney rolling around in that wheelchair. For a while I figured one of his hunting buddies had decided to get revenge.

One thing that struck me these last few weeks about Obama is the extent to which he has become a genuine cross-over celebrity. He’s on the covers of magazines coming to my home (trust me, they have nothing to do with politics) and he’s been asked about everything from the songs on his iPod, to his favorite movies, to his ideas for an NCAA football playoff system. By all accounts he seems a pretty cool guy, which is going to make it really tough for the writers at SNL, the Daily Show, and the Late Night crews over the next several years (Having Bush in office for eight years had been a performance booster to comedy writers everywhere, just as steroids might enhance the quality of an athlete’s performance . . . Now we’ll have to see if they can still deliver). Still, Obama lay low on my radar compared to some other events in January. With the Ohio weather continuing to build toward my upcoming suicide attempt, I’ve been watching a lot of TV in my sweatpants when not working. Here’s a quick recap:

The 5th season premiere of “Lost” was easily the most anticipated television event in years and for the most part it delivered. Although I don’t know that the creators delivered on their promise of offering more answers than questions this year. The first episode flashed back and forward multiple times (picture “Back to the Future” if all the writers were on crack) and introduced more new characters to what is already the biggest cast on television. Still, I can’t get enough of it, as opposed to “American Idol,” which is finally becoming a bit long in the tooth. Hiring a 4th judge (the ridiculously hot Kara DioGuardi) was a smart move, but there haven’t been any surprises so far. Hopefully Hollywood week will prove more compelling.

The Screen Actors Guild award show was solid, featuring an amusing James Earl Jones tribute and the always anticipated “In Memoriam” montage. Predictably, Paul Newman drew the largest reaction in an unusually star-studded tribute. Major wins for Sean Penn (“Milk”) and Meryl Streep (“Doubt”) makes Oscar predictions more difficult than usual (my picks are on hold until I’ve seen the last few on my list). Those nominations were announced three days earlier, with the biggest snubs going to Clint Eastwood (“Gran Torino”) and “The Dark Knight.” I had a strong hunch the latter would get left out of the best picture and director categories, despite being remarkably qualified as compelling drama. While the show isn’t in and of itself about ratings, they’ve been declining rapidly over the last few years, especially in the wake of independent films dominating the major categories. Nominating a deserving candidate that just happens to be the biggest blockbuster in a dozen years would’ve increased awareness, viewership, and general acceptance. Since the mid-90s, the only two telecasts that didn’t stink it up in the Nielsen ratings featured “Titanic” and “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. You do the math.

In a development that’s relieved me of substantial stress, the Celtics have stormed back since the Cleveland annihilation a few weeks ago. They’ve won eleven straight and appear to have snapped out of their funk, making the idea of bringing in Stephon Marbury even more ludicrous. With the team reestablishing itself, the all-star snub of Ray Allen is a bit hard to fathom. Statistically he’s been the most proficient off-guard in the NBA and has arguably been the best player for Boston this year. Unfortunately, being selfless has proven a fault in this regard and the coaches should’ve known better. Voting three members of the Orlando Magic on to the team is absurd and points only to their surprising record. Dwight Howard should be their only representative. Out west I’m still not sure how Carmelo Anthony got left off the team, but he and Ray can go shoot eighteen holes and relax during the upcoming long weekend. For the record, I’m switching one of my finals picks. The Celtics will still be there, but I now see them facing the Spurs, which could result in a series so well played they could record and sell the DVD as an instructional video on fundamentals. Should the Green repeat however, they’ll be doing so without Lucky, who got the axe earlier this week. I thought I’d jump for joy the day the C’s parted ways with that trampoline jumping would-be leprechaun, but for some reason I feel bad for the guy.

Meanwhile the Red Sox continue to show their wisdom when it comes to signing valued commodities. This off-season they added John Smoltz, Brad Penny, and Rocco Baldelli, all of whom could make an impact. They also retained Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, Jonathan Papelbon, and captain Jason Varitek, making them favorites to reach the World Series in 2009. In related news, Jim Rice finally made the Hall of Fame on his 15th and final try. I’m really glad he’s in, but what in the world changed about his production from his first year of eligibility to this one? Did he get better? It’s a completely subjective vote that’s only going to become more controversial as more of the 90s power hitters become eligible. That reminds me; the funniest thing I read all week was that Mark McGwire’s baby brother Jay ratted him out publicly for his using steroids, in a book no less. There’s nothing like family huh? Anyway, I know it’s beating a dead horse, but I still can’t get over how good Boston sports have had it recently. Even the Patriots finished a strong season at 11-5 after losing the best player in football! Had they made the playoffs I suspect they’d have won a game or two, but probably fallen short of the Super Bowl, which now airs in four hours. Why do I cut these things so close?

I didn’t pick either Pittsburgh or Arizona to make the Super Bowl at the start of the playoffs, though both my picks (Baltimore and Philadelphia) made the conference championship games, meaning I did better than most prognosticators in that regard. The Steelers are the favorites and rightly so. They were arguably the best team in the NFL all year led by a brutal defense and one of the leagues toughest Quarterbacks. They don’t make many mistakes and are tough as nails. Arizona’s march towards the big game for the first time in their history has been stunning (though Tampa Bay’s World Series appearance was still far more improbable; those ESPN.com poll results are sillier than ever). I much prefer watching the Cardinals than Steelers, and am glad they emerged from the NFC, as opposed to the New York Giants who still suck  Their offense is explosive and should they score first or at any time hit reach a ten-fourteen point lead, I don’t think Pittsburgh will come back. However, I don’t really see that happening, as much as I’d like to rub a loss into Steeler fans (who are at least as annoying as us Mass-Holes). History has shown time and time again that a great defense beats a great offense. Remember all those experts picking the Raiders against Tampa in 2002? How about the Ravens defense smothering NY in 2000? Or the underdog Pats defeating the Rams in 2001? True, the Colts did escape Chicago in 2006, but that’s because any random cashier from your local supermarket would’ve been an improvement for the Bears at Quarterback. They didn’t give themselves a realistic chance.

As spoiled as I’ve become watching the Patriots semi-annual trips to the big dance, I’m looking forward to tonight’s match up. The Cards have the most exciting receiving core in the league and Kurt Warner’s play has made for a great comeback story. In a way it’s a relief not having any feelings personally invested in the outcome. T and I will be making a pizza, munching on Doritos, and having a few drinks before inevitably switching to coffee around 9pm. Around the midway point in the 2nd quarter I suspect she’ll find her way to the computer, while I become giddy about the upcoming Bruce Springsteen halftime show. He probably only is allowed the time for three-four songs; I’m guessing “The Rising, “Glory Days,” and “Born to Run” for a close, with something off his new album mixed in. He’ll probably make at least one brief political statement (which I usually scoff at), but The Boss is among maybe five celebrities who I’m willing to let get away with anything. Actually, the most interesting news from the Super Bowl thus far is that as of Thursday they hadn’t sold out all their ad spots. Everyone knows the economy is terrible but this got my attention, as this is the single biggest promotion evening of the year for several companies both old and new. Super Bowl commercials have disappointed the last several years, so if even three are memorable I’ll consider it a solid night.

For what it’s worth, the Super Bowl already should have come and gone. That two week layover is still a dumb idea and tends to kill momentum. I’d be curious to see a ratings comparison for years in which the game has been telecast one week versus two weeks following the conference title games to see if there’s any difference. As the average viewer, I really see no other argument for postponing it. I lose interest between the end of the college football season and the bowl games (following a month break), I hate when television shows try to comeback after months of repeats . . . hype only works with limitations. The Super Bowl is a strong enough event to overcome a relatively short break, but it shouldn’t have to. Nobody needs an extra week of reporters and columnists repeating arguments they had seven days earlier.

In the end though I suppose it’s all about the outcome, so let me rub my crystal ball. This will be the final score, so put all your money down on what I’m about to tell you. I’m thinking . . . . . . I see Madden making at least thirty-four statements that make no sense . . . . . . This is hard . . . . . . I see a lot of Budweiser ads that will come too late to stop me from buying Coors . . . . . . It should be close . . . . . . No blow-outs tonight for sure . . . . . . I watched “Wanted” last night. It’s the most unapologetically violent, brainless, entertaining summer action movie in years . . . . . . Man, so many factors to consider . . . . . . Shit, I need to take out the trash . . . . . . I see lots of hollering and shoving following insignificant plays holding no bearing on the score from players you’ll never hear from again . . . . . . I need to get to the gym . . . . . . I got it!

Pittsburgh Steelers - 27
Arizona Cardinals – 21

Remember to stay tuned for an hour long episode of “The Office” after the game (you’d think I work for NBC’s advertising team). The game always has the potential to become a snoozer. But Michael Scott would never let that happen.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Most Fraudulent Cliche in Sports

You hear it during postgame interviews following any big win. The reporter corners the hometown hero, who answers mindless babble regarding working hard and stepping up to a challenge, before inevitably thanking his team’s fans. Ironically every player, regardless of location or the team to which he is affiliated announces his fans are the best in the league. However, certain rules immediately disqualify a fan base from being the best; Are they knowledgeable about the sport? Did they care about the team when they were bad? Do they have a legitimate rooting interest in their success beyond a fun night out at the arena?

I've been pondering these questions after attending Friday nights Cavaliers/Celtics game in Cleveland, a circled date on the calendar for any true basketball fan. Regrettably for yours truly, the Celtics played like donkeys with the exception of Kevin Garnett, who never seemed to stop working. But Paul Pierce and Ray Allen looked lethargic from start to finish, Rajon Rondo was inconsistent, and Doc Rivers couldn't find a single unit with any rhythm. We gave ourselves no shot to win as Cleveland out worked, out shot, and out defended us (inexcusable) for four straight quarters. Lebron James also had ‘that’ look in his eyes all night. You could see he wasn't going to let the Cavs lose as he subsequently dominated every aspect of the game. But enough reminiscing about the on court play. If I immerse myself deeply into how and why Boston has been playing so poorly the last couple of weeks, this entry will be twenty-five pages long. So let’s get back to my real concern, which involves the Cleveland fans. I realize there is no way to convince readers that I am capable of a neutral opinion on what follows, so you'll just have to take my word as fact (TB can vouch for everything I'm about to report, for what it's worth).

The Cleveland crowd, for lack of a better word, sucked. Throughout the first half, the sold out stadium was so quiet you could actually hear a pin drop. I at one point turned to TB to ask why we could hear conversations taking place ten rows away. Talk about a lifeless crowd. This was the biggest professional sporting event the city of Cleveland has seen since last year's playoffs, and the excitement was virtually nonexistent. I started texting friends in disbelief. Even when the Celtics went 15-67 during the dreadful 1996 season, the crowds were louder than this. The only energy in the building developed as a result of silly jumbotron prompts that had nothing to do with the Cavs! At random moments throughout the game, it flashed the logos of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Michigan Wolverines, and even the Boston Red Sox, all of which elicited sustained boos from the crowd. Apparently the magnitude of the game itself wasn't enough to get them caring, though not to worry. After I’d all but given up on them, the building exploded midway through the third with a rousing chorus of "Cha Lu Pa!" The crowd roared in unison and it took a full minute to figure out what they were suddenly screaming with enthusiasm. Over and over and over, chants of "Cha Lu Pa" echoed from one side of the stadium to the other. Nothing like Taco Bell to pump up twenty thousand fair weather fans.

During the fourth quarter the indifferent crowd finally came alive, although by that time the Cavs were up twenty, the outcome no longer in doubt. A "Boston sucks" chant suddenly echoed through the rafters from out of nowhere, though I suppose I expected it from this group of dispirited morons, who depended on a highlighted plus/minus score differential on the scoreboard to help identify how many points they were winning by. Seriously, a plus/minus digital score? Can they not add in Cleveland? I've never seen that before. While their eventual win brought the season series to a tie (1-1), the C’s are still the defending champions, and our city has amassed a plethora of recent championships. The last title won by this shitty city was for the Browns (1964), before the Super Bowl even existed! The fact that Cleveland broke into this disheartening chant made me chuckle. It's like the Rolling Stones being criticized by a wannabe startup band with no songs of note.

To highlight a few positives, Quicken Loans Arena was physically impressive. Newer and larger than the TD Banknorth Garden, it also boasted better entertainment value, at least throughout the concourse. They offered a free sign making booth, fun for both kids and obnoxious adults. With an option like this, frustrated fathers can escape dragging awkward cardboard cutouts featuring humorless lines like "We Rule" all the way from home. A team of young talented dancers occupied a space by the escalator and even encouraged fans to match their hip moves (sadly the only person we saw try was a middle-aged white guy). Additionally, the ‘Q’ provided an electronic basketball shooting game where you could challenge an opponent to see who could score more points in thirty seconds. The pretzels sold were in the shape of giant Q's, not exactly ingenious, but fun none the less. And offering Cold Stone Creamery products is always a smart move. The prices were more or less inline with Boston sporting events, though the beer was slightly cheaper. Lastly and most bizarrly they gave out a free deck of cards to every fan, causing me to wonder if they somehow knew I'd be writing this article.

Unfortunately the in-game entertainment was poor, very poor. Despite a cool opening fire blast and a funny montage showing famous Bostonians wearing simulated Cavs gear (including the stars of Cheers, Damon & Affleck, Bird & McHale, etc...), they were pretty stingy with alternative entertainment, including the lack of any halftime activities. Does this happen anywhere else? Young kids sat there with nothing to look at for sixteen minutes other than the two ball boys shooting lay-ups. The ‘Q’ didn't offer any fan money shot. They did replicate the slingshot shirt throw and parachute drop, though the latter didn't reach fans in the seats most deserving (i.e. the balcony). Rather the majority of them dropped into the laps of the affluent families occupying the lower level $200 seats. TB was quick to point out that the Cleveland uniforms didn't match, a fact, although they were wearing old school jerseys on this evening. The P.A. system was another failure, until the previously mentioned chalupa chants. At one point they played "Sweet Caroline" so softly I wondered if the goal was to taunt the few Boston fans who could hardly hear it, but they weren't that clever. Hearing that Sox anthem in a stadium where nobody sang along was perhaps the most depressing experience of 2009 thus far. The extended movie montages (a typical highlight for me) were few and far between, and the Cavs cheerleaders rarely took the court. Most disappointing was their team mascot Moondog, who brought no personality and his dunks were pedestrian at best. He actually made me long for Lucky, the C’s infuriating mascot who I regularly rip for being annoying.

It must be said that parking was much more accessible and cheaper ($15) than for Boston sporting events. Although with the weather being typically hideous for Ohio, our drive home was somewhat horrifying. Upon exiting the ‘Q’ a few obnoxious Cleveland fans began yelling for Celtic's fans to "suck their . . . . .,” a classy move if ever there was one. A young man from Columbus who sat next to us during the game had even remarked how “ghetto” the Cleveland masses were. A fellow Boston fan we spoke to actually informed us of his intent to register an official complaint over how disgusting the crowd had acted towards visiting fans. While I don't tend to take this stuff personally, I do find it telling that there were no taunts prior to tip-off or throughout the early stages of the game. While having a few pregame drinks at “Harry Buffalo,” a seemingly popular sport's bar across from the ‘Q’, we'd received a couple of stares from Cleveland fans, but not much conversation. I expected more having been showing off my official KG tank top and Celtic's hat. TB wore a green Celtics shirt, and the best any fan could come up with was a lifeless "so not cool" to me on my way to the bathroom. Where was the ridicule earlier in the evening? Doesn't Cleveland have any pride? I guess being so accustomed to losing, they don't pile it on until after registering a worthwhile victory, an achievement so rare they don't know how to act accordingly when they do win.

When all was said and done, the biggest cheers inside the ‘Q’ may have actually been for Ben Wallace, the most generously supported bad player in sports. The stadium went nuts when he hit a free throw in the final minutes, another rare event I gathered. Sure they cheered for the lovable Anderson Varejao (Cleveland’s answer to Brian Scalabrine). They went bonkers for the Chalupas and of course Lebron, who was awesome. But these were brief, isolated moments occupying perhaps thirty minutes of a game that ran almost three hours. One of my friends said the building sounded loud on TV, which makes me wonder how good ESPN's sound system must be to stage that kind of electricity. The energy during the fourth quarter was in my view completely nullified by the prolonged dead patches that marked the first three.

Fortunately, I wasn’t subjected to King James referencing the league’s ‘best fans’ in his postgame interview. If he had he'd have been lying, like so many athletes probably feel compelled to do. When he inevitably bolts for New York in 2010, he'll instantly know the kind of worthwhile fan base he's been missing all these years. Roughly 80% of the merchandise offered at the ‘Q’ concession stands consisted of tee shirts reading "Witness," a reference to the Nike sponsored ads for Lebron. Sadly for the Cleveland folks, they have little else to latch on to. And once their local hero abandons this despondent franchise, they will resort back to the indifferent demeanor that seems to characterize the entire city. While my beloved Celtics lost in disappointing fashion on this snowy evening, I left Cleveland with a sense of pride, taking solace in knowing where I come from and who I have the opportunity to support.